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Original poster

Ex stopped paying maintenance

33 replies

Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 21:17

So ex lives in Ireland. He's always been fairly ok about paying maintenance which was court ordered back in 2010. Up and down but usually paid eventually. Since May he has stopped answering my calls and leaves my texts unread. He hasn't paid anything. He saw both kids now teens in Aug which I paid for their flights over and back and for me to bring ds who is under 16 . Both in full time education. Dd going to uni with huge costs . Am so broke. Is there anything I can do to make him pay. I think he's realized it will be difficult to enforce as I'm in Uk now. Anyone any experience of trying to enforce payment from here. I've looked online and MDC seems the way to go but it does seem a bit toothless.

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Bichonmum · 11/09/2023 12:54

Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:28

Does anyone know- we never got a divorce I started the process but never finished it. Well
He wouldn't respond and return the documents etc. So when his mother dies he will most likely inherit her very valuable house worth over a million. Can I claim anything from him for that.

If your finance order was finalised then no you couldn't claim. If however you didn't get a finance order, then yes you can.

Finance order is separate to a divorce.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 11/09/2023 12:04

@TheFoz thanks so much. I can definitely do the first part but I can't attend court as I live in Uk. Maybe someone can stand in for me. Thanks again I didn't know this.

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OrderOfTheKookaburra · 11/09/2023 02:54

Worth double checking about the divorce papers. I know here in Australia you have a limited time to lodge papers for them to be valid.

Serve him right if his inheritance gets included in the asset division at a later stage.

LittleOwl153 · 11/09/2023 02:25

There is something which says your daughter can take her dad to court for uni support of there is nothing in your financial order about hnincosts... given you are separated... ot maybe you need to be divorced...

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/09/2023 02:04

Lots of the advice you’ll get won’t necessarily be relevant because your court order is from Ireland and because you’ll need to use REMO to collect.

Speak to the REMO team - they are good at what they do. I suspect yours will be an easier case as well as you’re trying to have an Irish order enforced in Ireland. They tend to be more proactive of a case doesn’t involve mountains of work for them!

Original poster
Ceci03 · 11/09/2023 00:25

So I'm solely responsible for uni costs. That really sucks doesn't it

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 11/09/2023 00:24

ThingyThings · 10/09/2023 22:44

Is he still working? For the eldest, I thought (legally) maintenance stopped when child benefit stopped (e.g. August after 19th birthday if still in full time education, but not uni). Is there anyway to check how much you're due with child maintenance service, then get a DEO from his payroll?

@ThingyThings he's self employed. Doesn't declare a lot of it . He's dodgy AF

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ThingyThings · 10/09/2023 22:44

Is he still working? For the eldest, I thought (legally) maintenance stopped when child benefit stopped (e.g. August after 19th birthday if still in full time education, but not uni). Is there anyway to check how much you're due with child maintenance service, then get a DEO from his payroll?

Ginann · 10/09/2023 22:41

Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:28

Does anyone know- we never got a divorce I started the process but never finished it. Well
He wouldn't respond and return the documents etc. So when his mother dies he will most likely inherit her very valuable house worth over a million. Can I claim anything from him for that.

He didn't return the documents to where?

If there are divorce documents somewhere signed by you, you may struggle as it's proof you wanted a divorce that he could use.

However it sounds like he owes the kids (and you) a lot so I hope it doesn't all stay with him/ his siblings.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:30

It was court ordered in Ireland. It took me
About a year to get it sorted after we broke up and he refused to give me anything. I could afford a solicitor back then and brought him to court. He has been reasonably good about paying it since then. He never paid every month but he mostly did even if he skipped a couple of months he would start up again.

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:28

Does anyone know- we never got a divorce I started the process but never finished it. Well
He wouldn't respond and return the documents etc. So when his mother dies he will most likely inherit her very valuable house worth over a million. Can I claim anything from him for that.

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 10/09/2023 22:27

TheFoz · 10/09/2023 21:48

Court ordered maintenance has to be paid until child is 23 if in full time education.

Can you get in contact with your old solicitor and see what their take is? My ex has pulled a similar trick recently so I can empathise.

Edited

Maintenance is hardly ever court-ordered in the UK anyway?

(Even if it were, surely it would be until 22 at the oldest?)

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:26

Thanks so much @YetMoreNewBeginnings will have a good read

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:25

*live with himself Grin

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 10/09/2023 22:25

Have a read of this link - it tells you who to contact about REMO and they tell you if you need to go to court or pay a fee.

If you already have a court order for maintenance they may be able to go with that without needing to go for a new one.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad

Child maintenance if a parent lives abroad

What to do if you need to get child maintenance and one of the parents lives abroad.

https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:25

Knowing him it won't matter what I do he will
Just ignore everything. Will it be heard in an Irish court. Will take months won't it. Will
I have to go over. I don't understand how he can do this. How does hr love with himself. It's sick.

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:22

TheFoz · 10/09/2023 22:19

I can’t afford a solicitor either. My ex will want to go to court so I’m going to get my solicitor to ask the judge to order ex to pay my costs seeing as it is him that is causing this situation. Judges can and do this so keep that in mind.

Thanks. I'll have to do a lot of research about how to do it from here.

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:21

His mother is too old now and had a little bit of dementia. Even when we spilt though she had a strange attitude and seemed to think providing for the kids was all my responsibility . For her it was always "poor ex" so she was no help. Well he still lives there rent free so that says a lot. He moved out to live with me and when we split he moved back in. I hate myself for ever getting involved with him. All regrets except for 3 beautiful kids.

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TheFoz · 10/09/2023 22:19

I can’t afford a solicitor either. My ex will want to go to court so I’m going to get my solicitor to ask the judge to order ex to pay my costs seeing as it is him that is causing this situation. Judges can and do this so keep that in mind.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:18

JulianFawcettMP · 10/09/2023 22:14

@PickledPurplePickle these are such helpful questions and will really assist the OP. Thank heavens you are here.

Oh and maybe she was just trying to do the best for her children irrespective of cost.

Yeh usual story of me trying to do the right thing by him and not let our arguments about money affect his relationship with the kids. More fool me. When someone just blanks you and won't answer your texts or even read them. I rang his house tonight where he lives with his mother and brother. No answer. It's a lost cause isn't it. I'm just so angry.

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JulianFawcettMP · 10/09/2023 22:14

@PickledPurplePickle these are such helpful questions and will really assist the OP. Thank heavens you are here.

Oh and maybe she was just trying to do the best for her children irrespective of cost.

NeunundneunzigHorseBallonz · 10/09/2023 22:13

Tell his mum?

Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:11

Thanks @YetMoreNewBeginnings

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Original poster
Ceci03 · 10/09/2023 22:11

Thanks @TheFoz

Is there any free legal aid here. Will have to find out.

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