AIBU about this 4 year old?

Given it’s caffeinated, giving a 4 year old Diet Coke sounds like making a rod for his own back. That said, it’s probably not textbook parenting, but none of this is of massive concern.

It may be op's house.

Google
Corkscrew curls and scurvy' funnily enough if she's not getting her fruit in...

I presume this Disney dad is a lodger and I’d bet the child’s mother bitches about his shit parenting too.

YANBU op. Bratty, indulged, junk-food-fed children are never a good thing.

No OP YANBU. I wouldn’t want to spend 4 days a week being controlled by that little shit. I’d find somewhere else to live.

Even if she seems to be absorbed in something, the moment we start to speak to one another she talks louder and louder until she starts to simply scream. It worries me that he never tells her to 'be quiet whilst adults talk'.

Im 50 50 on this. Kids should be told to wait until someone else finishes speaking/not interrupt constantly

But

They usually do the thing where they talk louder and louder when they aren't getting proper attention - adults really engaging with them, listening, having a full 2 way conversation.

They can when people aren't really listening and that tends to be when they clamour to be heard.

Are you expecting her to play quietly by herself for quite a while, while her father chats to you?

@SeulementUneFois ah yes I misread. Might get annoying if you have to live with them then!

@blahblahblah1654

I think it's a housemate.
And the kid doesn't just interrupt, but shouts very loudly and "non-stop" till all conversation stops.

You seem a bit invested if it's just a neighbour. Let him parent how he wants.

I mean, it's not how I would parent, but it's hardly social services territory.

Children interrupt. I've told my 5yo off for interrupting constantly since they were tiny and still DC1 does it. It's infuriating. I'm proceeding on the principle that if I call my DC out on it every time, hopefully on the one thousandth time they'll actually get it and stop. So I agree she should be told not to do it, but telling isn't necessarily going to solve the problem in the short-term.

There is a group of parents (and it's quite a large group) who seem to allow their children to wear Disney-princess/tutu type costumes to everything. Presumably because the kids like it. I'm not a fan personally and I prefer my children to be dressed more practically for activities and days out, but I can't see the harm in it. You have to allow kids agency in some aspects of their lives and this seems fairly harmless.

On the food, I agree with you on the fizzy drink/sweet treats, but maybe beige food is all she'll eat and the dad doesn't feel comfortable in trying to get her to expand her palate.

She's 4 and wants her dad's undivided attention - and not for it to be split with some woman/ other people who aren't her mum. He could teach about saying excuse me but really it is her time to be with him.
The food sounds a bit grim but I think apart from making healthier meals for them - there's not much you can do.
You share a house not the child so I would butt out.

Basically this.

Totally depends on your relationship to the child and dad.

If you’re e.g. an aunt, then it’s not your place to say anything about the Diet Coke. If you’re granny, then you could have a word.

Chicken nuggets is normal

Four year olds talking loads and interrupting is normal (although bloody annoying)

Taking his daughter for full days out is normal/good parenting (also maybe he doesn’t want to inconvenience you by keeping her in the house?)

Engaging in her interests with her (e.g. dressing up) is good parenting

In summary: four year olds are dreadful to parent - dreadful. Sounds like he is doing fine and you should probably keep your beak out.

Totally agree with your take on the situation OP.
Too often on MN people say that it's not your business.
But what happened to people looking out for one another. And being concerned about a child?

Apparently on MN it's best not to get involved - imo it's best to get involved just in case! xx

I forgot to add before - I don't understand your objection to "whole days out" - her dad is probably aware you find it difficult being around her so is trying to be considerate by taking her out. It's also pretty normal to take 4 year olds out for the day anyway

Is the 30 year old your step son? If so could your DP talk it him? The interrupting is rude but I would correct it if it were my child. You are also right about the food of course. Could you cook together or with child to demonstrate how easy heathy cooking can be. I'm assuming you DP is grandad in the scenario.

No, not satire - nothing more deep than a simple joke. It only works though if you know that the sweetener in Diet Coke is aspartame, and that it is an artificial substance (and therefore there cannot be any need for the body to synthesise it) and to know what synthesis is. And even then it only works if it’s your sense of humour.

Is this the way things are these days?

I’m nearly 50, OP, and was fed on watered down evaporated milk as a baby. There have always been people who feed children rubbish, often due to lack of income or education but not always. My own kids were breastfed and ate organic veg. People generally do the best they can- it’s nothing to do with “these days”.

I actually do think it’s your business if she is living in your home. I’m guessing it’s your home and he’s paying you rent regardless of the relationship?

Nobody wants to live with a child who isn’t taught manners.

If she's 4 she will be in reception so she won't get away with interrupting a teacher at school, so I think you can tell her to wait until you and daddy have finished talking. You can say this in a way that you're not telling her off. I wouldn't say anything about her diet, as she could eat a really healthy diet when she's at home, and I don't think that is your business really.

It depends on the relationship between the 3 of you, but I'd be inclined to tell the brat to shut up when you and Daddy are talking.

i think i understand @SeulementUneFois

@Willmafrockfit
Hi sorry I didn't mean to drag you into it!
I meant that the people who tell OP to cook for the kid are also those who are all "ah she's just a kid, poor little baby", rather than being neutral (or the other side of neutral like you 😁). So in my mind the suggestion for OP to put herself out and cook was part of that attitude rather than a neutral solution.

All normal, if not desirable behaviour. 4yo's can be fussy, so if nuggets are the only way to get protein in, so be it. It's better then an empty tummy.

Talking over people is rude, but I tend not to frame it as "be quite when adults are talking", it's equally rude talking over people of any age. I might sometimes say "I'm talking, can you wait for your turn" but mostly I teach it by modeling the desired behaviour. Eg. Listening to the kid until they have finished (very few adults do this, despite expecting it). Yes, I don't alway want to sit through a 10 minute description of a 5 minute peppa pig episode, but they're not going to learn how to engage in conversation if they don't get the opertunity to contribute to them.