”You’re not missing out on anything”

That’s when you are young , at 40 I think most people accelerate the relationships as we all have kids , jobs etc . We had a very rough year too so was far from a honeymoon ( not issues between us )

This.

Some people are willing to be in a less than perfect relationship for nothing more than the company it brings.

And for having children.

@Cucucucu
Everybody's still in love after 3 years. That's the honeymoon period. I expect the people saying the comment that the op doesn't like, are in LTRs - say 10 years plus - because that's when the problems start.

'Marriage is just a way of taking the person you love most in the world and turning them into someone you despise... or they're kind enough to expedite that by cheating etc.'

😂😂😂😂 that's brilliant. And spot on.

To be honest I’m in a lovely relationship with someone I truly love and he is a good partner and because I was single 14 years I often miss those days . Simply because being I a relationship is good but also makes things more complex .
I should add op that despite having children ( 2 children prior to my partner ) I still found love at 38 , we have been together just over 3 years , I’m now 41 . So it’s not too late to find love .

I'm married... and my thoughts are, are you bored of being happy?

Marriage is just a way of taking the person you love most in the world and turning them into someone you despise... or they're kind enough to expedite that by cheating etc.

Plus, if you are actually interested in men, don't come on MN, you'll only hear the worst things... it's like if you want children, don't talk to a primary school teacher.

Because the grass is always greener.

I often think I'd be happier being child free and single. But I also know that I WAS very happy single and child free. You can't undo children.

@DidIMissOut "Why do people say this?"

Because it's better than "oh, how sad for you!"
It's honestly just small talk.

I completely agree. And some people then fall in love when they are already with someone...

People who say this to you aren’t happy in their relationships. They will often feel trapped and that they can’t leave, sometimes due to kids, sometimes due to finances. Other times just because they’re scared of the unknown or because they think they don’t deserve better.

They are looking at you from a position of envy. They are only imagining the benefits of being single because of their situation, they aren’t imagining the downsides that you are feeling. However, you are imagining the best case scenario of a relationship and that’s what you think you’re missing out on. But you aren’t seeing that these people are probably really lonely, scared and feeling trapped.

They say it with the best of intentions but we all know it's not true.

I love living with my partner, there's always someone here, we have a laugh, we're best friends.

Equally, there are MANY advantages to being single!

When I was in an a relationship I would be envious of single people having all the freedom to do what the hell they want without having to worry about keeping another person happy! I love being single, no one to please but me!

Conversely, I do get lonely and miss having a relationship occasionally but there are pros and cons to each scenario. Maybe the people who say it actually think you’re not missing much because they wish they were single! 🤣

No, it's because they're scared to. Scared of the unknown. There's comfort in familiarity, however miserable it is. They're worried about the kids. All sorts of reasons. And it's a real shame for them that they can't break free.

I feel so sorry for you and the op. Not because you're single, but because you dont realise you HAVE got the best deal, and thus can't embrace it. I'm not dismissing it, I'm telling you I've been both sides, and actually my ex husband was pretty ok really, and it is far nicer to be free. IMO it's a luxury most people can't afford. Depending on your age.
When I went out with my friends in my 30s, I was still married and absolutely joined in with the slating of our husbands. That was our evenings, waiting for our turn to rant about what awful thing they'd done.
Now in my forties I listen to them, and think, thank goodness I don't have any of that negativity in my life.

I would say embrace singlehood. Enjoy it. Enjoy the peace. Go out with friends. Have loads of hobbies. You're just free, enjoy it.

Because they have unhappy, unsatisfying relationships, and presumably think they’d be happier single, but weirdly don’t do anything to end their relationship. Almost like they’re talking total shit.

I do think sometimes wish I were single and never had a family. I had so much freedom before. I could choose career path and locations. But now I feel sometimes so overwhelmed with house work , cooking and office work and keep thinking about the times before.

May I ask how old you are?

A few people find their soul mate and best friend and grow old happily together. Many people (most?) get stuck with someone who is lazy/grumpy/ etc, who they don't want to be with, and long for freedom to do what they want to do. There's a lot of 'the grass being greener on the other side' though.

That and 'It's all right for you, you don't have childrem'
Apparently not having a child means you have an endless supply of disposable income.

Being single can be fine, and is better than having a shit partner, but life can be a lot better if you are in a happy, healthy relationship.

To try to make the single person feel better? Maybe it hasn't occurred to them they don't need help to feel better!

Because they have a rubbish unsupportive partner and love to martyr themselves mostly.

Most men are pretty awful.