Inappropriate or not?

Omg ew wtf! Inappropriate!

With these sort of deflecting replies you do have to tackle it head on.

”You’re supposed to know because you’re a functioning adult, and when you pretend you don’t know not to make lecherous comments about your own son’s wife no one, least of all me, believes you. Your bullshit pretending that someone should waste their time on ‘explaining’ to a known bullshitter is pathetic. You know perfectly well how to behave outside this house. I am your wife and your bullshit leching is really grim to watch, it really has made me lose respect for you.”

Temporal frontal lobe dementia can be like this

they loose there filter lack boundaries and can’t judge what’s appropriate but they generally appear to be a totally coherent person

it magnifies there personality traits so if he was always like this but generally keep it to himself with this type of dementia what he thinks would just come straight out of there mouths

it is rare so while it’s a consideration it wouldn’t be my first one

I’d fire back hard here, asking him if he wants to be seen as a dirty old man. If not, pack it in.

Close friends of ours had to have firm words with both sets of parents whose casual racist comments were being made in front of their DC. Only when they spelled it out that visits would stop if they couldn’t control their language did the comments stop. We’re not talking about babies, but infant schoolers, one of whom had repeated a word in school. GPs thought it was funny, until their daughter spelled out the consequences.

That's a really weird thing to say. Maybe he is trying to punish you because he resents you for something but doesn't want to directly say it so punishes you instead. This happened to my dad he turned all weird but that's because he had been convinced by his incel friend that he was being hard done by.
You should play fire with fire and make some remarks to him that DIL has joked about putting him in a home, or having some age related illness. It might shock him into realising his behaviour isn't okay and that other people can do it do if he's not careful

Drip drip drip.

Ah, I see things have moved on a bit. Get rid of him. He's dangerous.

My bio- dad is a similar age and says stuff like that all the time and doesn’t think anything of it. They’re from a generation of men who don’t see objectifying women as a problem and believe they’re entitled to say that kind of thing. My dad makes it my problem when I tell him it’s inappropriate. I’m well aware he’s a dickhead, could your husband just be one of those? Some men managed to grow, change and develop from that way of thinking but you’d be surprised at the numbers who didn’t. GenX men are also really bad for this although they tend to hide it better with partners. I get annoyed when dementia inevitably gets brought up when in all reality he’s probably always been like that.

Whether he has autism or not, it's unlikely to be the cause of these appalling misogynistic remarks. Autistic people may not temper their words in quite the same way, but they don't voice opinions they don't hold, and an autistic person is no more likely to be a woman-hating creep than an NT person.

What you have there is a garden-variety male chauvinist pig. Moreover, he doesn't give a fuck how it makes you feel.

Where's the innate misandry in that poster's comment about a specific man who said a specific thing about a specific person?

It's not misandry to call a man who says something really creepy a creep.

Read OP's subsequent posts. Her partner clearly has form for saying and doing things that unsettle and upset her.

I don't consider you to be a walkover, sometimes it takes an outside perspective to make you see things differently. Don't be hard on yourself

So a joke's out of the question then?

@AtrociousCircumstance

"Creepy pathetic loser. Totally vile."

Is misandry less vile?

Creepy pathetic loser. Totally vile.

If DH said something like this I would genuinely assume he had suffered some sort of medical issue. If it turned out that was not the case he’d be out the door

Sometimes it feels that I am the one who is too sensitive or going mad.

That's what we have been trained to feel.

Your replies have put it all in perspective for me.

We are seeing it with no emotion or ties and often with experience.

I am almost sure that no-one would believe me if I told them things that he has said over the years as it’s a usually said in private between the two of us.

I told my rape crisis counsellor something my husband had said one night, an off the cuff remark about a woman on the TV, and she was shocked. She had probably heard it all doing the job she was but this shocked her.

I believe you. There will be people in your husband's life who won't want to know, it's a lot easier to ignore things that would otherwise mean they have to face up to unpleasant realities. Especially when they're not living with it.

Why did I repeat this mistake?

What was your parents' marriage like? I spent 30 years with my husband, putting up with all manner of abuse, because I didn't know any better. I thought put up and shut up was just what you did. When I discovered MN however many years ago that's when I started seeing that what I was living with wasn't normal.

Why don’t I bank the good times as well?

That's a good question. I too had an ever growing account at the bank of bad times. It wasn't until we were apart that I realised quite how abusive my husband had been and I then realised that all those good times were just a sham, a tool to keep me where he wanted me. Maybe our subconscious doesn't bank them to protect us?

I feel for you

Again, he's making it someone else's responsibility.

If he chooses to behave well in front of some people, he does know.

Okay, it was icky. I would reprimand, but couldn’t get that upset about it. A flippant thoughtless attempt at humour.

I’m sat here trying to imagine my dh talking about our dil inappropriately and I can’t because he just wouldn’t.
Your dh is a bit pervy . I feel sorry for you because I’ve known a couple of pervy men when I was younger and always thought their poor wives.
There’s something really creepy about men like your dh.
I think you need a serious talk about boundaries and inappropriate language and absolutely emphasise that you will stop socialising with him present if he’s going to carry on with this behaviour.