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Original poster

Please read. Is this weird??

109 replies

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:02

Hello, looking for advice.

I went to the pub the other day as I my was my child free night. I was sat at the bar a lot just talking to the people working there. Not flirting or nothing!! However the guy who worked there brought me to drinks I did say no but he insisted. He added me on Facebook but so did the other people that work there, I really didn’t think anything of it as there was nothing to think. However the guy who got me the drinks lives on my street so he walked back that way with me.

He the later proceeded to text me saying “I can’t believe your single, absolutely beautiful” and then carried on messaging. I was hardly replying back and the next day I said I’m really hungover and he was saying “awhhh maybe I should come and cuddle you” I ignored this and he messaged saying “you missed out on your cuddle”
However my phone was charging lastnight and I didn’t check it for a while and he sent a message saying he’s left a bottle of wine outside mine for me (he did). So I was saying please you really don’t need to do that and he was like next time it will be flowers. I have told him no and then he said well maybe a date… I have said I’m not looking for anyone as I have not long came out of a relationship etc. He’s telling me I’m worth the wait etc and it is making me feel uncomfortable. He don’t even know my age or anything really about me.

Just looking for opinions on this situation…. It is very weird isn’t it?? It was the wine part what freaked me out a little bit… there’s being nice and then there’s being to nice.

OP posts:
NonMiDispiace · 08/09/2023 10:03

My thoughts too @TooOldForASugarDaddy 🫤

TooOldForASugarDaddy · 08/09/2023 10:01

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:28

It was Facebook, I asked to add me so me being tipsy I said yes but again I didn't think any of it at all. He never give any indication in the pub he would be like that!

Show quote history

I don’t know OP, as a mum on my own with a child the last thing I would do is to add a stranger to my Facebook at meeting point. There is so much apparently innocuous information there that could be massively useful to a stalker or someone who doesn’t know how to take “no” for an answer.

I know you shouldn’t be restricting yourself or your behaviours to avoid people out there misinterpreting your intentions, it shouldn’t really be like that but unfortunately it is, you really need to be aware of your vulnerabilities, your strengths and support network when you decide to go out alone and get pissed when you
live alone with a kid.

OhNoForever · 08/09/2023 10:00

I would send a message being like "sorry if I've given you the wrong impression but I'm not interested in you like that" and then ignore any other messages.

What a fucking weirdo. He's obviously pushy and ignoring the obvious so you need to be clear with him.

Flamingogirl08 · 08/09/2023 10:00

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:16

I said "I will be honest I'm not looking for anything at I'm just trying to focus on me and my son, as I have not long came out of a relationship and it's still all fresh"
I have definitely not indicated anything. You would of thought he understood when he was sending a ton of messages and I wasn't replying.
I feel like I'm getting blamed a little here?

Show quote history

Blamed for what? He fancies you and is maybe coming on a bit too strong. You're not interested so just be clear and tell him that.

He hasn't really done anything wrong other than maybe be too forward.

Dramatic · 08/09/2023 09:57

RoyKentsTieDyeTop · 08/09/2023 09:47

Bar staff don’t usually get to just leave when the pub shuts.
So did you wait around for him after close so he could walk you home? If so that is a very mixed message and you need to learn better boundaries.

No it's not a mixed message! You can walk home with someone you've spent the night chatting to without wanting to start a romantic or sexual relationship with them ffs

Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:54

The pub closed at 9pm so wasn't exactly late. He left straight away

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:51

RoyKentsTieDyeTop · 08/09/2023 09:47

Bar staff don’t usually get to just leave when the pub shuts.
So did you wait around for him after close so he could walk you home? If so that is a very mixed message and you need to learn better boundaries.

No I definitely did not!!!! I said I'm gonna go now and the manager even said you may aswell walk back with him as he's going that way. He left the moment the pub closed

OP posts:
RoyKentsTieDyeTop · 08/09/2023 09:47

Bar staff don’t usually get to just leave when the pub shuts.
So did you wait around for him after close so he could walk you home? If so that is a very mixed message and you need to learn better boundaries.

ToughFuss · 08/09/2023 09:46

For goodness sake, some of these replies are bloody ridiculous. You did absolutely nothing wrong by going to your local and having a few (then a few more!) OP, don’t feel badly about that. You didn’t even do anything wrong giving matey your Facebook or your number or whatever, hardly like you threw your pants at his head while yelling ‘take me now!’ His behaviour is creepy and way too full on, don’t feel bad about telling him you are not interested (no apologies or ‘softening the blow’ needed). I understand feeling guilty but it’s just not necessary.

LovingMyLiver · 08/09/2023 09:43

"I don't fancy you and I don't want a "cuddle" now fuck off"

Mamai90 · 08/09/2023 09:40

Issuefroth · 08/09/2023 09:19

He’s the one in the wrong, creepy behaviour. Your reply makes it clear you’re not interested. I hate how we are made to feel like we have to spare their feelings “let them down gently” when they have no consideration for ours. Honestly leaving gifts on your doorstep, it’s like a horror film

I totally agree with this.

I'm like you OP and have felt guilty for giving men the brush off when they've been so 'nice'. But as I've gotten older I've realised this behaviour is anything but nice.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 08/09/2023 09:40

He sounds very desperate and pushing boundaries. There seems to be so many men out there like this, nowadays especially. Tell him to bog off. What a sodding pest.

PersephonePomegranate23 · 08/09/2023 09:39

I just felt so bad since he got me stuff and got a little worried about the back lash from it. I know I sound stupid

You don't sound stupid at all, it's social conditioning. Layers upon layers of it, from quid pro quo to women feeling awkward about being direct about unwanted attention (or actually anything they don't want, really) to being held responsible for other people's feeling and actions.

To any normal person, it's clear you're not interested. This guy is a creep.

SuddenlyOld · 08/09/2023 09:36

In this order:

  1. Say, 'I'm not interested in being friends or anything else so please stop contacting me'. Block on fb
  2. If he persists tell him you will report him to the police for harassment. Tell his boss what he has done. Staff should not do this whatever their job is.
  3. Tell everyone you know what is going on. Enlist your ex or some other male friends to visit the pub with you/visit your house etc. I know you shouldn't have to but he will back off if he knows others have got your back
titchy · 08/09/2023 09:34

Oh Im not blaming her at all. Am quite impressed at having the bottle (excuse pun) to walk into a pub alone and get pissed tbh.

But it is unusual for a lone woman to do that and OP getting pissed and adding randomers to FB wasn't exactly sensible.

BlackJumpsuit · 08/09/2023 09:34

Yes as others have said, be much more direct.

'Not interested'

Any contact after that, block.

instantick · 08/09/2023 09:34

i spent one saturday night with this guy no sexual or even signs of attraction and he messaged me and said he missed our saturday nights together i was like eww one time lol men r weird not all just some

MarjorieStuartBaxter · 08/09/2023 09:33

Mmm maybe because you were on your own sat at the bar all night he got the wrong idea doesn't excuse his bullshit BUT you gave your number out to strangers ffs. You've admitted you were pissed as well so maybe you did flirt with him etc.
Again no excuse for stalkerush behaviour, your txt about not wanting anything at the moment leaves him thinking you will want something down the line, I know it's hard to be honest but just tell him straight!! If you ring his boss at this point he could be unpredictable so tell him a straight no but you're happy to be friends..and he needs to stop coming to your door as it scares your kid.......if he doesn't stop then yes.

idliketogetdownnow · 08/09/2023 09:33

I think that people like this don't take hints or indirect rejection and will look for any wriggle room in order to keep pursuing their target.

If I were you I would send him a message saying "I am not interested in a relationship with you. I am blocking your number. Please do not contact me again."

Then block him and don't go back to that pub.

If he persists you should consider going to the police.

Gerrataere · 08/09/2023 09:33

God some of the replies on this thread are fucking depressing.

OP you’ve been clear enough. You have said outright you’re not looking for anything and you’ve been kind enough about it. Just block him, don’t say anything further and if he continues to harass you in any other way don’t engage. What a creep honestly.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 08/09/2023 09:32

titchy · 08/09/2023 09:22

Maybe it's a generation thing but do young (I'm assuming you're very young?) women these days really go to bars and get pissed on their own? That to me does not exactly give off a 'leave me alone' vibe.

If you're going to do that sort of thing you need to be really really clear immediately someone starts trying to pull you.

Talk about victim blaming! Maybe it’s a generationally thing, but I thought what you were wearing or where you were as a tool to excuse men’s shitty behaviour went out with the ark.

she can go wherever she likes, going out for a drink does not oblige her to reciprocate attention from creepy me.

Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:31

Blossomandbee · 08/09/2023 09:29

You need to be firm and nip this in the bud, he's massively overstepping boundaries.
Do you have a male friend or relative that could be seen around at your house or tell him to back off?

I do think you need to be really careful who you're handing your full name and social media accounts out to though and letting strange men see where you live. I'm not saying his behaviour is your fault at all, however you've put yourself in a really vulnerable position.

I know! I never think people would be like that when they don't seem it at first if that makes sense.

It was hard tho as he walked that way back and my house was before his as we live on the same street.
I don't think properly after having a drink so little thing like Facebook I didn't see bad at the time.

OP posts:
cbuew9 · 08/09/2023 09:31

Blossomandbee · 08/09/2023 09:29

You need to be firm and nip this in the bud, he's massively overstepping boundaries.
Do you have a male friend or relative that could be seen around at your house or tell him to back off?

I do think you need to be really careful who you're handing your full name and social media accounts out to though and letting strange men see where you live. I'm not saying his behaviour is your fault at all, however you've put yourself in a really vulnerable position.

Totally agree with this comment...

Dramatic · 08/09/2023 09:30

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:19

I just felt so bad since he got me stuff and got a little worried about the back lash from it. I know I sound stupid

Show quote history

You do not owe this man anything at all. If there is back lash then you know you dodged a bullet. Men like these don't think that women have their own thoughts and wants, they think they can win women over by showering them with gifts and attention and there must be something wrong with the woman if they don't accept it and immediately go out on a date with them.

Blossomandbee · 08/09/2023 09:29

You need to be firm and nip this in the bud, he's massively overstepping boundaries.
Do you have a male friend or relative that could be seen around at your house or tell him to back off?

I do think you need to be really careful who you're handing your full name and social media accounts out to though and letting strange men see where you live. I'm not saying his behaviour is your fault at all, however you've put yourself in a really vulnerable position.

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