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Original poster

Please read. Is this weird??

109 replies

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:02

Hello, looking for advice.

I went to the pub the other day as I my was my child free night. I was sat at the bar a lot just talking to the people working there. Not flirting or nothing!! However the guy who worked there brought me to drinks I did say no but he insisted. He added me on Facebook but so did the other people that work there, I really didn’t think anything of it as there was nothing to think. However the guy who got me the drinks lives on my street so he walked back that way with me.

He the later proceeded to text me saying “I can’t believe your single, absolutely beautiful” and then carried on messaging. I was hardly replying back and the next day I said I’m really hungover and he was saying “awhhh maybe I should come and cuddle you” I ignored this and he messaged saying “you missed out on your cuddle”
However my phone was charging lastnight and I didn’t check it for a while and he sent a message saying he’s left a bottle of wine outside mine for me (he did). So I was saying please you really don’t need to do that and he was like next time it will be flowers. I have told him no and then he said well maybe a date… I have said I’m not looking for anyone as I have not long came out of a relationship etc. He’s telling me I’m worth the wait etc and it is making me feel uncomfortable. He don’t even know my age or anything really about me.

Just looking for opinions on this situation…. It is very weird isn’t it?? It was the wine part what freaked me out a little bit… there’s being nice and then there’s being to nice.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 08/09/2023 10:57

Yes extremely weird and much too intense and full on much too soon. Block.

Thelittleweasel · 08/09/2023 10:53

@xx200xx

The huge red flag for me is that you refuse drink and yet he provides one [or more]. I would tip it over him!😂

FakeFool · 08/09/2023 10:52

Yes it's weird and creepy.

Unfortunately quite a few men are weird and creepy and are on the hunt for women who will tolerate their behaviour.

He will be chatting to his mates complaining about you accepting drinks, giving him your details, letting you walk him home then ghosting him. SOME men really are that stupid.

Sapphire387 · 08/09/2023 10:36

'Hi, as I have said, I'm not interested in a relationship. Your messages are making me uncomfortable, please stop messaging me like this.'

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 08/09/2023 10:36

@xx200xx You’ve done nothing wrong here. I would message his boss and tell him that he’s preying on customers.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 08/09/2023 10:34

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 10:34

3dogsandarabbit · 08/09/2023 10:33

Never give your street name to people you have just met.

I know but unfortunately it's to late now. Lesson learnt

OP posts:
3dogsandarabbit · 08/09/2023 10:33

Never give your street name to people you have just met.

Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 10:32

Can people please stop thinking I went out my way for soem attention. That was T the case I wasn't flirting or anything. Yea I got him on Facebook but again I was quite tipsy didn't think any of it.
I know some people are going to judge just for the sake of me going to the pub on my way.
I was mainly asking if this is weird or not and not to be made to feel like this was my fault.

OP posts:
Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 10:30

3dogsandarabbit · 08/09/2023 10:24

So if his boss knew where you lived you must have given the name of your street where you lived, so anyone in the pub could have heard that. You need to be more careful OP.

Years ago a couple I know were burgled whilst on a day trip to France. They thought it was a coincidence and then realised that the night before they had been talking about it in the pub and they think someone followed them home to see where they lived.

There was no body around, we was chatting about it cos I was knew in the area and they just asked street name.
Yes I understand now I have to be careful but like I said I didn't even think any of it at the time

OP posts:
diditbark · 08/09/2023 10:30

Argh. Block him.

Jl2014 · 08/09/2023 10:29

Stay well clear of this guy. Massive alarm bells.

Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 10:29

Loulou599 · 08/09/2023 10:23

There's nothing wrong with going for a drink alone.

However you behaved very naively and recklessly by:
Accepting drinks without watching what was going in the glass
Showing him where you live.

Be careful

He worked behind the bar so even if i brought a drink he could of put anything in there, and I was watching when he made the drink.

He walked that we he lived on the same street.

OP posts:
amlie8 · 08/09/2023 10:29

Loulou599 · 08/09/2023 10:23

There's nothing wrong with going for a drink alone.

However you behaved very naively and recklessly by:
Accepting drinks without watching what was going in the glass
Showing him where you live.

Be careful

Unpopular but true.

I prefer to deal with the real world, rather than some fantasy world in which everyone behaves impeccably.

Here in the real world, you will give off the wrong message by letting some random guy have your full name, your social media account and your home address. Wise up!

To all those moaning about 'perpetuating rape culture', you are doing women no favours. Certain men are not going to change. Instead, we need to be honest about that and encourage women to be more assertive in deflecting unwanted attention – and even avoiding attracting it in the first place.

Darkdiamond · 08/09/2023 10:25

My mum always said that men take anything as a green light. The older I get, the more truth I see in it. They often just don't get (or refuse to understand) the message.

You have to be blunt.
" I'm not interested. I don't want to go out with you".

3dogsandarabbit · 08/09/2023 10:24

So if his boss knew where you lived you must have given the name of your street where you lived, so anyone in the pub could have heard that. You need to be more careful OP.

Years ago a couple I know were burgled whilst on a day trip to France. They thought it was a coincidence and then realised that the night before they had been talking about it in the pub and they think someone followed them home to see where they lived.

Loulou599 · 08/09/2023 10:23

There's nothing wrong with going for a drink alone.

However you behaved very naively and recklessly by:
Accepting drinks without watching what was going in the glass
Showing him where you live.

Be careful

Cotonsugar · 08/09/2023 10:16

Just tell him in capital letters I’M NOT INTERESTED”, then block him. You’ve been nice and polite but it hasn’t got through. As women we have been brought up to be nice and polite and feel we have to explain everything but this doesn’t always work with the opposite sex. Don’t feel guilty and just say no.

Original poster
xx200xx · 08/09/2023 10:15

Yes i am definitely not going back in there what's quite a shame. But I just wanna stay far away now. To awakard and creepy now

OP posts:
Movingandlooking · 08/09/2023 10:12

@Newnamehiwhodis i actually agree with this and I rarely do the crazy lady thing. But if he's not stopping then you need to do something along these lines. Especially as you have a child too. Some men just can't accept you don't want them. I don't think many men are taught about how to speak to women or accept it if they aren't interested. My boys are 8 and 10 and my girls 6 and 4 and we regularly have chats about no means no, regardless as to has said it. And I also chat to the boys about women and how we feel about things etc and they understand more than most men so far. Men are not raised to be gentlemen really!

Movingandlooking · 08/09/2023 10:09

Also... find a new pub. That would put me off even if he stopped

Newnamehiwhodis · 08/09/2023 10:09

omfg people blaming OP for this creep’s behavior: you are the problem. You’re the problem! Stop fcking turning men’s behavior around on women and perpetuating rape culture.

OP. Straight up, this dude is a creep. Tell him stop contacting you or you’ll go to the police. Take a screenshot that you’ve told him that, because one warning is all he gets. Then block. If he bothers you again, report him for harassment. He’s not safe and he doesn’t deserve politeness. Go absolutely ballistic on his arse if you have to. Be the “crazy lady” if you have to- to protect your child and yourself.

Movingandlooking · 08/09/2023 10:07

If it carries on maybe speak to his boss. Because you were a customer and he has basically driven away business and also hasn't respected you enough to leave you alone and stop when you have said you don't want anything.

Doggymummar · 08/09/2023 10:05

OhNoForever · 08/09/2023 10:00

I would send a message being like "sorry if I've given you the wrong impression but I'm not interested in you like that" and then ignore any other messages.

What a fucking weirdo. He's obviously pushy and ignoring the obvious so you need to be clear with him.

No need to apologise, switch the blame to him. you got the wrong impression, I'm not interested in a relationship. I just went out for a quiet drink. Don't make it awkward, Bob.

TooOldForASugarDaddy · 08/09/2023 10:05

Dramatic · 08/09/2023 09:25

So an adult woman can't go to a pub for a couple of drinks without "wanting" to be harassed? Jesus christ

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In an ideal world if doesn’t happen, it shouldn’t happen but unfortunately the world is still full of creeps that do not give a shit of what that ideal world should be, hence why you need to be careful when you are alone.

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