Deathbed marriage?

I’ve had the privilege of conducting a number of these ceremonies. They are lovely, emotional occasions, a true privilege.

Yes, he did this after they married - I didn't think to mention that bit in my post yesterday.
It's a good point for others to be aware of if they are marrying! I imagine it's often the last thing on their mind in 'normal' life or the kind of emotionally charged circumstances of the couple I knew.

A friend of mine who was terminally ill had two children with her partner. They intended to get married some time, but even when her prognosis was very poor, she was chatting enthusiastically about her big day and waiting until her hair grew back. A lawyer friend strongly advised they get married to guarantee her partner a widowers pension, which would have meant more income to support the children, and recognised next of kin status for the partner. They never did. I felt sad for her, and felt that while her dream day might never have happened, a low key ceremony would have had hugely practical benefits. After she died, I know the woman’s mother was straight on to ask about the Go Fund Me monies raised for going on a medical trial. Luckily the partner had been named as a Co-beneficiary.

@MarshyMcMarshFace @Greyfoot yes, I appreciate a will would not have taken care of the IHT issue, but lack of a will (or even a listing of assets or a filing system) made sorting out the assets a nightmare.

The Distance Between Us

All sorts of reasons to do it, much easier if you're a bereaved spouse rather than a partner when it comes to sorting out the bureaucracy around dying and death. You're the official next of kin for starters.

It's called "The distance between us" I think, @TotalOverhaul

My parents did this. Well not quite deathbed but DF was terminally ill and it was three weeks before he died. They'd already been married, divorced and then got back together. Dad wanted mum to be eligible for his pension so they got remarried.

This. My mother was a Superintendent Registrar. She did several death bed marriages. It is much easier legally and financially to be the widow/ widower of someone than to be the girlfriend/ boyfriend/ partner of the deceased.

If they cba before then it's for practical purposes rather than genuine love only.

More like a 'might as well' gesture.

And I totally agree @FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper why is it so cynical and terrible to want to leave your assets to your loved one? Financial reasons (avoiding inheritance tax, pensions etc) are a significant reason for many people to get married. It’s something that I generally assume most people have considered.

I think Ken Dodd did this shortly before he died. He wanted to ensure his life partner had financial stability.

My friend had one when her husband was terminal. I have only seen the video but it was beautiful. It was a show of love and to officially make her his next of kin in the end of his life.

If I knew I was about to die, I'd get married sharpish; pension, death in service payment, life insurance etc.

I would imagine it’s mostly done for practical and financial reasons but that’s not unromantic in itself - it’s an act of love to protect the other partner (financially). I’d feel better facing what was to come if I knew my loved one was going to be secure.

My widowers pension is valuable. I've told my long term close friend that if I get a terminal diagnosis we should get married.

He thought I was joking. I was deadly serious.

To be honest, it's almost financially unwise not to. Especially if you have a close friend (maybe even a Godchild!) who is 60 years younger than you - give them an income for life!

Oh ffs! It’s always the first post isn’t it. Do posters sit there all day waiting to get in there and be as draining, cynical and bloody awful as possible? From now on I’m refusing to look until five posts down!

Why is that cynical or awful? If you've been happily partnered for a very long time and not felt the need yourselves to marry - but you accept that, legally, the surviving partner will be in a much stronger financial position if you do marry, so you just consider it a wise and caring thing to do just before one of you goes.

To be honest, I think, in general, deathbed marriages of people in very LTR for tax/admin reasons seem much less cynical than those who quite easily could have married decades ago, but only decide right at the end that they will - for love. Obviously, as PP have said, there are any number of reasons and circumstances; and it's nothing to do with me what two strangers decide they want to do.

I would assume pragmatic financial decision.

My widowers pension is valuable. I've told my long term close friend that if I get a terminal diagnosis we should get married.

He thought I was joking. I was deadly serious.

Making things administratively easier for the person left behind and avoiding them possibly having to sell the house to pay tax is arguably an act of love anyway.

Exactly and what business is it to anyone else?

Having arranged a number of deathbed marriages I think there are as many reasons as there are people:

Couples who already were planning a wedding and had to bring it forward

A lady who loved her partner and wanted to die Mrs Partner's Surname

A demonstration of love

A pragmatic decision to quickly sort finances and inheritance

And many many more.

I know two people who have done this, an act of love and security. Both had children and were in very loving relationships where unfortunate the husbands had cancer that were diagnosed very late.

My neighbour did this. It was, I think, an act of love. They'd lived together for 10 years and she had children from a previous relationship. I think he wanted to cement that relationship for her so she knew he'd always be there for her kids even though they were a little older. It was desperately sad. She died a few weeks later.

I am so sorry for your loss xx

I married him because I loved him, we were going to get married one day but a terminal diagnosis focuses the mind. I married him because it made me next of kin which meant the medics took me more seriously and he wanted me to be his voice when he could no longer speak because we had talked about how he wanted to be treated and where he wanted to be at the end of his life. He hadn't had those conversations with anyone else. He married me because he loved me and he knew things would be easier for me if I had the legal status of being his wife.