To hate parenting?

Same, I have a 7yo and only now enjoy being with him. I felt each and every day painfully crawl by as I waited for this age.

Parenting got vastly better when maternity leave ended and DC1 was no longer a baby. The fog lifted when I went back to work and DC was able to walk and talk. I’m on maternity leave with DC2 now and while I’m less lonely than I was first time round (not lockdown and no fears about going out with fussy baby or breastfeeding in public) and I’m not so hyper focused on the baby…i’m still wishing time away. I’m not good at this bit!

Yanbu and not alone. Some of the worst times were the first years. I have a 9mo and can't wait for her to go to nursery. The relentlessness and exhaustion is just wrecking me.

I feel similar- Im naturally sociable and I miss the everyday chit chat of work. It helps me to remember that the pressure to take 9/12 months of mat leave is only a recent one, and only confined to certain countries. Lots of countries, women go back to work a lot sooner, or live in communities where the mother isnt (essentially) alone with the baby all day. Plus, men on the whole don't seem to jump at the idea of shared parental leave.

There's nothing wrong with you. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent. Some people are just better at being with small kids all day. I'm not one of them! That's fine, were all different. I've found going back to work part-time around 6 months gives me the right balance

Oh gosh OP I hear you! I had a year with DD1 (now 5), and just under a year with DD2 (now 2.5). DD2 was born during lockdown 2, so the first four or so months of her life were HARD - no family visiting, no groups etc. Once we could go to groups I enjoyed myself much, much more, but I think having had that first 4 months with not much to do, I was very ready to go back!

Out of interest, do you take your DD to any groups, or have you met any friends through her? Groups and my new friends are what kept me sane (and still do - I'm still very good friends with 5 women I met through having DD1).

I love my kids to bits and I do love spending time with them but I really enjoy a break from them too.
On a recent child free day out I was asked if I was missing my children and I couldn't imagine that anyone in that scenario (I was due to be back home early afternoon) would honestly answer yes.

@StrongUsernameHere

My twins were born 3 weeks before COVID started. I spent 9mths at home terribly ill through maternity. Then I spent 20mths stuck at home.

They are now 3.5yrs. And I've actually started this week on a voluntary role. I can't tell you how much my brain, my social skills, just simple ability to make small talk and function alongside adult humans, had deteriorated to nothing.

This week, for the first time since I fell pregnant, I walked into a work place. And by the end of that day, I left with such a sense of "me" that I hadn't seen for the best part of 5yrs.

Don't think for a moment this need to retain your own identity makes you a lesser mother.

I wish I'd volunteered a year ago now.

I went back early both times. Practically skipped into work leaving DH to take DDs to their first days at nursery.

I love my daughters. But my mental health took a complete nose dive on maternity leave. It was the two most awful periods of my life.

I lasted four months at home with my first and five months the second time. Nursery was my salvation. It was the only break we ever got.
Twenty years on and never a single regret. All bonded well enough and my pension looks great.

May I suggest a changing mat called “The Wriggler”. It’s very expensive (may be cheaper copies available). It’s basically a straight jacket so they can’t roll away. My DS struggled against it the first couple of times but once he realised he couldn’t roll he didn’t bother… broke the habit and made nappy changes so much better. Also a special toy (like your keys) that they only get during nappy changes.

I’ve found toddlerhood much better… my DS actually has a personality now. He’s funny, he thinks I’m hilarious, he comes and strokes my hair and gives me cuddles.

I think it depends. I’m the type who needs a loose routine and plan. I was a full time mum for a few years but I’ll always have a ‘Monday we do this and that, Tuesday we go here and there’ etc not to the point where it was a regime, just to the point it gave me structure. I found it so much easier than just looking at endless days with no end. He’s 19 now. They say the minutes drag hit the days fly in and looking back I found that to feel true. Thera no right or wrong feeling to have. You’re totally cut out to be a mum because you ARE a mum! X

I didn't enjoy my first mat leave. I was living with my inlaws and honestly it was a shitshow. I enjoyed my second mat leave much more. I had more of an idea of what to expect and kept dd1 in nursery 2 mornings a week so ds and I could go to a group and get out of the house. My 3rd maternity leave has been the best yet. I've finally learned not to sweat the small stuff and enjoyed being with dd2. We went to 3 groups a week and I just embraced it all. My house wasn't always spotless and I put cuddles with her infront of doing the hoover or dusting but overall I was happier. We got into a routine and despite having 3 kids I felt much less tired than when I had the one.

There is no harm in saying you didn't enjoy your mat leave and it doesn't mean you won't enjoy parenting overall. Remember parenting is a long game and whilst periods will be intense and challenging it won't be this physically intense as baby gets older and can do more for themselves. You aren't a bad mum for feeling this way and it doesn't have any bearing on how your parenting will be as your child gets older.

Babies are a bit boring and tedious (in my opinion) which I didn't realise until I had one 🤣 was planning on being a SAHM but ended up arranging to go back to my job when DS was 6 month old. Just part time though for a bit of alone time.

They get a lot more fun as they get a bit older 😅

I have 4 DC and I absolutely agree with the pp who said parenting is only really enjoyable if you have the ability to spread the load.

By this I mean, be able to visit friends/parents/relatives or have them visit you.

I don’t have this as none of my friends have young children anymore and I’m not close to my family. It’s incredibly lonely and boring.

Young children and babies completely dominate a household, even where there are older children.

I can completely agree with you OP.

Sorry for calling my child an arsehole mother Theresa 👍🏽

I went back after 9 months OP, i was so bored and missed the adult environment. I love my daughter more than anything but i can't be with her all the time, i need adult time. She's 7 now, we have an amazing relationship and enjoy our weekends/holidays together as it's real quality time.

I loved being at home with my baby, even tough it was very hard. And just us, as it was lockdown. Now he’s a three year old & I’m back at work, but it’s much harder! It’s different for everyone.

The child is often fine, it's being stuck at home that doesn't suit everyone

Calling your baby an arsehole is wild

Mums only like parenting if they have support- physical, emotional, practical, financial. Doing it all alone is too much

I also found the baby stage to be the easiest.

I found mat leave lonely and boring. Babies aren’t very good company for me.

My DS is 2 now and is a delight. I actually enjoy spending my day off with him and he’s great company. Which was unimaginable for me back then.

So no, there’s nothing wrong with you… it’s fine to want a child but not particularly enjoy the baby phase.

YANBU. I only did six months mat leave (shared parental leave, DH did the second six months and I went back to work) and that was enough. I love DD but all day alone with a baby was very dull and lonely. It's totally different now she's six, and great company.

The only way I remained sane was to go out and have a plan every single day . Meet friends,toddler groups, see my Mum very regularly,park ,trip to supermarket etc .
Loved my lot so much but baby/ toddler company 24/7 is mind numbing .
My daughter child was 3months old with lockdown and she moved in with us to stay sane .