To hate parenting?

Honestly I think there are quite a few mums that feel like this but don’t speak about it. Whilst there were bits that were enjoyable, I really didn’t enjoy either of my maternity leaves and now I’m back at work im finding it a lot easier. It depends on your resources and how much help you have. Of course, some mums really enjoy being at home but we are all different. I adore my kids but working makes me a better mum as I get a bit of balance.

Good for you. Maybe have some empathy that everyone's experience is different and not everyone had the same great time you did. Not everyone can afford baby massage classes and music classes. A lot of people have post natal depression/anxiety that makes going to groups difficult or impossible.

"Unhappy" mums do not need people to feel sorry for their babies. They need support, empathy and understanding to help them manage parenthood in the way they feel suits them best. They don't need goading posts about meeting "well educated" friends for a Friday wine.

Not sure about the OPs situation but for me, I had no family to visit really, wasn't living near friends. Certainly when mine was a baby, I didn't bother trying to organise much with friends anyway as most conversations would've had to have been had over the top of a yelling child which I found exhausting (friends only being free at the weekends and evenings didn't help either when this was my only chance of a break - I was usually wanting to sleep then!). When she got older I did meet some people at groups, but of the many groups I attended, I met 2 people who I enjoyed spending time with and I didn't see them that often. I hated the local church toddler groups and didn't have the money to go to a different specialist group everyday. I'm not altogether sure how I survived those first years to be honest. I think it probably helps if you're not constantly running on fumes...

I found mat leave extremely difficult. The lack of time to yourself and wondering how to fill the days every single day. As others have said, planning stuff to do is key and embracing the chinks of light like when they can play on their own for a bit while you drink tea.

DC is nearly 3 and I work 4 days but wish I could have more time with her as she's a delight ❤️

Parenting can be so tedious, boring, relentless and never ending, I felt the same, I love my DC more than anything but it’s such hard work. Then before you know it, they’ve flown the nest and when I look back the baby years were the easiest. I’m sure you will feel better when you return to work and get some adult time. Wishing you all the best.

Absolutely agree with you. Love love love my DC (13 and 7) but hated mat leave.

I went to groups but could not relate to the other mums. The conversation only ever revolved around their kids. I was so bored. I craved stimulation and proper adult conversations. When I tried steering conversations away from baby and toddler topics, I would often be met with blank stares. Now I tend only to bond with a tiny handful of mums at school (and hate dreaded parent WhatsApp groups) for the same reason.

Going back to work both times was wonderful (particularly the first time).

Absolutely love the older years. DC are independent people, funny and interesting. Our relationship is brilliant and our time together is precious but we also enjoy our time apart. When we get back from holiday (where we’ve most likely been sharing a small space) we all slink away to our various corners to have some alone time!

But there are other women who love it and have said they had their 2nd or 3rd to get the mat leave. We’re all different!

Totally get this. I decided to take the year off as everyone suggested! From 8-9 months I’ve been desperate to get back to work! I love my baby, but it gets boring doing the same thing day in day out. I don’t think it means we shouldn’t have kids, we just aren’t cut out to be stay at home mums. It’s exhausting when they get to that age and start moving, work seems like it will be a nice break m.

You are not alone and there is no shame in admitting how you feel. All of us have individual and different relationships to motherhood. Some people love being with their babies all the time, some need regular breaks and time away to enable us to be happy and parent well. Posts such as the previous one about "feeling sorry for the babies of unhappy mums" can frankly get in the bin. Babies and toddlers do not need to be glued to their mums 24/7 to be happy and secure and can thrive with a number of caregivers. I know I'm a much better parent for regular time away from my son. No one needs to feel sorry for him, he's a happy, secure and loving boy who is completely thriving.

I have a 16 month old and still find days hard with him. I did all the "right" things, I had loads of family support, regular breaks, attended groups, had plenty friends and a baby who slept and napped well and I still hated it. I love my son but hated being at home with him. It doesn't make me a bad person or mum and nor does it make you. I still remember the immense relief I felt on his first day of nursery!

I wouldn’t worry too much about disturbing the nights. DD1 had some sort of routine, but even then if I was invited out I scraped it, or ditched it for swimming lessons once a week etc. But when we were home it was very structured and ran like clockwork. DD2 has no routine, she goes to bed…at some point, naps as and when she wants. Basically haven’t been able to embed much of a routine as I want to take older daughter out to do things, or school/ nursery pick ups and she goes to classes etc.
Both have slept through the night since they were around 2 months (11-12 hours) and I’ve never experienced a sleep regression with either. Some children are just good sleepers.

You're definitely not alone, I went back to work P/T when my first was 5 months old and it was so liberating. It's both boring and intense being alone with a baby, and particularly if you don't have adult company during the day

Not unreasonable at all. My second is quite an intense baby so her starting nursery was godsend. She’s fabulous and lots of fun but the two and a half days she’s at home for the weekend is more than enough. Parenting is monotonous and like Groundhog Day sometimes. Don’t feel bad

I had my first and then lockdown hit when she was 4 weeks old. I was Googling ‘how young can a baby be and go to nursery?’
I literally spent my maternity in the house (with husband but still!) I technically went back when she was 5 months but was really 6 months. I didn’t regret it and actually enjoyed my time so much more with her when it wasn’t every day.
Currently on mat leave with baby no#2. Plan was to do the same again but I’ve extended it so I’ll go back when she’s 8 months.
I get lonely now even though this week I’m at home with both of them. It’s relentless, I’m always busy but never achieve anything, 3 year old has a screen addiction and baby cries when I put her down! They tag team to bring on my downfall 😂😂

@FoodFann I was also militant about naps and routine and I don’t care what anyone else thinks as it was for my own sanity, and she slept through 11 hours from 5 months old. I did leave the house for groups, shops and walks but I was always home for nap time. Not everyone is a social butterfly and that’s fine too. Looking back now naps are a distant memory anyway (she’s 4.5)

I went back to work at 3 months. I knew that a long maternity leave would be awful for me and I was right, I was more than ready after 3 months and couldn't wait to get back.

Babies are dull. Mine is 9 months now and it's much better balancing parenting with work than doing nothing but the parenting stuff.

Are you not seeing other people?

I still got loads of adult company on mat leave - i met friends, saw family, went to toddler groups where i met loads of nice people. And i still had my own hobbies and friends, we had people over in the evenings or i went out to meet people for drinks/meals etc.

Oh and sadly my baby never smelled of anything much. I must be a defective mother 🤷

I felt exactly the opposite. Babies are stressful but boring. 4 and 5 year olds are far from boring, with much less stress. More argumentative of course, but at least you don't have to change nappies/clear up sick/etc, and you can have a laugh with them. And you can leave them alone a bit!

We're all different. Thank goodness there are people who like looking after babies, so nurseries exist 👍

Not everyone enjoys the baby stage, and I think it's quite dull if you're doing it alone. I really liked having babies when I had a circle of mum friends that I could spend time with but e.g. in lockdown it wasn't much fun.

Nope this was me too! I suspect I had PND and PNA but I loathed it. So boring. Once they can walk and talk it improves massively so don’t panic! Mine has just started school and I love spending time with her now. Small babies aren’t for everyone! Wish people would be more honest as I felt like you did. I even counted down the days on a calendar for a while 😳. I took 11 months and the last 2 my husband took shared leave whilst I was using my annual leave, that helped a lot. Sending hugs!

You are not alone! I hated maternity leave and the entire first year to be honest. I know I'm not cut out for parenting as he's now 5 and I'm counting down the years for him to grow up. He's brilliant, but being a parent is utter crap in my opinion and I struggle to think of much that's good about it. I have lots of friends now who don't have children and I find them much easier to be around compared to friends who coo over how great it is.

I'll never understand why people keep having them or how we aren't extinct!

That was aimed at an earlier reply. Clearly I’ve not done that properly so looks like a random message.

I think a lot of women let themselves be held hostage to a nap and feeding routine - is what she’s getting at. Everything can be worked around.

My son had severe projectile reflux until maybe 2.5/3 and we were under the hospital and had prescription medications and also prescription formula. We went out all the time, just took heaps of clothes everywhere as my work around. I wasn’t being stuck at home for any of our sanity.

As such the question is relevant - what’s the reason, as someone can likely offer a workaround.

Please don’t worry! I stayed a full year and plan to stay again a full year with second DD but that’s because I have very high pressure job and just need a break from it. And i will only do it if there will be some respite from childcare- from partner, my mum etc. Because it is very draining!
I know quite a few mums who went back at 6/9 months. It doesn’t make you a bad mom and doesn’t make you a mum who doesn’t love her baby

I enjoyed my second mat leave more. I was busier, had more things to do, put less pressure on myself to do things perfectly, and less worried and stressed. How you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Babies are at best boring but usually just hard work. If someone could have handed me two potty trained toddlers I'd have jumped at it. When they can talk it gets so much easier and less mind numbingly gruelling.

It's like a puppy, cute for the first 5 mins and then it pees on your carpet and it can't walk anywhere for weeks until it's vaccinated. Much rather be handed a trained dog that can go for walks and do things.