To hate parenting?

Totally understandable! Especially if you aren't seeing many people you can get into survival mode. Really good to go along to things - need to outnumber the baby 😉 then it's more relaxing and fun!

Accepted we can’t know what it’s like before we have babies, but just to say it’s ‘boring’ and go back to work early smacks of self absorption and selfishness. Seriously. Don’t have any more children if you are that ‘bored’ !!!!

Poor kids.

I just found it intensely boring so I went back after 12 weeks. That was enough for me.

Well the group were not exactly great leaving you in that way, we have a screamer and everyone took turns rocking him to give his mother - our friend a break. I can well imagine it felt lonely, we had mothers with PND and other issues. A good experience starts and ends with tons of non judgmental support, if you can find that I guarantee it will transform your maternity leave. Especially if they enjoy letting their hair down on Saturday nights!

Totally agree with you, my 5 year old definitely has his moments, but for the most time he is entertaining, good to have a laugh with, watch films, go places, travel with ect. He even entertains himself a lot of the time too 🤣 I'd have another child tomorrow if they came 2 years +, but wouldn't consider another baby

Don't overthink it, just enjoy going back to work and handing kiddie over to the professionals. It doesn't make you a bad mum not to want to play peekaboo 24/7

This. I preferred the teen years, she was independent and was involved in activities that I could enjoy as well.

I love my kid, I hate parenting sometimes. It’s hard. I was home for 9 months with her, went mad with boredom.
That doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent or you should not have had a child, you’re just burned out. It’s normal and the time together will be all the better once you’re back at work.
I know, for me it did.
Let me repeat. This. Is. Normal.

Mothers should be more vocal not less about their experiences, and speak to the HV and GP. No one wants their baby’s first experiences to be marred by their mothers loneliness and isolation or zero support. It’s really up to us as a society to ensure this doesn’t happen

Ha! The health visiting team I saw couldn't care less that I was lonely and not coping. when I turned up broken at the weigh in sessions, basically rocking in a corner. The health visitor who visited me then spent the whole time 'eulogising' about her 'wonderful' maternity leave, much like you have, making me feel even worse.

I hate these classes with a passion. Sitting on the floor in a church hall pretending to be interested in other babies and their nap schedules. Ye gods.

You’re not alone. I was the same. I came back to work after 6months and could leave my child with his granny, so rid not feel too much guilt… Things get easier with time, at least it does with my child :)

I had a lovely NCT group who did lots of nice activities - baby cinema, classes, lunches, picnics... I also had a miserable baby who cried endlessly, wouldn't settle and would only sleep if I was constantly walking at speed whilst wearing them in a carrier. At best, I got to look at my NCT group doing all of these lovely activities and having a great time from a distance whilst I marched around with my screaming baby. I distinctly remember one picnic where I could hear them laughing across the field whilst I walked alone trying to calm their babies down - their babies napped sweetly in their prams, mine was puce and sweaty from screaming. Being with them made me feel more lonely than being by myself.

I was a million times happier when I went back to work (and my child was with their father, who was on shared parental leave). They're now a sweet, easygoing toddler and I (mostly) thoroughly enjoy the time I spend with them.

"Mothers should be more vocal not less about their experiences"

@Lastchancechica funny that you should say that as that's exactly what we've all done on this thread and you've judged some of us for it!! Practice what you preach - shame on you!

I'm a mixed bag to be honest iv loved being home looking after my DD but I'm now feeling ready to get back out there! I'm starting back at University after deferring for a year to have DD and I'm excited to be mixing my Uni work with having time with her I will feel more balanced and to be honest I think being in nursery for a couple of days a week then half a day with her grandparents and cousins is going to do her the world of good from a social point of view. Don't feel bad for not wanting to be at home all the time and wanting some balance! Although it does sound like you need to arrange more social stuff so that you can be around adults I couldn't of got through this last 10 months without having plans a few times a week and having my partner around.

I thought the same about fairness, sort of, but when we were planning for baby 3 I was fully intending to go back to work much sooner than with the other two. Admittedly I was working much more P/T than with the first two, and with the experience I'd also have been more chilled about letting someone else have the baby for a day at a time (with my first one I was so anxious that something would go wrong that I barely took my eyes off him).

Baby 3 never happened (health issues - we are grateful we had the first two when we did) but I still think it was a perfectly good option and would have resulted in a much happier parent-of-baby.

I hear you on the loneliness. I found it hard, too, to talk to my baby before he could talk back - I knew I should, but the words wouldn't come. Then I had another and had two under two for a few months, and my second one was much more difficult as a baby JUST as her brother hit the difficult-toddler stage. Burnout is real!

But! Second kid was a difficult baby but an easy, smiley, delightful toddler and I have enjoyed parenting SO much more with kids who can talk. I now have two pre-teens who have been really good company for years, and it's never been so hard again. I went back to work PT when second kid was 18 months and it was a lifeline (I had a long but not too crowded or difficult commute by train and it was my best "me time" in years). I now work FT and husband does the school pickup, holidays etc.

There is hope. We're not all born to be ideal parents of little babies but that's just as well because they don't stay that way. I hope the tide turns for you soon - it will happen more suddenly than you expect!

I'm also getting slightly off topic but I find the fact if someone is well educated or completely irrelevant as to whether they can hold a good conversation or not or if they are good company!

What you don't seem to understand is that not every mother enjoys baby classes such as music, baby massage etc and it's a reason why they find maternity leave so dull.

Not enjoying it doesn't mean you need to involve the HV and GP because there's nothing wrong or abnormal about not enjoying the baby stage.

I had 11 months off and I did enjoy it mostly but also found it hard. The day I got back to work I revelled in sitting at my desk with a coffee I drank while it was hot, able to read some documents I needed to read, and generally feeling like I had an identity and purpose beyond snack-provider / nappy-changer / general dogsbody. Nothing wrong with that.

Nope i felt exactly the same, i got that fed up i went back to work after 4 months there is no way i could have coped longer. I do now have a bit of mum guilt but it allowed me to push my career and get the things i needed without struggling.

'baby's first experiences' don't matter too much as long as they're held, fed, cleaned and played with a bit. My second baby was a massive sleeper so I had an ace maternity leave visiting friends abroad and generally doing whatever I wanted; my first was a nightmare as they had horrific colic and I was living somewhere that I have no family and few friends - and 'society' couldn't care less. Circumstances really matter - and a HV or GP can't really help - unless maybe in terms of PND.

You’re not alone. I’m 6 months into my second mat leave after having a year with my first and I can’t for the life of me remember why I decided to have a full year again 🙈 I think I thought it would be unfair to baby 2 if I had less than I had with baby 1. I get bored if I have to spend all day in the house so we regularly go out to groups, meeting friends or just to the supermarket so that I can leave the house. It doesn’t make you a bad parent to want some time to yourself and some adult company occasionally.

You are me. I cry sometimes because I think I’m just not made for this. I can’t stand how mundane everything is and i can’t seem to keep him entertained. It’s getting worse now he can crawl - it’s just an endless exhausting game of chasing him round saying no. I love him, but I just don’t have the level of patience required to be a mum. I thought I’d be good at it but I’m shit, and I really don’t enjoy it.

Firstly the well educated comment was in response to some posters having had a maternity without a single worthwhile conversation!

My second point was putting the other side to new mothers reading this, motherhood can be enjoyed, it’s not all dull monotony every day. It’s obviously not everyone’s experience.

The music class was run by the church and was free, it’s run by volunteers. The baby massage was an nct group meet up and just a few pounds.

Mothers should be more vocal not less about their experiences, and speak to the HV and GP. No one wants their baby’s first experiences to be marred by their mothers loneliness and isolation or zero support. It’s really up to us as a society to ensure this doesn’t happen.

Speak for yourself - for some people it is difficult