To hate parenting?

Don’t beat yourself up about it… I was so ready to go back to work after 9 months, babies are boring and hard work! My toddler is 2.5 now and I love my weekends with him but am so happy to get back to my desk on a Monday and turn into the ‘non parent’ version of myself again for a bit.

The strength / type of bond you have with a child does not determine weather you are the primary caregiver though?

Parenting isn't my favourite thing. I love my 3 year old, but she can be hard work.

It's why I've not had another yet, and likely won't.

Not knowing my background/history hasn't stopped you up until now so why bother? I'd drop the faux concern too, it is obvious that you don't have any genuine concern or you wouldn't have said half of the things you have. Especially since you're supposed to be a mental healthcare professional.

Tell the GP and Midwife what? That I dislike the newborn stage? That I'll be going back to work when baby is 3 months like I did with DS? Why on earth would I? None of that is concerning and the Health Visitor certainly didn't show any concern when I went back to work with DS. Perhaps she'd disagree with you.

Also OP having spent the day at home with my one year old (unusually - normally we'd go out), I do think it's actually easier if you force yourself to go out. It's good for entertaining the baby and you'll both have a nice time.

So yep agree with @PurpleWisteria1 on that, even if we disagree about whether I have a good bond with my daughter

I am exiting because I don’t know your background and history, and if you are pregnant and are going into another newborn stage and have this level of rigid and nevstive thinking already then it does not bode well.

Please tell the GP and midwife what you have said on here. There is plenty of support out there. London is an especially hard place to raise children 💐

Yes it is. Like I said before, I'm confident with my decision.

@SouthLondonMum22 exactly

OP sorry your thread is getting a bit aggy. Be assured though that loads of people find the first months tough: for me it has got easier and easier so hopefully things will improve for you, too. I think some people do find the baby stage easy, but by no means all! And also remember that Instagram etc tends to make it look like everyone is enjoying every moment... but it's not the full story

Your position is entrenched.

Baby stage was the best/easiest for me. By the end of my mat leave though I felt I had disappeared, I was stressed about it ending but I also craved human interaction. He's 6 now and unfortunately I think a mini me. I find it difficult to parent 😭. It's hard being a mum. I really don't think about what I say to him. I think I've probably turned into a shitty mum going off of my own upbringing. I just hope I don't mess him up too much

Okay. You do you.

See, it's utter nonsense to me when random people on the internet seem to think they know other people's babies better than their parents.

I know exactly what pp means. DS has a bond with his keyworker at nursery but it's nothing like the bond he has with me or DH and he doesn't need to be able to talk for me to know that.

My point exactly. It’s utter nonsense.

Babies number one? What does that even mean? Did the baby tell you that then at 5 months old?
you are only the primary caregiver if you spend the most time with the baby during it’s waking hours. Full stop.

You are feeling this way because you are isolated.
I loved it but like others have said, I absolutly had to have a plan to get out and meet people almost every day. Even spending 1 single day at home (snowy weather for example) was horrible and hard.
Sounds like you are being very rigid with routine. Why can’t you get out to a baby / toddler group in the morning before lunch?
You said ‘we don’t get out much’ and I love it when I spend the day with my mum which tells me everything. You are lonely.
You must make an effort to meet other mums - I’m so surprised that everyone doesn’t do this- saved my sanity when mine were babies and I’m still in contact with a few of the baby group mums now 14 years on!
Find a local pay as you go group or scrape the money to pay for a longer set of sessions. - worth their weight in gold.

This age will be known as the age of narcissism, and this thread will make excellent future research material in the way it has impacted motherhood, and very young babies.

Absolutely.

Not to mention the fact that it completely took what I was saying out of proportion which seems to be a habit from pp.

Not being a fan of the newborn stage doesn't mean that the whole thing hasn't been a great experience. He's 9 months old and I've certainly had more good experiences than bad, I'm finding it more enjoyable the older he gets.

"I assume you are only having one if it hasn’t been a great experience?”

@Lastchancechica this was an astonishing thing to say to @SouthLondonMum22, and even more so if you are a mental health professional!

I loved being at home and resented the fact l had to go back part time when baby was only 17 weeks old. I was never bored at home but work has always left me extremely bored. I'm much happier at home but different strokes for different folks.

Nah I went to work at 5 months and I'm still my baby's number one. She has other grown ups who she enjoys spending time with, though. She loves going to nursery and she loves being picked up from nursery! It's great

Or just mind your bloody business on what works for other people and I say that as someone who was a SAHM until DC started school.

If you wanted to leave it, you could’ve done by simply not responding but you just had to get in there with one more jibe that I’m clearly just not a good mother.

I’m an amazing mother. You’re incredibly condescending.

There are many ways to be a good mother, it’s certainly not just your way.

Working is absolutely the best thing for my baby for many reasons. I know what is best for my baby, some stranger on the internet most definitely does not.

Your baby’s first experiences are the blueprint for the rest of their life. If you wish to discount your pivotal role then do so, I can not agree with you. Let’s leave it there. We are pulling in opposite directions.

I am a massive champion of children’s rights and mostly their right to a solid start in life with their primary caters ( father or mother) for secure attachments. I work in psychiatry.

I wish you the best, please try and think about what is best for your child/children. You are never expected to be a perfect parent, you are invested in your child in a way that no one else will ever be.

Motherhood is absolutely for me, thanks. It just isn't all I want or value out of life, I also enjoy my career and I feel no guilt about that.

Not enjoying one very tiny stage of parenting doesn't mean that I'm not a good parent.

It’s up to you. We all have different values, different priorities. I am well past that stage now, and honestly look back with such tenderness, and maybe you will feel differently when you are older/they are older. Motherhood is not for everyone, and not everyone’s experience is positive and happy. Especially for those struggling with their mental health. Good luck South London I hope it all goes well for you.