Work from home conflict!

No, you really aren't. In lockdown when the three adults in my household were all WFH, we were all at pains to keep noise to a minimum, discuss things like when we had a meeting/needed quiet time and where in the house was best to sit etc. No one huffed or argued if one of us had a delivery/we had the pest control man making noise in the kitchen when someone was on a Zoom meeting, etc. It's basic consideration and manners.

Does he generally listen and understand when you explain your POV over difficult subjects? If so then is there maybe something else going on between you, or with him?
What if you sat him down and said very explicitly that you are not understanding his reaction and seeming lack of comprehension about the issue, and asked him to help you understand?

why can't he sit with his back to the wall, so that all that's visible on camera is the wall behind him - and use headphones, so the only noise is him speaking at normal volume.
Stop tiptoe-ing around him - agree that it's not unreasonable for him to work in the office when you are working night shifts.

Why not rent hot desk space if there's anywhere near you?
I rent ten days a month - and I only need to avoid the cat stomping over the keyboard.

Well if my partner was doing something that was having a significant impact on my mental health, was aware of that and yet was completely unwilling to discuss that or make compromises, that wouldn't be a relationship worth keeping to me.

He's not willing to change anything so as pp have said that leaves you to make a decision:
Put up with it
Move out (either with or without him)
Change jobs

YANBU.

DH and I both work from home. Originally only I did, and worked from the dining room table in an open plan tiny house. It meant the kitchen and livingroom were essentially part of my office. When DH started WFH during Covid we realised how even with him upstairs in the spare room, having me in there just didn't work.

We moved and now both have our own offices and it works well. But it's not fair for your DH to WFH full time when it's taking over the whole flat and impeding on your downtime from work and sleep.

He is lazy and selfish.

People like this seem to think that when you work a night shift you ‘sleep’ all night. In my case, you turn up give out a few tablets to patients and then they sleep all night so you can get your head down which is furthest from the truth as possible. You need to stay awake all night one night and have loud conversation on your phone, play loud you tube tutorials, bang doors etc then say I’m doing exactly what you do when I’m trying to sleep after a night shift. He I a selfish twunt. When I worked nights one thing that stood out to me was my husband shouting at the kids to ‘ be quiet your mothers trying to sleep’ louder than the kids were!

Yanbu x

if she works nights what do you think she may need to do in the day?

Lots of people (mostly men in my experience) who WFH, can be selfish and entitled. But this one is to a level I haven't yet seen and makes me wonder what else is going on? his response is the kind of response I'd expect from someone who is very controlling and, for example, expects you to tell him where you are at all times, doesn't like it if you go out without him (and/or will check on you if you do), has lots of opinions (mostly negative) on your friends and family etc etc etc.

If he's using Teams then you can add an artificial background that conceals what's behind you - this would ensure you'd be invisible or blurred behind him.

Doesn’t the OP work nights and therefore need the use of the bedroom in the day?

The bedroom the OP is sleeping in after a night shift? Probably not the solution you seem to think it is.

I've asked for a compromise and he gets so defensive and accuses me of wanting rid of him.

Honestly, I would get rid of him. No kids, and no compromise- bin him, OP.

Honestly the entitlement from him is rage inducing.

....erm..come again??

If by any chance your role is a medical one, say a nurse or doctor, his outrageous stupidity is potentially risking harm to other people, patients.

Would he like to have a vasectomy or prostate procedure carried out by someone too tired to work safely? No, I thought not!

Or you know, just tell him to set up in the bedroom?

Not exactly a tough fix...

he needs to get himself to the nearest costa/office space (plenty of places offer it for the price of a few coffees) on those specified days and give you your home back.

Selfish narc alert! Does he really expect you to tip toe around him and listen to his tedious calls on your day off? Is he normally this selfish/ lacking in empathy.

Also he doesn’t have to go to the office, if he doesn’t like the commute he can go to a cafe or the local library. Sounds like he wants everything his own way and hang the consequences- what a dick. I’d be having a final chat with him and then suggesting counselling if he tries to emotionally blackmail you again.

When I WFH I share a study with my DH and I used background wallpaper (from the standard Teams menu) and a headset. Your DP is being a self centered brat. If he wants to WFH full time you will need to move to somewhere with a second bedroom (additional costs to be picked up by him from all that money he is saving on the commute). In the meanwhile, background and headset are basic courtesy, or just replace the DP with a smarter more tech savvy person.

If the tables were turned and your work was preventing him from sleeping or there was a risk of him accidentally parading naked in front of your work colleagues, how would he feel? Bet he wouldn't like it.

If you were really petty you could start stomping around while he's sleeping and say "annoying isn't it??" when he complains.

PP post of you living in his workspace rather than him working from home really stood out to me.

Three points:

1. Can he work from the other side of the table so his camera is pointed away from where you might be seen?
2. Can you afford a bigger place where he could have a workspace in a second bedroom? (He'd still obviously have to reign in the volume of course)
3. Tell him you can't live like this any more and you will be separating unless he starts respecting you.

YANBU OP

As above, why doesn’t he at least sit on the other side of the table/blur the background and wear headphones so you can get on without being on camera and worry about being noisy?

he works from home you don’t home from his work

he needs to go to the office

I'm guessing you pay the same towards rent and bills as he does? If so, point out that that entitles you to a decent opportunity to sleep and use the entire flat in your free time.

I am assuming you are raising this in a kind and diplomatic manner. If so, why is he storming and huffing? This is the behaviour of an adolescent. Do you really want to be with a man who can’t communicate about something so simple? A practical solution would be for him to use a co-working space nearby. I agree with him that spending two hours each day commuting unnecessarily seems silly.