Cash for wedding gift

I have been to many weddings across the world… and cash was always what was given…
it was an experience handing over the red envelope to the bridesmaids in Hong Kong, who opened it then and there and wrote down the amount given next to our names…
pinning money on the bride in Greece… handing it over in a card elsewhere.
i much prefer the couple to have freedom to buy something they like. Absolutely awful when couples end up with half their John Lewis wish list, and have 10 Denby White dinner plates, but only 6 bowls, and six spoons, but 8 knifes… and then have to top up.
plus the unwanted gifts… vouchers for shops they never shop in, or for an amount that requires serious topping up, picture frames, “fun” Mr & Mrs stuff, a collection of champagne flutes…

I really don’t understand this whole thing of going against a couple’s request of what they request, whether thats gift/money/experience.

no one ( with any decency) would attend a wedding without a gift, so why not just go by what the couple have requested?

in my culture its very common for the bride to be gifted shit loads of gold and jewellery because in our home country there is ample opportunity to wear it and its a very good investment for the couple however as we got married here we i had no use for extravagant jewels lol so we requested money, mainly for my side of the family as my husband is english and they wouldnt have got jewellery anyways.

anyways we had a few people who ignored our request, i would have rather honestly they didnt waste their money because i now have have

24 wine glasses sitting up in my loft curtesy of 3 different people

3 different tea sets

1 silver gravy jug.

all in loft as they are never of use to us and a waste of their poor money

( this reminds me i do need to clear the loft out at some point)

So the one time you got one, you effectively converted it into cash??

Loving the irony!!

I don't like pure cash requests I do find them a bit vulgar if the couple already have a home together and go on lots of holidays each year

Although we did ask for vouchers to a certain DIY/home furnishing shop - only because one of us worked there and got a generous staff discount and we were renovating our first home together so made sense - why do a gift list for this shop when if we used vouchers we'd get the discount on top so the money would go further

I dislike requests for cash for things like a holiday or honeymoon partly because its so much more extravagant than we had....or still have.

Wow, that's so mean!

So you give people vouchers because you don't want to give them cash, but when you had a voucher you converted it into cash.

Makes sense.

Just give cash and save everybody the hassle?!

Absolute lol that you think a “traditional” gift list asking people to kit out your house is somehow superior to asking people to help send you on honeymoon, aka cash

StarBloo
You know the cost per head for those people to have you at their wedding? It's not cheap.

I'm fine with giving cash as a gift if preferred.

I'm NOT fine with the idea of linking the cost of the wedding (totally the choice of the B & G) to some kind of 'admission charge' for the guests. They should give an amount that they want to give and what they can afford.

It's not the guests' responsibility or concern how much a wedding has cost to mount. If the B & G have overspent - tough cookie.

This exact post comes up on MN at least once a month, and the whole thread is always people pearl clutching about how terribly vulgar and awful it is to ask for money, which is weird to me because every wedding I've been to in the last twenty years, across a wide variety of social and ethnic backgrounds, has always included some variation on "we don't want any presents, but if you did want to get us something a contribution to our honeymoon would be welcome".

I cannot get even a teeny tiny bit worked up about it. If you don't want to give them money then don't give them money, no need to get your knickers in a twist about it.

We managed to lose our wedding vouchers so the people who bought those completely wasted their money. Cash for our honeymoon would have been wonderful - we might have managed somewhere a bit more exotic than Scotland.

Vouchers are awful. Loads have restrictions or are difficult to spend. One for all and Love to Shop are the worst as the expiration dates are short and they deduct money unless you check their balance. Honestly just don't get anything if you resent it so much.
I'm happy to give cash. It doesn't get wasted and it reduces replication of gifts. Less waste.

In my country cash is the normal gift, and there are even websites that calculate how much you should give based on how much you earn, how close you are to the couple etc. It’s just a cultural thing - wedding gifts are for setting up the new household whether by cash or through buying items for their home. But if they have asked for cash it just seems very weird and uncaring to give them a voucher instead just to make a point.

I guess I find it a bit vulgar

So do I, OP, and anyway it's pointless since practically everyone - knowing perfectly well they already have a home together - will just give money anyway

In any case it's the asking which is the issue for me, especially when it comes with an implied "We just want to be sure you won't be stupid enough to buy us some tat"

Ditto
but that wasn’t the op

Don't do that the venue/wedding day might be a disaster

typically one4all
Those vouchers are a PITA
I got one and i said I'd never get one for anyone. They're a lot of messing

I don't mind giving cash, and I don't mind contributing to a honeymoon (or anything else in the couple's future).

However I did feel sad going to my dniece's wedding. She had got completely caught up in the whole 'wedding' thing and she and her dp had overspent on things that they deemed to be essential. They had some financial help from parents, then they'd taken out a loan and approaching the wedding they maxed out their credit cards.

My cash gift was helping to repay this. For what? A balloon arch; a caricaturist (everyone hated the pictures - they were just mean!); a photobooth with dressing up clothes so the guests could make ridiculous 'best wishes' photos for a compilation album; a candy and chip cart (sweets and crisps); the matching bridesmaids dressing gowns with their names in rhinestones; a personalised aisle runner; chair covers and coloured tiebacks (when the hotel chairs were really nice as they were); personalised favours that were mostly left behind (tote bags for the 'laydees' monogrammed with the couple's initials and wedding date)...

I'm not saying that any of these were wrong. But my dniece couldn't afford it and had bought into a dream of what a wedding should look like. I'm glad she had the day she and her dp wanted but I'd have felt more genuinely generous if I was contributing to their future.

I would never ‘request’ gifts
yuk
id invite people to celebrate my day and if I get a gift or cash then that is a bonus

But will hopefully teach you to listen rather than give people what you would like

That just be tough op

to realise that for the past however many years you’ve been giving presents that many of us know are a pain in the arse to redeem!

I agree
I got married mid 2000s
We had a traditional wedding list...although we had a house we still lived with hand me downs and second hand items, cheap crockery and mismatched glasses.
*I say traditional but maybe that's relatively recent to prevent unwanted items??
I still have and use (as do my parents) the posh dinner set and lots of other items (towels are on their last legs) from our list.

Back then people went to great lengths to make it clear even if you had a gift list a gift WASN'T expected. It was totally optional. And we made sure items were affordable and of different prices. Someone could buy 1 mug for £4, or pick up all the glassware for £100+
The gifts were high quality essentials, not luxuries. I still think of the people that purchased them when I use them.
Some people went entirely off list and brought other stuff...which was very welcome.

I dislike requests for cash for things like a holiday or honeymoon partly because its so much more extravagant than we had....or still have.

We had a minimalist wedding and 1 week in Greece. My kids get two weeks in Spain each year.
I don't want to go to a huge extravagant wedding where they have spent a fortune on "aesthetics" and be asked for cash toward a 3 month tour of the Pacific Islands or worse to pay for some chair covers.

Vouchers are an absolute pain in the arse. I think I'd rather another toaster.

Yes, your view is very odd.

Cash has been the normal wedding gift in most cultures for centuries, and is very normal in the UK now also. No point giving people "stuff" they do not need (and not very environmentally friendly, either). This is a peculiar British hang up.

There's nothing "vulgar" about it. The idea of wedding gifts is to help the couple establish a happy married life together. Cash for home improvements, saving for a baby, for a honeymoon or whatever else they use it for is entirely appropriate.