Wedding etiquette

I think £250 and definitely return the flutes.

Well, I'd expect adult son and adult daughter to sort their own gifts and cards to the bride and groom (£50 each), so for you and DH, £100.

Pay what you can afford, we had some family give us £20 and others several thousand, it has no extra meaning. I have a cousin on benefits and another with several millions, I didn't judge either 🤷‍♀️

£100 for me

£100 as a family is what I would try to give if you can, plus the Champagne flutes you have already bought would seem a nice gift. I think £100 is a lot of money so this thread has been an eye opener

No more than £100 as a family. People saying gifts upwards of this seems insane!!

Is the cover your plate thing one of these tacky Americanisms? Such as bridesmaids paying for their own outfits and guests being expected to cover the cost of the wedding? The gift, monetary or otherwise is supposed to be towards helping them start their new life together, not be a ticket price to cover their attendance.

As many have already said, I would return the champagne flutes and give cash. As might as well give what they asked for.
If you do give the flutes with cash, or by themselves, I would give a set of 6 or 8.

If it was only yourself and parnter going, I would give minimum €150 so would increase by another €100 to include your adult children. If it a joint gift from the 4 of you, can your children contribute?

When I went to a work colleague 's wedding with other friends from work, we all gave a joint cash gift.
This worked well as people going by themselves gave 1/2 of what the couples in the group gave.

Minimum £50 per adult- more if it's a free bar etc. in your situation I would do £300 (£100 for you and DH, £50 per cousin)

My husband and I tend to spend £40-80 between us depending on our relationship with the couple.

I've spent less (when I didn't have much money, or the wedding was destination and cost a bomb to attend, couple requested no gifts, or the couple didn't get us anything for our wedding).

We've also spent more (extremely close to the couple, no expenses to attend wedding, something I particularly want to gift).

I'd say the average gift for our own wedding was about £30pp.

I go by the general rule of £50 per person. If the kids were young you’d exclude them, but say for yours £25 each. So I’d gift anywhere between £150-£200.

I base that on if a sit down meal is provided you’re covering your costs plus extra as the gift.

Crikey, some big budgets here! I think £50 per adult is generous, so £200 total, but make sure the adult dc chip in.

Some of these responses are bonkers. Here’s me thinking people invited guests to their wedding to celebrate the day with them, not to pay for the day. Delightful

I’ll have the champagne flutes op - bloody love a bit of glassware! 🤣

Nooooo you have to put the wedding prese.t money aside first and then only buy an outfit with what's left. If that's nothing then any thing from your wardrobe is better than skimming on the£500 present

Me and my partner always give around 200!

Ok so by the logic on here of covering your plate....

Carol has two kids. Both alike on brains and temperament.
Kate falls in love with a guy who comes from money. His family pay for the entire wedding. The wedding breakfast costs £200 ph (£150 for kids).
Pippa marries a social worker, they save hard and pay for the entire wedding themselves. The WB comes in at £20 ph (£10 for kids)

So as their aunt, with DH, 19 yo twins at Uni and a 14 you you'd honestly gift Kate £950 and Pippa £90?

Crazy ammounts mentioned- give what you ca afford.

Cover your plate? Pretty Vulgar to try and work out what it costs.

I'm gonna marry an Irishman next time round!!

Guess I'm gonna be a bad Aunty when I go to my nephew's wedding later this year. Train fare, paying for our own "wedding breakfast" at the restaurant plus drinks all day, hotel cos it's 100+ miles away. He won't be getting £200

Christ alive, by the amounts bandied about on here you’re ending up spending around £500+ (not including your wedding outfits, travel costs and drinks costs). You shouldn’t have to pay that ridiculous amount to go celebrate someone’s wedding with them, that’s disgusting.

Has ‘cover your plate’ tried to creep in because so many people are now aspiring to lavish weddings that they actually can’t afford, often because they already have other financial responsibilities like children? Bonkers. You host people at your wedding, or your parents do. It’s not a transaction with your guests.

You give what you can afford. Most likely you've already forked out on outfits or accessories. £50pp would be nice if you can afford it.

I agree with others though about ditching the champagne flutes. In my day it was bloody crystal decanters. Got several of the things and they've never been used in 33 years.

I would probably give £100 and the champagne flutes.

sone of these figures are crazy.

It's not the rule 🤣🤣🤣

OP - where are you, what's the culture where you are/your family?

In my world, you do not give in expectation to 'cover your plate' so, £100 for our family would be okay if DC lived at home.l

We have Irish friends who would give more than double or treble that though, so it really varies.

Don't give more than you can afford. I agree the flutes probably won't be wanted tbh. At our wedding (admittedly 7 years ago) we got approx £50 a couple from all day guests. However an uncle did give us £500 - he's a bit better off than the rest of us though! So it depends how well off you are, how close, and what you can actually afford