Wedding etiquette

Absolutely!

We had a large expensive wedding but I didn't 'expect' or preempt any sum of money from anyone.

However, if I was attending as a family of 4 working adults then I'd be estimating to give at the very least £300. But would probably give £400, £200 from the Aunt and Uncle and £100 each from the cousins.

I would return the champagne flutes OP.

It has nothing to do with how much the wedding cost, and everything to do with what you can afford and how close you are.

I would think anything from 50-200 would be reasonable from 4 of you. I have quite a wealthy aunt who would probably give me 500 tbf, and then I have an aunt and uncle on benefits who I would be more than happy just to see them....but then I wouldn't ask for cash personally although I know its common now.
I think the champagne flutes are a lovely idea, especially if they are particularly nice ones.

For evening function invites I tend to ignore the wedding list or requests for cash and just give a bottle of good champagne.

I'm gong to stick my neck out further and expect to get bbqued.

Long ago wedding gifts were there to help a young, impecunious couple set up home. Now that couples are more affluent and co-habit, or at least have their own homes, furniture and equipment, actual wedding gifts are pretty redundant - I get that. Times change.

But where does that leave the tradition of wedding gifts? I don't agree that just because weddings can now be massive operations, on a scale unimaginable 50 years ago, guests should somehow be expected to stump up to help pay for them which is sometimes the attitude on these threads. There's no relationship at all between the cost of the wedding and the expectation of a gift - it's a totally individual choice made by the guest. Yes, the couple have a right to specify cash (to avoid unwanted gifts, which is sensible) but no-one has to feel pressured to 'pay' for their plate or any other aspect of the wedding.

So there.

At the very least £300 but £400 would be more appropriate.

I'd normally give £50pp as a full day guest and more if a relative. You are 4 adults going to a relatives wedding- so I'd give £250-£300 in total.

Return the champagne flutes too. Giving them 2 IMO is ridiculous. Either give a set of at least 6 or none at all.

£100

I'm Irish and married an Englishman. I must say that there was a significant difference between each side.

I think £50pp would be very kind IF you can afford it. If you can’t, then just give whatever you can.

If they don’t like the amount then they shouldn’t ask for cash gifts 🤷🏻‍♀️

I really don't understand this attitude.

If you're so insulted by a request for cash gifts at an occasion where traditionally you would be buying a gift that you give nothing at all in a fit of pique, you clearly think the B&G are CFs (which is your prerogative) so why are you still attending their wedding?

You could decide not to accept their hospitality and send a polite, "Sorry we can't make it, have a lovely day", which would free up a couple of places for them to invite some more friends or give a single guest a plus one.

OP - the Cover Your Plate idea is totally American - don't be bullied, and don't let it be yet another unwelcome import from the US!

The happy couple have chosen the sort/level of wedding they want. It's entirely their responsibility to cover the cost, and nothing whatever to do with their guests who often have considerable expenditure just to attend now that weddings are so long drawn out (you used to be able to leave at tea-time!).

Just give an amount you can afford - it's not an 'admission charge'.

Tough if they're expecting guests to get them out of debt!

I am so blown away by this cover your plate business that I had to google it... I don't understand. I always viewed my wedding - the meal, favours, cake, accommodation, as a gift to attendees. A gift I wanted to share with them because they all mean a lot to me and I wanted them to be able to come and celebrate with us. I didn't think it was a financial arrangement and I wasn't expecting to breakeven. We didn't ask for any gifts and I wasn't bothered if anyone did/didn't get a gift/card/whatever. I don't remember who did and who didn't but I DID write thank you cards at the time. I'm not a monster. In fact I wrote thank you cards to everyone and the first thing I wrote was "thank you for coming"!

I don't believe in all this cost of plate etc etc but I do think the gift should reflect effort. It's stupid to expect a large gift when guests already had to fork out for travel and accommodation (not outfits, unless you have some silly colour rule). Equally, when all you've had to do is walk to the venue and it's 4 grown adults with good jobs a tenner would be insulting IMO.
It's an art not a science.

But more important is thought, which your champagne flutes sorry to say are not. It's the Bayliss and Harding of wedding gifts.

£50 per couple is a good general rule of thumb so it should be £100 for 4 of you. Maybe £70 if the wedding has cost you lots already.

£20 is a fiver per person though. Do you spend that or less on all other gifts?

£40 works out at £10 a head which is what you'd spend on secret Santa, not a wedding. Weddings are special occasions.

I wouldn't give them a gift if they asked for cash.

I'd give £75 for dh and I. If your dc are working (not students) then they should give the same. If they are students then maybe £25 each.

I was going to say £500 and again don't give them the flutes.

£20 in 2000 is about £45 today

Oh this is wild. I was thinking £100 but really what you can afford if less. The couple decide the budget when they pick their wedding, they should pick what they can afford (not saying they didn't, just saying they should). And you pay what you can afford as a gift, considering travel and any other costs involved in attending. I clearly don't believe in covering your plate (never heard of this). If you're poor can you not attend weddings or if you're having a wedding, should you not invite poor people?

Disability benefit isn't means tested ? So you could be a lot better off than your post reads at first glance

We're on disability benefits, rarely go to weddings, but at least cover cost of plate, so £75pp usually if they ask for cash.

Not on MN, land of if you can't afford a big wedding gift it's better you just stay home and save everyone the awkwardness

I'm a guest at a friend's wedding in November. A big wedding, an hour plus away. I'm staying overnight, new outfit, hair, makeup etc. drinks will be expensive at the venue.

I'll give whatever I can afford at the time for a gift.

If this supposed rule means I'm covering the monetary cost of having me as a wedding guest, does that mean I get to take off the monetary cost to me of attending a wedding? I suspect they'd end up having to pay me.

200-300. Agree on the champagne flutes, and if you are going to buy them at least get them a proper set. Who wants 2 of anything?

I haven't been to a wedding for years (I'm at an age where most friends are getting divorced!) and I'm quite shocked at some of these figures. If you can easily afford it fair enough but some people just can't! I went to several weddings as an impoverished student and then as a young trainee crippled by a first time mortgage and I gave what I could afford. It didn't occur to me that I shouldn't go at all if I didn't have a spare £100!

When we got married 23 years ago some people gave us cash or vouchers- not huge amounts though (more like £20 per person) and stuff like photo frames, champagne, towel sets. Some people gave nothing as they were skint. We were fine with all that as we budgeted for the day and just wanted everyone there to celebrate with us.

If I get invited to any more weddings I'll think carefully about a sufficiently generous gift and also whether I really want to go or not!