Wedding etiquette

I personally consider wedding gifts a “nice to have” but not a must. Your presence is so much more important than a cash gift.
and I am saying this as somebody who is currently planning a wedding!

and I would never anyone to spend more on our wedding than what they could comfortably afford.

btw: I do agree re: champagne flûtes. I wouldn’t gift those… and whilst I would appreciate the fact, that you thought of me? We already have more than enough glasses…

I like champagne and would appreciate the flutes but the vast majority of brides/grooms wouldn’t. Perhaps return them and add the £20 to whatever sum you decide to give. FWIW I’d give £125 - £150 in this scenario.

I’m assuming your DCs are students who are not bringing partners, so I wouldn’t expect anything towards it from them. If they’re working/independent they should get their own thing sorted and I’d give £75 from DP and me.

The cover your plate thing is crass.

I am amazed at the amount of cash people are suggesting!!!!
Christ on a bike. If they have not asked for anything on a guest list they are not expecting people to crowd fund and pay for their wedding.

The champagne flutes are a waste of money so I'd return those as they'll get given those from other people as well.

I'd give between £100 - £200 as a joint cash gift from all of you.

@Nevermind31 , so in your country you do the "cover the plate" thing? So how do you calculate this, or do you give a standard amount?

I am not British (or Irish). In my Western European home country we don’t consider it vulgar to give cash, and would usually give 100 Euro per person (more if you are close) to cover your plate. What we do consider really vulgar though is to make guests pay for their own drinks…
For a British wedding it would depend on how expensive the hotel is that I am supposed to stay in, do I have to pay for my own drinks… usually I would give between £50 and £100 per person.
And definitely no champagne flutes, especially if a set of 2 (rather than 6 or 8), or from sale (I.e. usually cannot buy more to make a set).

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

I agree, crazy, plus people need to pay for hotels, taxis, outfits for the theme and other demands ... luckily in England there's no such etiquette, you pay what you feel is right for you

So, this "cover your plate" shazzam, if B&G A decide to have an intimate civil service with a small amount of guests followed by dinner and dancing in the private area of a restaurant, guests should cover whatever their spot cost.

And if B&G B hire exclusive use of a private home, release baby doves, have the local Michelin Stat restaurant provide the catering and hire Robbie Williams for the first dance, guests should cover whatever their spot cost?

Mental.

For a nephew (depending on how close) £100-200 and the flutes.

I think that's nice, @Hungryhippopotamus , that you can look at gifts and remember the givers, especially if they're no longer with us. It's more personal than cash in that way.

I don't mind giving money, if not requested with a yucky poem. I prefer to give vouchers so that the couple can buy something specific. However, I still use and look at some of our wedding presents from 25 years ago and am fondly reminded of the giver - some of whom are no longer with us. And, no, we did not really need 'stuff' as we were merging two household but we were given nicer things - dinner service items and glassware etc. Which have all been used a lot. I wouldn't have minded champagne flutes either!

£100, the flutes and a bottle of champagne. Honestly it's meant to be a gift not a need to remortgage! People shouldn't hold weddings expecting gifts

Where did I say I pre-empt people for money?

You didn’t quote me, you lied. Shame on you.

£100 to £200 depending on DC ages and your circumstances
I always allow £50 per person for all day and £25 per person for evening only

Some of these responses are insane! You give only what you can afford to give. Don’t be seduced by so called ‘etiquette’.

I don't know how the UK works but as a rule of thumb 200 per couple. 100/150 single person here in Ireland but we do go a little mad. 🤣

It's so tricky, isn't it, when people ask for cash. It's because couples already have everything nowadays. Weddings used to be about a young couple starting out with nothing, which was what the gift giving was about.
I agree with pp about not giving the champagne flutes, though.

I didn't twist your words, you wrote expected and I quoted you.

I would give £50 per adult but only if I could afford it. If not I would give way less.

@HidingMyGratitude - your wedding cost £30k? Blimey - was that including or excluding the hotel bill?

Honestly min £25 per person and up from there depending on wealth

I've never been more grateful that we don't get invited to weddings these days.

Nice attempt to twist my words. As I mentioned in my post, in our family people only give cash gifts, not goods or vouchers. So based on other weddings, we know the norm is £50 from friends and £100 from close relatives.

That doesn’t mean I pre-empt people for money. Do you really think I would have paid people’s transportation and hotel accommodation costs if I cared about gifts? Do you really think £50 covers people’s food, let alone their transportation and accommodation?

Some if the answers on here are insane.
Give whatever you can afford.
I would be horrified if someone gave more than they could afford because they felt it was expected! Especially if they went without something else to keep up with the Joneses!
As for cover your plate if the couple can afford a big fancy wedding that's fine but no one should be expecting the guests to fund it

I think it depends on what you can afford?

In our circle, close friends give £150 per couple. (Early 30s, mainly all professionals, all 1st marriages).

However, some of my family are less well off, so when I get married I don't expect anything like that, I'll just be grateful they're there.

I'd say £200 as a family of 4 (If that suits your budget) and be done with it.