Make up

Are you also sceptical when women say they prefer their husbands without makeup? Because it’s exactly the same.

It's not "exactly" the same, because we have all sorts of cultural beauty norms and men wearing makeup don't tend to fit them. I would find my dh less attractive if he wore make up.

Are you also sceptical when women say they prefer their husbands without makeup? Because it’s exactly the same.

My DP likes my face, finds it attractive, and prefers it when my face looks like my face. Why do you find that such a radical idea? I would find it strange to be with someone who didn’t like my face. He also doesn’t like the feel of makeup and will avoid kissing me and touching my face if I’m wearing it.

(And no, he’s not drooling over heavily made up models on insta/OF. He doesn’t even use social media.)

I haven’t worn makeup properly since I was 25 (now 49). I know when I stopped and it was actually something my husband said to me when we first started dating. He said he loved the fact that I wasn’t always caked in makeup. I met him at work and I didn’t tend to wear much makeup as I was too rushed in a morning and it was all worn off by the end of the day anyway. I might stick some lipstick on occasionally. Maybe some
blusher if I’m looking washed out but that’s it.
I don’t get the false lashes, fish lips, and highlighter craze at all. I also don’t understand why ‘looking your best’ means not looking like yourself and looking much younger than you are. I’m often told I don’t look my age but that’s not my aim in life. And to the OP I would say, what does your husband to to look his best for you? What effort is he going to for you? I can’t help but think you sound a little scared that I’d you don’t look like you did all those years ago he won’t want you any more and that makes me sad and also grateful to my husband of 21 years who has never made me feel that way.

@fruitstick apologies if that wasn't your intention. I think it just gets my back up as it is a general theme that women who do like make up/nail varnish etc are incapable of broader thought. I think I said further up thread that I've had to have words with make teachers who have said to girls I taught that "clever girls" shouldn't care about mascara.

I find the language that has been thrown at those of us that do choose to wear make up often insulting. That said, I can see that the OPs own turn of phrase has led to a bit of tit for tat.

I wasn't implying it was an either/or situation at all.

I'm pointing out that these expectations (and threads) are only ever around looks and not other ways to spend our time.

For the last time, it doesn't have to make up OR clever/interesting/engaging conversation.

I realise OP put people's backs up by implying that they weren't looking their best without make up but that's no reason to imply that those with make up aren't intellectually their best either.

That's actually a very good point. A couple of weeks ago someone started a thread asking why so many people don't use the English language properly and was called judgey/snobby etc

@cardibach Do men in your role wear it so they can present ‘a good, polished look’?
Or are they considered professional without it?
The only job in which your answer would be ‘yes’ is something involving tv or performing, which is rather different from a ‘normal’ life or job. People in those jobs actually need make up because of the lights. Most of us don’t have to contend with the flattening effects of strong lighting (or if we occasionally do, it doesn’t matter).
So. Tv/stage so irrelevant Leila, or do men manage your role without make up?

Well I imagine the men in her role do other regular grooming that the poster doesn't have to do - daily shaving, month haircuts etc, so it is swings and roundabouts. There are also typical professional standards for men.

Jesus, my husband is lucky if I wear more than joggers and a t shirt when we’re at home let alone make up. He married me knowing what I look like 😂 if he was not attracted to me because I wasn’t wearing make up he could get in the bin

The thing is most men don't actually want to say to their wives, yeah you look better with make up even if it's true. Mine says I look better with make up...he's right. I do look better with it. If I didn't, I wouldn't wear it would I??

It also annoys me that this only ever applies to looks and not anything else. People are allowed to be judgey about effort in this but not other stuff.

I read a lot. So would rather spend that 10 minutes with my book than in front of a mirror.

However, I don't come on here shouting 'why don't people read every day? Don't they want to be more interesting? Don't they want to be well-read for their partners so they don't get bored by their conversation? I'm baffled that people don't care about improving their mind'

... wanders off to start thread.

No, can’t be bothered.

No, mate, that’s human. I hate my bloke with a beard and don’t want to kiss him if he’s got one. So he shaves every day.

I'm interested to know if all the posters who think all women look better with makeup also think all men would look better with makeup?

FWIW I actually do think most women look better with some makeup but I acknowledge that's a result of societal conditioning.

Someone’s looks, yes.

Not liking them as much when they don’t change their appearance…that’s shallow, once you know the person.

Bit of a reach. But yes, we were talking about what men find more physically attractive. Men who say they prefer the no make up look probably are lying or they have no idea that what they think is a no make up look, is actually just natural looking make up. The truth is that being completely bare faced is not actually seen as attractive by most men unless you are model beautiful. That's not to say men don't love their wives and girlfriends if they don't wear make up.

I find it baffling that you place so much importance on how you look "at all times". There's also the problem that if you do look your best at all times, people think you make no effort when you go out, because that's just how you look...

You think they are all so shallow that looks are something that bothers them,

No, you think that. I don’t think it’s particularly shallow to find someone’s looks appealing. That’s being human.

You said the problem was you looked rubbish because you were pale. If your makeup is the same colour then your explanation makes no sense. The blusher is changing your colour - stop using it and people would stop noticing.
I mean - wear it if you genuinely enjoy it, but it doesn’t sound like you do.

It is though. You think they are all so shallow that looks are something that bothers them, and that they are all so misogynistic that they expect women to change their appearance while they don’t do it themselves.

I can't be arsed everyday.

I don't like how I look with lots of makeup. I think I look like a man in drag.

If I go out I'll wear foundation, mascara, eyeliner and lipstick but have never got to grips with contouring, blusher or fancy eyeshadow. But around the house? Shopping? School run? No thank you.

My skin has always been good so have never had to worry about spots etc.

Each to their own I suppose but I don't see why you think that not wearing make up is not 'looking your best'

I have my hair cut and coloured regularly, and gel on my nails so they look 'groomed'. I try to keep my eyebrows under control.

I'm happy with how I am thank you very much.

Also, I don’t want to devote the whole of my married life in trying to attract my husband. My married life is my WHOLE life so I mainly want to spend it just living my life on my own terms for me. If I want to attract my husband, that’s a side hustle. I don’t want to think about it constantly.

Why is this important to you? Bully for you if sex is at the forefront of your mind the whole time but why do you need it to be like that for everyone else as well?

Since you ask, I don’t wear make up because:

1. it is a hassle to put it on
2. it is uncomfortable to wear. In particular I have to make sure I don’t let anything touch my face, otherwise I smear the make up or make the thing touching it dirty. This is very unrelaxing.
3. I am very happy with how I look without it.
4. the main reason I would ever wear make up would be to signify that I had made an effort - the same reason why I might wear a dress or high heels for a special occasion (reluctantly - also very uncomfortable).
5. I’m not into make up. I might as well ask you why you don’t wear the same style clothes as me.

I also think there are some men who do envy women to use make up to help them feel more confident - especially during puberty. When I was a teacher, a few boys said as much to me about how they wished they could use concealer without judgment! It's not like all men are just confident with their faces and women aren't.

I wish it was just okay either way for either sex. Great if you want to, great if you don't. It's a pity that, on both sides of this debate, it has turned to people feeling attacked for their choices.

It matches my skin colour so I don’t change my skin colour with foundation, I cover up the scars I have on my face. I add blusher so I don’t look unwell. people I’ve never met before ask me if I’m alright when I don’t wear blusher. I am the palest person ever.