Make up

I focus more on a healthy lifestyle for the benefit of my partner - that really makes a difference to how l look. (Especially lack of sleep!) It's also something we both admire in each other and encourage each other to do. I like to wear eyeliner and mascara sometimes but that's as far as it goes....

I kind of see foundation etc. like sparkly Christmas tights - you just wouldn't have them on for a Tuesday afternoon. And it's only my opinion so I never say to anyone's face but I usually find less make up looks prettier.

Can we stop suggesting that those of us who do wear make up have husbands that don't love the "real us" or that make up wearing makes their love conditional, please?

Like I said arguing for the sake of it.

Oh God, I didn't realise that you mistakenly wrote the word 'pallid' when what you meant was 'silver'! Bet those huge, solid black eyes and massive forehead really turn heads though! 😂

My problem is I'm a 90s indie kid. The whole point was that as looked like we had made zero effort but just naturally looked cool and beautiful.

Unless it was black eyeliner, that was allowed.

I blame Winona Ryder.

I just don't think 'made up' faces look attractive.

I'm not criticising people who do, but that's my reason for not being that bothered.

Maybe it's because they don't place as great a premium on physical appearance as you do? I don't wear makeup all the time because a) it's bad for the skin, b) it's a waste of time and headspace for something that doesn't matter to me, c) DH and I have been best friends and lovers for 26 years and absolutely nothing depends on whether or not I am wearing pigmented grease on my lips; we like each other's faces as they are, d) even if he did prefer it, I don't owe him any obligation to "look my best" all the time, as I am his wife, not a doll or a wall poster.

You should honestly try loving yourself a bit more.

I fucking adore myself - especially when I’ve put my eyebrows on and don’t look like an alien.

Lol no, I genuinely do think I look fine, and I am certainly not unattractive.

I just don't buy that we all need to wear makeup to somehow make up for imagined deficiencies in our faces that aren't really there.

If YOU want to wear makeup regularly then that's cool. But don't imply that all women who look a bit like you are ugly just because you can't see the beauty in yourself.

You should honestly try loving yourself a bit more. Your skin is not flawed. It's perfect.

I think I look my best without makeup, because the only makeup I can do is 2000s era emo. Probably best that I don't wear that to the office (the blue hair is already pushing my luck)

I look good with no eyebrows and pallid skin.

You don’t. You’re deluding yourself or arguing for the sake of it.

You said:
"Nobody looks good with no eyebrows and pallid skin."

I look good with no eyebrows and pallid skin. It's just the way my body was built and it's great.

I didn’t. I said I do. Zero generalisation. And nothing to do with you, unless you too are sans eyebrows.

See, I just can't bring myself to see natural skin tone as bad, or natural brows or eyelashes somehow being better after being changed.

In that way I don't see it as an enhancement, I see it as a deliberate act of making yourself look different.

Not better or enhanced, just different.

An enhancement suggests that you gain some kind of special ability by doing it, which I'm not sure you do by changing your brows or eyelashes.

@ettieb Does your DP wear make-up for you? Shouldn't he be making himself look younger and better with a bit of concealer and mascara?

Sometimes I do, mostly I don't. Certainly not if I'm just at home with no visitors. Probably not if just popping out, going for a walk, going to a friend's house for an impromptu cuppa. Maybe for work. Usually if going out in the evening.

I just don't care that much about looking different in the way that make-up makes you look different. I don't think it is necessarily better.

I don't see make up as a mask. It covers my bad bits ... uneven skin tone...and enhances other things like eyelashes and brows. It's an enhancement not a mask

I don't wear make-up daily. If I'm going somewhere special I will, and the person/people I'm meeting, know I've made an effort for them. It's my way of saying they are deserving of my energy and my time.

Thanks for saying us pale women look ill. Lovely generalisation. 😍

My wife married (civilly- partnered!) me, not a load of old face paint. If you want to wear make-up then go right ahead, but I'd ask yourself why you think your husband would rather see you with a mask on.

Makeup for the most part does not make people look healthier.

Depends on the person. My mum thought I look ill without it. She was absolutely right. Nobody looks good with no eyebrows and pallid skin.

Thanks for your passive aggressive faux concern for my 'experience of men'. I'm all good. It's really quite obvious what most men find physically attractive...you can see it all around us.

@Comedycook I’m sorry to hear your experience of men has led you to this conclusion.

Makeup for the most part does not make people look healthier. You could argue that it covers up blemishes on skin but it’s always visible when people do that, it doesn’t erase them.

In which case it’s hardly surprising that many men don’t think their wives look better in makeup

I don't think many men think their wives look better without make up. Most will think their wives look better with it. That's not to say they think they're unattractive makeup free...but they will think they look better with it. It's an uncomfortable fact but it's true.

As for beauty standards and how our culture and society influences them, well you could probably write a PhD on it.

There are general beauty standards which are universal and are linked to health and therefore our supposed ability to produce healthy offspring. So clear skin, healthy hair, bright eyes, a healthy weight etc.

So you accept that makeup doesn’t make people look objectively better and it’s more down to social conditioning then? In which case it’s hardly surprising that many men don’t think their wives look better in makeup.

Why wouldn't you want to look the best you can all the time?

Because not everyone thinks looks are important.

I wear makeup most days. I like the way I look with makeup on and, for the most part, I quite enjoy putting it in on. However, I don't feel the need to 'look the best I can all the time'. If I really wanted to 'look the best I can all the time' I would do a full face of makeup every day, touch it up every couple of hours, and wear a dress, heels and shapewear every day. But I don't because a) style is about what's appropriate for the occasion and b) there are things that are more important to me than looking perfect every day. Sometimes I want to give my skin a rest. Sometimes I'm going for a run or digging the garden over or chilling out in the garden with a cold drink and a book.

Saying that it's weird to wear a full face of makeup at work but not for relaxing at home with your partner is a bit like saying it's weird for your partner to wear a suit and tie to the office, but not for having breakfast at home on a Sunday morning.