Blazing row with SIL tonight!

@User10932 any updates?

Maybe you should have waited until a time the children were not around before you confronted her.

I hope your first few days at school have gone well @User10932 & you love your new class 🙂
I hope having slept on it and sobered up, DH can see that it’s unfair for him to expect you to ever have her back in your life ever again!!! I would never speak to someone who called me a psycho ever again, let alone all the other vile things she said!…. She’s lucky all she had thrown in her face was water!
I can’t believe did ALL THAT to you in front of your children!
god I’m actually angry for you!

Well I’d be calling police if I was getting threatening messages and telling DH she is NEVER welcome again

kazlau · Today 09:33

Why is at @PostMasting still able to be on this thread?

Kazlau - that was my first (and only) post on this thread. I stand by telling an adult that she needs to also take responsibility for her actions including alcohol use and poor family interactions. People ask for advice on a public forum - then want a pat on the back for their actions in front of their children.

This behaviour (on all sides) does not lead to happy successful lives - it leads to misery and dysfunction, arguments and unhappiness. But if you think its a "poor you, be a victim situation" present that view point - and live with your conscience.

It’s easy to blame alcohol, yet the grown ups didn’t seem to remove themselves or the precious children from the volatile situation.
I’d certainly not be in her company or his family ever again.

Importantly it’s unsafe to have the children have this influence. They’d be no where near this relative.

Husband seems weak and must have been giving the family negative fuel. Not a safe environment for anyone involved.
Perhaps counselling may help you. It’s the start of new academic year and it’s now decision time for you!!! Perhaps your home could be an alcohol free zone!

Why is at @PostMasting still able to be on this thread?

To be honest, none of this reflects well on anyone involved including you. You have all behaved disgracefully. You have a discussion that causes you mother to leave and you then disappear in a huff for 40 minutes and then get grumpy at your husband for not checking on you?

You ended up "repeatedly" telling your sister in law to stop disrespecting you. Which is hardly going to end well, as it didn't.

You need to just stay away from these people, and everyone needs to stay away from alcohol. I'm sorry for your husband and your children who were in the middle of this mess.

I think you have to take into consideration that these are your husbands family. He's grown up with them & this behaviour is something he's only ever known so whilst it seems he's downplaying it to some here, he's not. To him it's just 'normal'.

I'm sure he doesn't like it either but, it's difficult for him to separate his family from the behaviour - so tread carefully, choose your words carefully. Don't give ultimatums but do say that you won't allow his family to be around your children when there's alcohol consumed (that includes turning up drunk to a party where no alcohol is served).

As for hubby not going to find you, from my experience, if he's left hosting then he's probably not realised you were gone that long & as stated, thought you wanted time alone and he was best spent keepingbl an eye on drunk relatives around the children.

It seems like there's a lot of therapy needed! And some cold hard conversations about abusing/self medicating with alcohol.

As for your children, they will take their lead from you and hubby. Don't make excuses for inlaws - talk about what alcohol does and nor dealing with your feeling and how to safely express feelings.

You can actually type the word cunt on a thread. 🙄

Why would you have to do damage control, you did nothing wrong, your SIL is the one that needs to do the damage control.

From now onwards there's no way I'd have anything to do with her, and that includes her being in the house. Your dh is welcome to maintain the relationship, just not in your home, if he wants to see her then he can go and visit her or his mother with her there.

Not unreasonable, she's crossed a line and what you overheard is her real opinion of you. Your DH can have a relationship with her - you don't have to. I don't see my DH siblings for years at a time and our marriage is no worse off for that. It would cause issue if he forced me to spend time with them, I will be nice if we have to be at same event but regular contact would never work, I don't like them

What a weird incident.
YANBU of course BUT why would you invite your alcoholic abusive mum over plus your volatile when drunk SIL for a social event with alcohol? It seems like a recipe for disaster. YWBU to have a row in front of SIL about something that should have been anticipated (your mum upsetting you) and could have been avoided (by not inviting your mum over)
Obviously her response was vile and you shouldn't have to ever see her again if you don't want to - no excuses for that behaviour - but is this really the first time she's behaved like this? Could her behaviour have been anticipated when you add alcohol into the mix? Going forward it's best to avoid potentially explosive social situations with relatives who are volatile and unkind.

@HarrietPoole
Cu next Tuesday. Just something we say to avoid DC ears.

How awful for you and for your children. There would be no going back for me and I hope your husband comes to his senses and agrees. This is your opportunity to show your children how you deal with being treated like this and teach them to never put up with it either.

And yes your DH is also at fault for not shutting her down when she started saying stuff about you. U need to raise that with him calmly and ask him.

Gosh OP sounds awful. You did the right thing re getting kids away and calm, just reassure them, how horrid for them to witness that. And as for SIL - in no uncertain terms let DH know she's crossed a line and this will not be happily family material going forward. At some point if she apologies and grovells you may tolerate her seeing kids whilst your supervising so she doesn't bad mouth you to them etc but for now and maybe months ahead she can piss off.

I'm in with others mentioning how odd your DH behaviours/reactions to SIL have been.

I might be wrong but my feeling is as well that he has been saying things about you behind your back for her to feel so entitled to criticise you in your own home.

I hadn't read the thread fully. I have to second; why was she so comfortable with that level trash talking in your own home with your dh? And marriage is work. I see alot of mn posts that result in comments encouraging running for the door kids in tow. Unless dealbreakers come into play (infidelity and domestic abuse IMO), marriage is a journey and we evolve, grow, learn etc we have to exhaust all efforts before parting ways. You and your husband to touch base and get on the same page for sure, one that doesn't put you out. Best wishes. It's not the hardest thing to do when two people love and care for each other and their family that they've built.

You seem like a nice person OP, and your SIL sounds like a raging unhappy resentful tearaway who wouldn't and shouldn't be enabled. Your home is your safe space and boundaries come without apologies. This will be a learning curve for your husband. Tread gently but firmly on keeping that bitc out your home! You don't open the door to the devil. Some scenarios cannot be recovered from and teach us who not to have around. This is one staring you and your husband in the face. My husband had to learn that happy families hell or high water, is reserved for TV series, not real life. He had to go on his own journey of acceptance that his sisters are raging jealous bitces, and his mother is a miserable cunning ringleader. Sounds like you have a healthy marriage, and the tides have changed. Your scenario is one I'm sure you and your husband will grow from and through together.

Like I said, stand firm but gently, because this is the point at which your husband's emotions and opinions will be challenged against his own. He sounds like a good man for getting rid of witch. You guys will be fine, and while you're upset about your kids seeing it all, don't lose sleep over it. Kids are resilient, and they also have to learn that just because someone is related, doesn't mean they belong in your life.

What kind of language is that?

You don’t have to see or hear her ever again op and ignore anyone who tries to tell you otherwise including your husband

I'm so very sorry to read this.

Personally I wouldn't be able to have her anywhere near my children ever again, I'd go no contact.

That is vile behaviour, I would cut her off and if your husband thinks it’s ok if she just apologises then he’s living in cloud cuckoo land. My husband would have kicked her out and cut her off too. How dare she speak to you like that and scare the children.

What's a Tuesday girl?