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Original poster

ADHD in women

165 replies

Sporkle99 · 04/09/2023 00:18

I am convinced I have adhd. So is a close family member who is a GP of 35+ years and my manager who I'm fairly close with, and who used to work in a children with disabilities team (I know, adhd isn't always considered a disability by those who have it, it's more for context to show she's experienced).

Reasons I think I have it:

  • I can't focus unless on boring tasks. I'm intelligent but really struggle to get anything done most days. I have to wait until I have a deadline tomorrow then I force myself to finish whatever it was.
  • I am disorganised. I cannot keep my house clean. I never know where anything is. I lose my keys every day. I lose everything. I'm a jumbled mess.
  • I can't listen. I zone out in meetings. It's painful. I can be talking to someone face to face but just cannot, cannot listen and take in what they are saying.
  • I am so, so forgetful. I forget everything. Appointments. Responding to messages. Posting things. I forget everything. I tell myself to write it down when I get home, then forget to even do that.
  • I'm shit with money, and ashamed of the fact.
  • Im basically a useless mess whose mind is running on a motor but not in the way I want it to.

These are just a few things but I don't know what to do. I cannot afford a private assessment. I don't know if I can deal with the wait for an assessment. I need steering in the right direction, and help in doing so.

Can anyone advise or relate?

OP posts:
CalmDownBoris72 · 04/09/2023 22:52

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 19:25

Some studies have found a 40% increase in stroke/heart attack risk in first month of middle aged adults taking stimulant meds like Ritalin, Adderall, etc.

Do you have references for these?

CalmDownBoris72 · 04/09/2023 22:51

User98866 · 04/09/2023 20:21

I’m sorry but it seems we are at the point where every disorganised messy person seems to think they need a diagnosis of a disability. I have all the same things (I have a key place yet I literally loose my keys every time I put them down) and I don’t think I have adhd. I’m just a very disorganised messy person. I think trauma, and dealing with many aspects of modern life (Internet use/stress/diet can all present in ways that are being misdiagnosed as adhd. Also a lot of people are this way, it’s not abnormal. I’ve no doubt it’s being driven by pharma in the same way the ‘psychic stress’ was made up to prescribe people drugs. It will be the next big scandal. A whole generation hooked on amphetamines. In some areas of the US as many as 20% of children have adhd diagnosis. There is absolutely no way that is accurate and it’s being driven by for profit health care. I realise this will be an incredibly unpopular opinion on here.

Absolute ableist bullshit

fuckssaaaaake · 04/09/2023 22:32

User98866 · 04/09/2023 20:21

I’m sorry but it seems we are at the point where every disorganised messy person seems to think they need a diagnosis of a disability. I have all the same things (I have a key place yet I literally loose my keys every time I put them down) and I don’t think I have adhd. I’m just a very disorganised messy person. I think trauma, and dealing with many aspects of modern life (Internet use/stress/diet can all present in ways that are being misdiagnosed as adhd. Also a lot of people are this way, it’s not abnormal. I’ve no doubt it’s being driven by pharma in the same way the ‘psychic stress’ was made up to prescribe people drugs. It will be the next big scandal. A whole generation hooked on amphetamines. In some areas of the US as many as 20% of children have adhd diagnosis. There is absolutely no way that is accurate and it’s being driven by for profit health care. I realise this will be an incredibly unpopular opinion on here.

It's not just about losing keys 😌

MistyTrains2 · 04/09/2023 22:19

@Inmybirthdaysuit Or it could be that in the 90s it wasn't really recognised that women have ADHD as they present differently (social conditioning) so they learned to mask and run on cortisol to get stuff done. Then in late 30s with perimenopause, plus often with small children/lack of sleep, that no longer is sustainable so they reach burnout point and overwhelm where they need a new set of strategies and support.

fuckssaaaaake · 04/09/2023 22:05

Oh my god, this is so me and I feel like I KNOW I have it. It didn't bother me for years but now I have a business and it's affecting me a lot. I feel like I want to do something about it but also am embarrassed to be "jumping on the bandwagon" so to speak so don't think I ever will, but I wonder if I be be cured and be a much better version of myself. Sorry to jump in there with no advice just solidarity

LollipopChaos · 04/09/2023 21:04

Am certain I have ADHD and Autism although I mask extremely well. But certain things in life I just can't do.

User98866 · 04/09/2023 20:21

I’m sorry but it seems we are at the point where every disorganised messy person seems to think they need a diagnosis of a disability. I have all the same things (I have a key place yet I literally loose my keys every time I put them down) and I don’t think I have adhd. I’m just a very disorganised messy person. I think trauma, and dealing with many aspects of modern life (Internet use/stress/diet can all present in ways that are being misdiagnosed as adhd. Also a lot of people are this way, it’s not abnormal. I’ve no doubt it’s being driven by pharma in the same way the ‘psychic stress’ was made up to prescribe people drugs. It will be the next big scandal. A whole generation hooked on amphetamines. In some areas of the US as many as 20% of children have adhd diagnosis. There is absolutely no way that is accurate and it’s being driven by for profit health care. I realise this will be an incredibly unpopular opinion on here.

Redlarge · 04/09/2023 20:10

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 04/09/2023 20:02

Yes. I’ve had an ECG to check all is okay before considering meds.

The doctors send you out a heart monitor and you can log onto the the portal which is checked by nurses to input your readings.

Redlarge · 04/09/2023 20:09

Nonplusultra · 04/09/2023 16:13

@EmmaEmerald try speeding up podcasts and videos and/or chewing gum or doing something mindless or going for a run. It helps concentration if you have distractions running on a couple of modalities.

Yes! A podcast helps me to clean
If i know its 30 mins long i will clean for 30 mins and if its not all done its not but at least i did 30 mins rather than freezing

Redlarge · 04/09/2023 20:07

SpidersAreShitheads · 04/09/2023 19:39

No, it's not. But ADHD does commonly include all of the things that the OP has mentioned - and there are lots of us on this thread who are also diagnosed with ADHD who struggle with these same things.

You don't have these difficulties. Great. But lots of us do, and they are widely acknowledged as being a typical presentation of ADHD.

Dismissing it as depression just because your ADHD presents differently isn't that helpful.

I'm also surprised that you're diagnosed as having ADHD without struggling with disorganisation, forgetfulness and having a mind "running on a motor". They're pretty much the cornerstones of ADHD diagnosis, regardless of the type.

Saying that cleaning a house "isn't rocket science" is pretty rude actually to those of us who really struggle to start or finish tasks. Again, these are a common difficulty with ADHD.

Show quote history

She is rude. If its 'no shit sherlock' then why did you post what you did. You are now implying that you actually knew there are different types now... and obviously, that comes with an understanding of the most textbook behaviours.
Im not sure it comes with a lack of empathy though 😕

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 04/09/2023 20:03

They’re still stimulants, they just work cumulatively rather than individually. The efficacy is the same.

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 04/09/2023 20:02

Yes. I’ve had an ECG to check all is okay before considering meds.

SpidersAreShitheads · 04/09/2023 19:39

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 19:28

No shit, Sherlock.

However, ADHD isn't just a euphemism for not having your shit together.

Show quote history

No, it's not. But ADHD does commonly include all of the things that the OP has mentioned - and there are lots of us on this thread who are also diagnosed with ADHD who struggle with these same things.

You don't have these difficulties. Great. But lots of us do, and they are widely acknowledged as being a typical presentation of ADHD.

Dismissing it as depression just because your ADHD presents differently isn't that helpful.

I'm also surprised that you're diagnosed as having ADHD without struggling with disorganisation, forgetfulness and having a mind "running on a motor". They're pretty much the cornerstones of ADHD diagnosis, regardless of the type.

Saying that cleaning a house "isn't rocket science" is pretty rude actually to those of us who really struggle to start or finish tasks. Again, these are a common difficulty with ADHD.

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 19:28

Redlarge · 04/09/2023 19:17

No there are different types of adhd.

Show quote history

No shit, Sherlock.

However, ADHD isn't just a euphemism for not having your shit together.

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 19:25

Some studies have found a 40% increase in stroke/heart attack risk in first month of middle aged adults taking stimulant meds like Ritalin, Adderall, etc.

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 19:23

Some are non stimulant nowadays but I believe often not as effective (although maybe that's changed).

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 19:22

If a neurotypical person were to crush and snort a Ritalin pill they'd be high as fuck!

EmmaEmerald · 04/09/2023 19:20

Inmybirthdaysuit "It was being used as a catch all for mainly low achieving unhappy women that were looking for something to explain it all away."

I'd be really interested to know how they are defining "low achieving". My CV is great and I know how to talk myself up but when I look at what I've done in reality, it is a very low achievement compared to my potential.

I'm 47 so I'm devouring all info out there to see if I can make the changes I need in order to achieve more and boost my income.

Interesting that Ritalin is similar to coke or speed. Are the other ADHD meds broadly the same?

Redlarge · 04/09/2023 19:17

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 18:42

I'm diagnosed with ADHD and don't struggle too much with these things.

I'm impulsive, impatient, and struggle to switch off but cleaning a house isn't rocket science. It sounds more like depression to me.

Show quote history

No there are different types of adhd.

Inmybirthdaysuit · 04/09/2023 19:15

But I do think that there's a bit of a tidal wave of middle aged people who are struggling/dissatisfied with their lives who have latched on to the possibility of this diagnosis as a fix all. When in reality they don't have it, they have neurotypical behaviour exacerbated by stress/other health conditions/particular situations/trauma.

I have close relatives working in mental health services that say the same thing. One member of staff was actually moved on for being too trigger happy with his asd/adhd diagnoses. It was being used as a catch all for mainly low achieving unhappy women that were looking for something to explain it all away. They have since tightened up the criteria for assessment to in a bid to stop so many people clogging up the system for those that actually need it.

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 18:52

Fleetheart · 04/09/2023 10:02

My DS has severe ADHD, the reason I say it’s severe is that it really did ruin his school life, and actually our home life as well. He is still a challenge. However the reason I am writing this is to share his experience of medication. He was on ritalin first of all; it made him scared, fearful and paranoid - he was very worried about us being burgled; it also gave him tics. He was then changed onto elvanse. this was better but he became very thin and he suffered big comedowns at the end of each day. These drugs are very powerful, (effectively speed), they are sold on the black market for high prices.
He now blames me for getting him medicated. no longer takes any medication; he was worried about the effect on his heart. He firmly believes that ADHD should not use medication as first line support. I have seen big improvements in him as he has done a much more physical job, also now he has more or less given up alcohol and started eating much better.

I say all this not because ADHD isn’t a problem; but assessment and medication don’t necessarily help- it’s the holistic work that does.

I had tics for a while and never considered it might be the Ritalin. Ultimately, I feel better without it. It made me feel 'wired' in a very similar way to the few times I've had a line of coke. Not really surprising as chemically they're very similar.

Weight training works much better for me. It kills the nervous energy and has given me a great figure. Can deadlift 140kg nowadays and I don't look like Ms Trunchbull lol.

ReginaRegina · 04/09/2023 18:42

Sporkle99 · 04/09/2023 00:18

I am convinced I have adhd. So is a close family member who is a GP of 35+ years and my manager who I'm fairly close with, and who used to work in a children with disabilities team (I know, adhd isn't always considered a disability by those who have it, it's more for context to show she's experienced).

Reasons I think I have it:

  • I can't focus unless on boring tasks. I'm intelligent but really struggle to get anything done most days. I have to wait until I have a deadline tomorrow then I force myself to finish whatever it was.
  • I am disorganised. I cannot keep my house clean. I never know where anything is. I lose my keys every day. I lose everything. I'm a jumbled mess.
  • I can't listen. I zone out in meetings. It's painful. I can be talking to someone face to face but just cannot, cannot listen and take in what they are saying.
  • I am so, so forgetful. I forget everything. Appointments. Responding to messages. Posting things. I forget everything. I tell myself to write it down when I get home, then forget to even do that.
  • I'm shit with money, and ashamed of the fact.
  • Im basically a useless mess whose mind is running on a motor but not in the way I want it to.

These are just a few things but I don't know what to do. I cannot afford a private assessment. I don't know if I can deal with the wait for an assessment. I need steering in the right direction, and help in doing so.

Can anyone advise or relate?

I'm diagnosed with ADHD and don't struggle too much with these things.

I'm impulsive, impatient, and struggle to switch off but cleaning a house isn't rocket science. It sounds more like depression to me.

MistyTrains2 · 04/09/2023 18:25

I've left the gym too! It was after not a lot of sleep and I realised it wasn't happening. It's a good thing sometimes to be able to say this is not right for me today.

Idk, sometimes it takes me months to finish something but it gets done eventually...it's just making sure priorities are in the right order, do it in small chunks, try and rely on discipline/habits and if that fails reach out to your community for a motivational pep talk.

OverTheHillAndDownTotherSide · 04/09/2023 18:25

It was me that said that. That’s what the psychiatrist told me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gahhhhereheisagain · 04/09/2023 18:21

@SoggyBottomsUp it does NOT cost the NHS £3 for methylphenidate. It costs £70 a box.