Am I being too overprotective?

ellie09 · 2023-09-03T18:06:07+00:00

Hi all I have a 6 year old DS who is autistic and has ADHD and he's an only child. He has always struggled socially despite trying to get him to mix etc. He goes to mainstream school. He has some health and safety issues as he can't cross roads on his own, packs the concentration for this and has no sense of direction (He's got lost in supermarkets etc just two steps away from me). He also has some pretty intense meltdowns. There are 3 children that live on our street from his school. He's become friendly with the youngest who is the year above him at school, and the other 2 are quite a bit older than him (at least 3 years). They've been asking him out to play. But these are kids that I know wander further than just our street. I've had to keep saying no (with no real way of explaining why to a 7 year old) and my DS keeps wondering why also. I just don't feel comfortable letting him out with kids who venture further and can't look after him the way that and adult can. My fear is he will end up lost, knocked by a car or have a huge melt down and left on his own away from the house. He's easily led, so I couldn't tell him to just stay on the street. I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them AIBU for repetedly saying no, or do I let him outside? The thought of it sends my anxiety wild.

Mumofsend · 04/09/2023 06:37

Your description sounds very similar to my also autistic and adhd 6 year old. Not a chance would he be going.

yikey · 04/09/2023 06:33

The dog situation is madness. Just lock it away when the kids come in. As others have said, I also can't imagine letting a 6 year old out to play unsupervised

Hankunamatata · 03/09/2023 23:00

I used to sit in my front garden or on the doorstep with a book to keep an eye. Dc had agreed points at the top and bottom of the road they are allowed to go to. If friends go past that point dc knew to come home.

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 22:25

StarDolphins · 03/09/2023 21:06

Op said the dog gets a bit excited so wouldn’t want her to jump up. Why on earth would anyone rehome a dog for an odd play date.

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I wouldn't rehome her 😂

She's a dog that has been used to a household with just me and DS. We had originally got her when I was with an ex but he took off one day and left us all. I questioned rehoming her back then as I was wondering how I could cope as a single parent, but the bond that my DS had made with the dog, it would have broken his heart. He calls the dog his "bestest friend" and his "sister".

My DS due to his needs prefers quieter settings also, so we wouldn't have many rounds at the house, maybe just one or two at a time so DS doesn't become overwhelmed. Naturally the dog has become used to this also, so if we have an influx of guests (say more than 3 people) she will get the "zoomies" and in a small house, if its too crowded, accidents can happen (not biting, just people or things getting knocked over!)

I don't like to think I deprive my child or dog of anything. DS socialises outside the home and has a very limited social circle anyhow so most would be fun days out rather than at home play dates. My dog gets daily interaction on walks, in parks and at doggy play parks.

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StarDolphins · 03/09/2023 21:06

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2023 19:14

I don't want to invite other kids into my house as I have a Rottweiler who gets overexcited around visitors and don't want her jumping on any of them and hurting them

I have to add, if this is the case, you either need to get this dog properly trained or re-home her. It's awful that your child can't have friends over because of your dog. Personally, I think having a poorly behaved Rottweiler around any child is absolute madness and a recipe for disaster.

Op said the dog gets a bit excited so wouldn’t want her to jump up. Why on earth would anyone rehome a dog for an odd play date.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/09/2023 20:58

blackbeardsballsack · 03/09/2023 20:45

I don't know a single person who would allow their 6 year old to play outside unsupervised. I am shocked that you are questioning whether you are being overprotective when what you are considering is really quite negligent.

You have options for him to socialise, sort out your dog and then the other kids can come round to play. I would be more concerned about my DC not being able to have friends over to his home for tea than not being able to play outdoors with no adults there.

I guess this is to do with where you live. I don't know a single family who didn't allow their dc to play out at that age.

I can get that if you live in a busy city it might not be the same, but it is absolutely the norm in my rural village.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/09/2023 20:53

Let him out but tell him he's only allowed on your street.

I think it's a bit unreasonable to not want him to play out or to let him have others round to play. I think you should try to do one or the other. Dc build their social skills with practice, so the more he is isolated the more his social skills will struggle.

blackbeardsballsack · 03/09/2023 20:45

I don't know a single person who would allow their 6 year old to play outside unsupervised. I am shocked that you are questioning whether you are being overprotective when what you are considering is really quite negligent.

You have options for him to socialise, sort out your dog and then the other kids can come round to play. I would be more concerned about my DC not being able to have friends over to his home for tea than not being able to play outdoors with no adults there.

whowhatwerewhy · 03/09/2023 20:30

No your not overly protective your being very sensible. I think a play date in the house / park / beach is a good idea .
Im sure as the friendship develops his new friend will become aware your son needs supervision and has different boundaries to him .Kids are very adaptable and I'm sure they will love a trip out .

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 20:22

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 20:16

I hear you! There's kids down my street out from 9am to 9/10pm every night if its dry, and it drives me insane as someone who WFH and tries to get DS down to bed at a reasonable time

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Yeah, it drives me potty sometimes. I work late at night so I need to sleep in. I have to put 10 hour thunderstorm videos on from YouTube just to drown out the screams.

It's lovely for the kids and they're obviously having a brilliant time so that's nice. But they do have fun very loudly!

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 20:16

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 20:13

I'm not giving you my address 😂

But where I live is all a one way area, you get a handful of vehicles pootling along in a day, and there's a massive green area in the middle of the houses. All I've heard all summer is kids screaming from morning until night. I actually look forward to the rain because it gives me a bit of peace for once.

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I hear you! There's kids down my street out from 9am to 9/10pm every night if its dry, and it drives me insane as someone who WFH and tries to get DS down to bed at a reasonable time

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TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 20:13

Sailawaytocromer · 03/09/2023 19:52

@TheGirlFromTomorrow where? Where do small children play out from morning till night? Everyone struggling for childcare in the holidays should move there!

I'm not giving you my address 😂

But where I live is all a one way area, you get a handful of vehicles pootling along in a day, and there's a massive green area in the middle of the houses. All I've heard all summer is kids screaming from morning until night. I actually look forward to the rain because it gives me a bit of peace for once.

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 20:12

No he's 6 years old!

I went home from school on my own from age 9 on the bus but I was far more mature. I think I was playing on the street on my own from around 8, but again, I was very mature for an 8 year old.

I didn't know if I was being the strange one given so many young ones are out on my street at all hours but this thread has given me some peace of mind, lol

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/09/2023 20:10

Unless you said/ meant year 6 and I’m misunderstanding?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/09/2023 20:09

I don’t think any 6 yo is reliably able to cross roads on their own, or be allowed out to just roam. I wouldn’t let my 9 yo do this - there’s a reason why most schools won’t let kids go home alone til 11 - it only takes one lapse of concentration, one car going too fast, and that’s a tragedy happened.

I am in London (outer) so obviously busy roads but as above, it only takes one speeding car. Little kids of six can’t judge speed well enough, and it doesn’t need them to have ADHD to lose concentration- many kids are dreamers.

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 20:08

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 03/09/2023 20:03

I'd ignore any comments about the dog, OP. Mumsnet posters hate dogs especially bull breeds or rotties. They'll be pearl clutching over your dog and child.

The ones that try to bite us veterinary staff the most are spaniels.

Thanks!

Yeah my mum has 2 cocker spaniels which she claimed were "so friendly" and one snapped at my DS so has to be in another room when he's over.

I've had 2 dogs bite me - a poodle and a terrier. When I was wanting a dog, I knew I wanted a bigger breed and also one well trained. We've spent thousands training her and socialising her and she's the biggest softie and very much a "nanny dog".

My friend recently had a baby and has an Airedale terrier and the dog has been a nightmare

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Sirzy · 03/09/2023 20:05

Mammyloveswine · 03/09/2023 20:03

I've started to give my asd 7 year old a little bit more freedom this summer.., ive seen GPR watches on Amazon that I can link to my phone, his dads phone and his grandads phone so I'm getting him one for Christmas so next year he can have more freedom but I can track him and he can get in touch with me.

I have heard of people using apple air tags to help with things like this too

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 20:04

Mammyloveswine · 03/09/2023 20:03

I've started to give my asd 7 year old a little bit more freedom this summer.., ive seen GPR watches on Amazon that I can link to my phone, his dads phone and his grandads phone so I'm getting him one for Christmas so next year he can have more freedom but I can track him and he can get in touch with me.

That's actually a great idea that I'll look into - thanks!

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VeterinaryCareAssistant · 03/09/2023 20:03

I'd ignore any comments about the dog, OP. Mumsnet posters hate dogs especially bull breeds or rotties. They'll be pearl clutching over your dog and child.

The ones that try to bite us veterinary staff the most are spaniels.

Mammyloveswine · 03/09/2023 20:03

I've started to give my asd 7 year old a little bit more freedom this summer.., ive seen GPR watches on Amazon that I can link to my phone, his dads phone and his grandads phone so I'm getting him one for Christmas so next year he can have more freedom but I can track him and he can get in touch with me.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2023 19:59

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 19:09

I think he needs to be allowed to roam a bit otherwise he's not going to build up the skills to look after himself.

He's 6.
With comex needs that means he essentially has no road sense.

Like hell does he need to roam about anywhere without a competent adult.

WunWun · 03/09/2023 19:59

I've never let my DD randomly out into the street to play and she starts secondary school tomorrow. It wouldn't even begin to cross my mind to let a six year old out to play

Original poster

ellie09 · 03/09/2023 19:58

StrongandNorthern · 03/09/2023 19:56

You have an ASD child and a Rottweiler?

We got the dog before we noticed any issues (we've had the dog for 3 years now) and they're the best of friends and have a great bond.

Like any dog owner, I wouldn't let him around her unsupervised but they play ball together, sit with each other on the sofa and she is very gentle with him. She's been around young children since she was sent home from the breeder

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Merryoldgoat · 03/09/2023 19:56

TheGirlFromTomorrow · 03/09/2023 19:49

I'm sorry if you don't like my opinion but I think kids need to play outside. It's perfectly safe where I live and loads of kids are out from morning until night. Maybe where you live isn't safe but personally, I wouldn't let my kid sit indoors listening to other children play all summer.

Autistic kids need life experience as much, if not more, than others.

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An autistic 6 year old with no roadsense should not be allowed to roam.

It’s idiotic.

And of course they child should play with children but either supervised outside, in the house or out at a park/beach etc.

I’m not suggesting house arrest.

StrongandNorthern · 03/09/2023 19:56

You have an ASD child and a Rottweiler?