To think I TECHNICALLY didn't do anything wrong?

Don’t send nudes of anyone else to your ex, OP! It is a legal minefield. @AngryGreasedSantaCatcus has an excellent question for you.

I would text your ex and say your issue is with your friend, not me. Then send him the unedited version of the texts nudes etc.

@eeekkeee out of curiosity, was it your choice not to see this guy again/did you reject him?

I wouldn't have this conversation over text at all.

My dd (now 23) told me 5 years ago that she just picks up the phone and calls her friends if there is any text confusion/worry/angst.

Pick up the phone and talk to the other parent of your child. Stop worrying about how you phrase things. Just ask him why he texted you what he did. and tell him what happened.

The amount of posts about how exactly to text or phrase the text here is amazing (to an old person like me). The OP shares a child with the other person. There is no abuse or anything like that. Just pick up the phone and talk to each other.

I'd say "its incredibly odd, thanks for the heads up. Let me know if he Carrie's on trying to drag you into it, I'd hate to think he is showing off personal messages and if it looks like he is then I'll be speaking to the police to see what can be done about it"

It indicates that

• you are pretending you think he is helpful but are not prepared to comment further
• if he asks about the messages or says any more on it then he might worry about opening himself up to police enquiries so he will be well advised to butt out.
• it doesnt answer his question and closes it down and he cant ask more without looking like a nosy sod.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia yes you're right. Seeing him wasn't the right phrasing. What you said would work better.

"Seeing him" is overstating it.

"We met up once and flirted online for a bit but I haven't heard from him in months..." is the only alteration I'd make to that response suggestion.

Or any identifiable birthmarks, scars, or similar.

It's MRAs who would victim-blame the woman for sending nudes. "Shouldn't send them if you don't want them shared/uploaded" is MRA logic.

Feminists believe that the man is solely to blame if he distributes them further, even if we acknowledge that sending them in the first place isn't wise.

It wasn't so long ago that photo studios offered boudoir sessions and marketed them to wives as anniversary gifts for their husbands.

I meant messaging him rather than seeing him but you get the idea.

Don't share his nudes, threaten to or even allude to the possibility that it could ever even be a thing. If he shares yours go to the police.

I don't think he sounds annoyed but I'd reply assuming he's not either way. Don't respond defensively. You've done nothing wrong and replying as if you're worried he might be angry will not help your case. If you reply as if he obviously wouldn't be angry about something so ridiculous then it's harder for him to escalate and have a go at you.

"We met up while I was seeing him but I haven't heard from him in months. That is indeed odd. No idea why he would be sharing that with you. Thanks for letting me know though. Hope you've had a nice weekend. DD was very happy we have finally had some sun! See you next week."

Sounds like Rob is out to cause trouble. God knows why. Maybe your ex is miffed / annoyed more at Rob than you for being dragged into it all.

I'm with the others that he needs to be warned about sharing personal photos of you.

Or I'd be a bitch and tell him I'll share his if that's his attitude.

What would you say to your daughter in 10 years time if she was sending nude pics to a guy she barely knows?

I would just reply to ex asking what the hell it has to do with him. Not his business who you see or do whatever with.

He is just messing with your head and your relationship with your ex.

This. Rob sounds like a dick.. lucky escape.. and sounds like you have his dick pics to prove it... !

Why are there so many cool girls on MN at the moment? Its like it's been infiltrated with mens rights activists.

It's not "prudish" to not want to send nudes to someone, its just basic common sense 🙄

’Weird’ is minimising it.

If he’s planning on distributing private sexual images of OP then this is a criminal offence and illegal.

The friend was probably boasting to your ex about you sexting, men are weird

I agree with @PoppyTries that @Thewizardbinbag has a good sample reply for you to work from.

Rob is making trouble and being an arse as well as threatening something illegal. But to me your ex is asking questions that are none of his business. His only valid concern is that your DC wasn’t around if Rob stayed over.

OP didn’t ask for your opinion on sending nudes did she?
Plenty of people send nudes before meeting. Some do it for money. OP is an adult and capable of weighing up the pros and cons before sending nudes.
Keep your prudish, judgey opinions to yourself.

No one knows for sure what each of their motives are/were but you don't really have to bother about anything either of them say or do. You owe no explanation and you're not emotionally entangled with either.

But....ha ha...in your position I'd still want to know. Here's my guess. By chance your ex and chancer bumped into each other. Ex said something about child/speaking with you and chancery blurted out that he'd been round your house. He did this because he showing off in front of ex and he's secretly chuffed because he's punching. Ex is shocked n rather than go all laddish and 'admire' his mates pulling power (get in there), he's gone all serious and possessive. Chancer now wants to make out it was sooooo casual (even though he'd love to date you) and even has texts to prove it was just banter.....and yes of course he'll be selective in what he shares. What he doesn't realise is that despite you and your ex splitting up (and def not wanting to get back together) you are his child's mother and he has respect for you. Your ex is being protective. He might even mansplain some flirting techniques men use (which you know). Chances just that. He shot himself in the foot by oversharing. Who knows one night when you were in the right frame of mind you could have had some fun. Not now!

You sent nudes to a guy you’d met ONCE??!! Wtaf???? Don’t do that again OP, it’s a really bad idea.

This is the perfect response