Am I the problem or is this mansplaining??

It's really annoying! But I admit I'm thinking you should count your blessings because my (otherwise lovely) DH has a horrible habit of telling me I'm wrong instantly, without thinking about it or acknowledging that he doesn't actually know the answer either. I then sort of tease the acknowledgement out of him and then call it out, and then he gets in a huff about it. It's hard to explain but it goes something like:

Me: My friend is selling her car, she's looking at about X for it.
Him: She won't get X for it.
Me: Really? Doesn't it depend on the condition?
Him: Yeah, but it's an old car.
Me: It's 2018 and it's only done Y miles.
Him: Oh well she should be looking at at least X.
Me: Yes, so why did you tell me I was wrong straight away?
Him: Oh not this again!

(A crap example but I can't think of a better one)

It's not every time and he seems surprised at himself when it happens, and does apologise, but it's definitely a very annoying habit!

So he paraphrases what you've said, but as though it's his own. Yup that's mansplaining in a nutshell. Does he ever come up with any original thoughts of his own, so the two of you actually end up having a meaningful conversation?

OP -I totally get it but isn't just men. My (older) sister does it often to me. She has a great need to be in control (I think she has low self esteem though probably doesn't recognise it) and needs to have the last word in every discussion. She is so busy (subconsciously) trying to do so that she doesn't listen properly to what I am saying, so comes out with exactly the same thing.

My bloke does this sometimes; but I'll say 'I just said that!' and he'll say 'Oh, shit, yeah you did, didn't you! Well, what you said!' And we'll both have a good laugh.

It's usually because he's not heard properly; we do also do it to each other sometimes as part of the understanding-the-conversation thingy that others have touched on. But it's never a reason to fall out with each other.

We do laugh a lot, though...

My FIL will literally talk (loudly, so it’s definitely deliberate) over the top of me about a totally unrelated subject, whenever I speak. I use a technique I learnt in the boardroom which is to verbally skid to a dramatic halt the moment he starts. It has the effect of meaning you’re not actually competing to be heard and more importantly, drawing everyone’s total attention to what he has done.

It’s very effective. I discovered it in my twenties when I was regularly spoken over by older men. Happened recently at a big meeting by a young, overconfident man, who had been late and who had no idea I was chairing as the ‘expert’. Fuck, I enjoyed that one.

In a similar vein for your situation, I’d call them all out on it each and every time. Calmly (because men like that will call you hysterical, otherwise).

Oh, DP does this all the time but he has ADHD and I suspect he’s not actively trying to piss me off (he does frequently remind me he’s too lazy to actively try to piss me off and would prefer a quiet life), but more putting it into his own words, out loud, to calibrate it in his brain. And I’m some cases, hadn’t really been listening but some Dee dark part of his lizard brain has picked up on what I’m saying subconsciously, then he consciously says it because he thinks he’s thought it.

Generally I just hiss at him like an angry goose.

It is really annoying that he talks about the same topic without acknowledging what you have said and without expressing how is his statement connected to yours.

I have this feeling with my female colleague at work. And I generally like her!
I ask a question (given A, I am curious about B) and get an explanation about A.
It's a professional context and there might be a slight language barrier, so I'll just try to make clear what exactly I am asking about, but I would hate facing this at home.

I (and my colleagues) do this all the time at work. But we work very technical jobs, with lots of somewhat vaguely defined terms, that can mean different things to different people.
In this scenario if I broadly understood what you were saying and wanted to confirm, I would say, 'so you mean... it builds up over time''?' using simpler language. I would acknowledge that I'm building on your point rather than introducing something completely new!
The way he's said it looks like he think's he's adding a new point because he either didn't understand what you were saying or wasn't listening.

Do you always use such academic language when discussing everyday topics?

He either didn't listen to what you originally said
or he didn't understand what you said and just repeated the same thing back to you using simpler words?

I think you are wrong. My DH is unable to have a two-way conversation, it’s very annoying. He says something, then thinks that’s it. I don’t need to respond. But I forget and say something along the same lines / in agreement / expanding in the topic. Then he goes off the deep-end… It’s ridiculous!

I m not afraid to challenge my man and set my standards

If you put it to them the right way (the way a man can get inspired by), you ll see results: either you ll see he s taking it in or he s truly useless.

I d never be in a relationship with a guy whose first reaction is to dismiss me.
When I talk in my own relationship, how weird/out there it may sound initially to him, I am going to be heard with respect.
I can be right, I can be wrong, we can talk, but heard I will be.

Not going to spend ages sitting on my hands not saying anything if something bothers me or go for a guy who doesn t listen, because it puts frustration, nagging and resentment into the DNA of your relationship, and it may take you a while to realise he actually doesn t care at all

*experienced this

Loving 'hepeating'. I've deffo EC

😂😂

My partner does exactly the same but when I say to him 'that's exactly what I just said' we both laugh and wind each other up... so I guess your dp's reaction is more the issue here

My DH does this. It drives me mad mainly because he then looks to me to say something else but I don't know what because he hasn't advanced the conversation at all. So then I'm effectively just talking to myself.

I've tried explaining this to him and asking him to add to the conversation but he doesn't seem capable (although he used to be before we had children).

I don't have any answers. I think some of it is processing information in a different way as a pp said. It is true that I'm more intelligent than my DH. Is that true for you OP? If so you may just have to live with it and appreciate that he's trying to understand what you're talking about.

I now save my conversations for my friends, and just do mundane chat with DH but it does make me sad that we aren't very compatible intellectually.

Not being horrible about your DH or making excuses for him - but does he actually understand what you say? Is this for his own benefit?

Yes, I would also inject some fun "fuck off" energy into that conversation!

Nah, sorry but it doesn’t make you a bad partner if you’d respond to that with ‘fuck off’. It would be an eminently reasonable response.

What if you then said exactly the same back to him? 😂 keep it going and see how many times the same sentence gets said.

This.

I'm stealing this!

I don’t think it’s necessarily mansplaining. It could be he/they are kind of repeating what you’ve said but in their own words as a form of processing the information. The fact your partner says he’s just having a conversation suggests this (unless he’s winding you up).

I’d just reply in a neutral confirmatory way:

”Yes, exactly. I’m glad we agree.”

What an extraordinary way to talk to your partner!

Ask him if he would consider couples counselling. He could learn to converse in a different way, and learn to manage conflict differently.