Resenting my husband

As I said, you're perfectly OK to feel resentful-anyone would! But you are actually being unreasonable at the same time. Unless he is a arse who went away without any consideration, discussion or planning-and you said that's not what happened.

Why would you want him helping and passing covid round to everyone? You offered him the room for the reasons stated. I personally think YABU.

Would anyone really want someone with Covid near babies?? Bloody hell, we do forget quickly!

You have the right to be resentful. He went on selfish carefree weekend away, have you had a weekend completely away from the kids? Also, why is it when men are ill they forget they have children and go to bed all day, mothers aren’t allowed the same luxury! We just have to get on with it.

What are you resentful over? That he went on the trip? That he got sick? That he took your suggestion of staying in the bedroom?

The lesson is don’t be a martyr and offer things got don’t actually want to do as some sort of test. It’s utterly stupid for you and two babies to sleep in the living room while your husband has the bedroom to himself.
From tonight swap back around.

I know a fair few people lately who have had covid and they’ve been floored by it. In all fairness you did offer the bed. You should have sent him to sleep in your 4 year olds room and you and the dc taken yours.

Husband should’ve gone in dc1’s bed.

but it’s too late for that now I guess.

and yes op I’d feel resentful too. How poorly actually is he?

No medical professional is classing Covid as a common cold when it comes to new babies. Like flu, If you don't have symptoms you can carry on with housework etc. But some people will be floored by it.
OP the trip was agreed on, you gave him the bedroom, it's just a unlucky shit situation.

Did you agree to the trip? The illness is unfortunate and dragged out his 'break' I would take a day to your self if you can soon. Get a massage or go to a spa if you can afford it and manage being away for feeds.

Yes, yes, in real life women with 4 month old twins plus an older DC all find it an entire piece of piss. It's only on MN that anyone might consider twins to be slightly hard work.

I'm not surprised you feel resentful.

However, you've told him to sleep in the bed. He can't do right for doing wrong!

(I had a previous partner who asked me why some women say one thing and mean another. I think this is the sort of thing he was referring to)!

I am a bit baffled! If it was discussed and arranged well in advance what's so bad about the fishing trip? Obviously if he's an arse then it's different, but if he isn't then surely either parent should be able to look after the children solo for a weekend? And I certainly wouldn't want someone with Covid anywhere near me or my babies-if I had any!

Well, I’d think much less of him for scheduling a multiple night trip for himself when you’ve for four month old twins and a young child. Leaving you on the sofa with them all while he wallows in bed with Covid just about puts the tin lid on it.

At a guess, I bet he’s one of these men who won’t facilitate you having downtime because he ‘can’t cope’ with all three and you ‘are naturally better at it’.

Well you offered the bed situation so you can’t blame him for that. Or for being ill. Why though was he on a fishing trip at all? I assume that was mutually agreed and you get your own trip away when he is feeling better…?

Not everyone in real life finds caring for babies and children hard, in fact, only on MN does childcare and being a parent seem to be the hardest jobs on the planet.

Maybe the fishing trip had been planned and agreed to ages ago.

Plus I agree about covid basically treated like a cold now.

There is little point nipping OPs ear about the fishing trip. It's done and her DH is unwell. Although I can imagine sleeping on the sofa is crap, as is looking after three young children, he should remain in the bedroom out of the way so he doesn't infect you or the children. You will just have to muddle through until he gets better. Resentment is normal when you are tired and fed up but there is nothing you can do right now.

As others have said, he should never have even considered going on the trip in the first place 😡

Agree with some PP, I wouldn't be happy with DH going on an overnight trip away.
Presumably you wouldn't get to enjoy a treat like that. And then to come back sick, useless. It's very hard looking after one baby let alone two, and another older one. I feel for you.

I'm not surprised you feel resentful but I'm.not sure where you want him to be if you are aiming for him to isolate (have you got 1 living room/dining room) . If there is somewhere else then you shouldn't have given up the bedroom and he shouldn't have let you sleep downstairs. We have to live with covid but it is knocking people for six and if I'd got a baby twin and a 4 year old I'd be trying to avoid catching it too. Hope he's better soon..

It's a shit situation, yes, but I also sense it's a situation that wouldn't happen to your husband because you are default in your family and he flits in and out as he pleases. So there is literally no world in which he'd be sleeping on the sofa while caring single-handedly for 3 children, including 2 young babies, while you enjoy a weekend away and loaf in bed upstairs on your own.

What's he planning to do to give you a break when things get back to normal?

I’m sorry to hear about your parents, that’s very sad and must have been very hard on you, but it’s also very unusual at this point.

working for the nhs we are now told to come to work with covid so long as we feel up to it. For the vast majority now covid is no more serious than a cold or a mild case of the flu. Of course there will always be exceptions, as with most illnesses, even a cold could lead to pneumonia in someone vulnerable.

however the OP made no mention of anyone in her household being vulnerable and it’s quite likely that her husband could be doing more to help. He could at least be sleeping on the sofa, doing some house work and helping with the older child even if she (understandably) doesn’t want to risk the babies being unwell.

'I wish people would stop peddling this nonsense. Covid is a killer. In just the same way flu is to those vulnerable. Testing and isolation is the only responsible action for people who aren't complete arses.'

This. Covid is NOT the common cold (although the same family of viruses). They've just brought forward the winter vaccination initiative because hospital admissions are rising again.

I caught it in May and am only now getting back to normal.

I wish people would stop peddling this nonsense. Covid is a killer. In just the same way flu is to those vulnerable. Testing and isolation is the only responsible action for people who aren't complete arses.

Wish someone had thought about that before infecting and killing both my parents within a week 3 months ago.

why did he test for covid? Surely it’s just like any other virus now? And unless he’s so ill he can’t walk he should I still be helping out with the kids. Would you do separate rooms for a heavy cold? Also if you were ill would he take the babies downstairs - I think not.

tell him to get out of his sick bed and help!

Covid is now classed as the common cold. If you test positive it makes no difference, you can still go to work and carry on with daily activities.
I would be taking care of the twins myself but asking him to chip in with housework etc.

If not, I would wait till he has recovered then simply say you deserve a break, take a few afternoon naps.

Maybe your feeling a bit under the weather yourself?