Don’t like not knowing when someone is coming round

This has happened to me a few times and I've hid lol. I don't like people turning up unexpectedly

I’m exactly the same OP so if it’s weird then I’m weird too! I’m an introvert and can’t just ‘switch on’ at the drop of a hat (or the ring of a doorbell!)

I hate ‘poppers’ there is no need in the age of mobile phones - I don’t mind a ‘text and pop’ but minimum 30 mins notice is appreciated. My very closest friends have ‘popping privileges’ as they will accept me and my house in any state/mood and won’t care - everyone else can bugger off - especially when they bring all their kids - which one of my husband’s friends used to do on a weekend when his wife was having a ‘lie in’ and he”d just turn up at our house with his kids and expect to be entertained - I stopped answering the door in the end, it was so irritating.

I'm the same.

I don't get the "On MN, it's normal, In real life, it's weird," comments. So, people who post on MN aren't real people living real lives? Odd comment.

I don't like unannounced visitors. If people are going to come around, I'd prefer to have a specific time when they're doing so. If not, I just end up feeling like I have to wait around all day for them and don't feel comfortable getting in the middle of something i.e. a book, a movie or a meal or whatever because it could get interrupted at any minute.

I am an introvert, though and when I'm chilling, I like to be "switched off." I don't like to be on edge, thinking when I'm going to have to "switch on."

There's a few posters on here who clearly fall on the more extrovert side of the spectrum and that's ok, but some of the comments here fall into the "lack empathy and understanding that not everyone is like me and likes/appreciates impromptu visits."

I would be willing to bet that they're likely the sort that deliver impromptu visits to their friends and their friends may be too polite to tell them that they don't always appreciate it.

I also like to slob around in my PJs all day if I've nowhere to go and no one to see and I don't care. Of course-you had to cue the "Oh, I could never sit around in my PJs all day-gross!" comments! 😆

My friend turns up unannounced and it drives me mad.

She turned up two days after I'd had a caesarean so I had to hobble to the door to answer it.

Her, her partner and their son came over uninvited a few weekends ago. I was home alone (a rarity!) so I wanted to relax, watch a film and play The Sims.

They came in, their son got out a load of my son's toys, they stayed for almost two hours, then left a mess for me to tidy.

I'm getting sick of it.

Weird if she's literally dropping them in. Not weird if she's one whose "nip by" means turning up unexpectedly, expecting to chat with you for an hour while you give her a drink and cake. However I suspect that not arranging a time because she will "nip by at some point, or leave them on the doorstep" actually her "nip by" will be seeing you for long enough to hand them over. Which means provided you are awake and not naked is really no bother, and it doesn't matter what you are doing and wearing.

Absolutely. It seems to mean ‘that’s not what we do so no one else can possibly behave like this’ with little digs about MD or ND as the explanation for anything that others do differently.

This whole 'on Mumsnet, not in RL' thing baffles me.

People on mn are also people in RL.

Which means it absolutely is a 'thing' in RL. Different people like things different ways. 🤷

My oldest friend emigrated to Australia a few years ago and sometimes comes back to Uk. She loves to turn up and surprise me rather than letting me know she is back ! She then turns up unannounced looking stunning while I look terrible and the house a tip!!

Can you ask your DH to answer the door he can say your out/ in the bath on the phone or something I can totally understand how you feel.

It is very odd.

I’m exactly the same. I know someone else irl who is exactly like this.
We both recognise we have some mental health issues and are unusual.

Most people do not dread this happening. I can’t relax if I know someone is going to do this, I’m constantly on edge. It would blight my holiday. I’m also dealing with past trauma and am hyper vigilant.

This is so weird
Totally get no wanting people to drop in although I personally wouldn’t care but she has literally said she’ll drop it off. There is absolutely no obligation to invite her in and by the sound of it this wouldn’t be her expectation

What's wrong with saying, 'Please don't just call round. Let me know in advance so we can arrange a convenient time.'

I hate unexpected visitors, but the ones who say they'll come by 'at some point' are even worse, because then you're worried about when they'll turn up! I'm with you all the way.

I am not sure any of my friends would be offended if they dropped round and I was busy, so didn't invite them in, but obviously I appreciate they might not be a representative group. Having said that, I probably would invite them in because I would be pleased to see them. The benefit of not being a planner is that even if I was busy, having had no plan, it probably wouldn't make a difference if was delayed by an hour in my non-plan!

Trouble is that friends etc don't want to be fobbed off on the doorstep and will call you rude if you don't ask them in (as has been seen in other MN posts over the years!). So you virtually have to offer them a brew just to avoid being rude, and that means you lose an hour and probably can't finish what you wanted to do that morning/afternoon.

I'd have no problems at all if people just came to the door, handed something over, and went away again. I don't have problems with the postmen or delivery drivers at all. They don't expect to come in for tea and biscuits!

Absolutely loathe people just turning up. There’s one who tends to do it stating “I thought I’d just come have a cup of tea with you”. She’s been aware for over 30 years that I don’t like this yet still pushes and pushes my boundaries. Hasn’t done it for a while so I must be due a knock. I’d happily ignore. It’s about respecting other people and their likes and dislikes

Fair enough - I am not a planner 😂But then I also wouldn't consider someone dropping off some books to be either entertaining or even socialising. I wouldn't expect someone to drop round and expect a meal, however.

If she’s your friend who cares what state the house is in or if your still in your pjs 🤷‍♀️

Nope, I keep myself and home in good condition, so that's not the reason at all. For me, I'm a "planner" and can't cope with unexpected occurrences, especially those that involve entertaining or socialising.

This only makes sense (in my mind) if you are not comfortable, either with how you look or how your house looks. I wouldn't mind a good friend seeing me in my pyjamas or surrounded by mess so it wouldn't bother me at all.

I wouldn't like it either. It's rude to just turn up whenever you want. If it's just dropping a book off in front of the door then i wouldn't mind though. If i had to entertain then i need to know what time as i could be busy.

But MN isn't the real world, I have become convinced over the years that it is the antithesis of the real world!

I see it’s books you are buying from her, have you considered trying any of the following:

1. Text and say you’re going to be in her area and can you pop round to collect them to save her bringing them over. Then you just go over if she says yes, problem solved.

2. if that’s not an option, ask her if she can give you at least half an hour’s notice on the day, and ideally confirm which day in advance so that you can be ready for her.

3. If she just turns up, and everything’s open etc, answer the door and say “good timing, we were just getting ready to go out and I was worried we’d miss you! Thanks for the books, hopefully we can catch up properly soon?”

Chances are, she’s wanting to drop and run - that’s why she doesn’t want to arrange a specific time! She doesn’t want you to invite her in any more than you want to invite her in!