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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel a bit aggrieved about this

88 replies

MissMarplesNiece · 29/08/2023 13:46

Every year I look after pet cat for a week or so while relative 1 goes on holiday. Relative 1 never asks me themself (we don't have each others contact details), it's all done via relative 2 and I collect cat from relative 2. Relative 1 never provides food or cat litter so I buy this myself.

At the end of relative 1's holiday, I return cat to them via relative 2. I've never had thanks passed on to me or had a thank you card - even a scribbled note on a postcard. When people looked after my pets in the past I always bought them a small gift as a token of appreciation, but have never received anything from relative 1 - not even a thank you text.

AIBU to feel a bit resentful that relative 1 is saving over £100 on cattery fees but can't even send a few sachets of cat food/some cat litter or even be bothered to say thank you?

OP posts:
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SpamFrittersYouSay · 30/08/2023 23:10

Just say "No."

Octosaurus · 30/08/2023 22:55

You're a doormat. Quit moaning and stop this immediately

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/08/2023 22:34

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 29/08/2023 13:50

Why the fuck would you do it even without speaking to the owner and spending your own money on food. Just say no

Edited

Exactly. They’re a CF, but - gently - you are being a mug. Stop doing it - end of problem.

thisisasurvivor · 30/08/2023 22:29

I used to look after my friends dog

4 times
Moved into the house
Took her beautiful dog everywhere
Dream dog to look after

Not once did I get as much as a thank you
In fact she once rang me to complain that I left dog hairs on the back seat of her car

Silly mare

She never even walked her beautiful dog
We had the best time together o even took her to work with me to keep her safe and content

Any way I should have said no after the first insult

Some people are cheeky bastards

Once I fed a friends cat for 3 days
Was a total pleasure

He dropped off so many gifts the day he got home I was astonished

LIZS · 30/08/2023 22:18

Is relative 2 taking credit and relative 1 does not know you have the cat?

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 30/08/2023 22:05

Next time, say you are unable to help. If pressed, say you’ve done it multiple times and it’s been entirely unappreciated - in fact, it actually costs you money to volunteer to do it. CF.

ItsASnag · 30/08/2023 22:02

This time, when you hand the cat back, say this is the last time you'll do it without provision of food and litter (or again, if that's your preference), so please don't embarrass anyone by ever asking again.

xyz111 · 30/08/2023 19:26

This is weird Op. you're being taken for a fool. You're looking after someone's pet for free! Stop doing it!

KaySararSarar · 30/08/2023 19:01

mn29 · 30/08/2023 14:17

This is very strange. If you can't bear to tell them straight because you don't want to be 'rude' (even though you've been treated rudely), then you just need to say either "sorry I'll be unavailable to look after the cats" or "sorry I won't be able to do it as it costs too much to provide the food and litter".

@mn29 says it perfectly! ‘I can’t, I’m already down three occasions of litter and food so I can’t swallow another year I’m afraid. I’m sure there’s many cattery’s available’

MermaidEyes · 30/08/2023 16:09

Next year OP you'll be on holiday so sadly won't be able to cat sit. Catteries are a thing.

SafferUpNorth · 30/08/2023 15:16

Owner of cat is probably leaving food & litter (or money) with Relative 1, who is pocketing it.

Grow a pair, OP. Insist on having owner's contact details and say that in future you will only deal directly with them.

Wishimaywishimight · 30/08/2023 14:18

Yet another thread where a poster continues to do the same thing repeatedly, without saying a word, and somehow expects the other party to suddenly change their behaviour.

Yes, R1 is a CF and will continue to be one until you speak up.

mn29 · 30/08/2023 14:17

This is very strange. If you can't bear to tell them straight because you don't want to be 'rude' (even though you've been treated rudely), then you just need to say either "sorry I'll be unavailable to look after the cats" or "sorry I won't be able to do it as it costs too much to provide the food and litter".

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 30/08/2023 14:16

Either say no or if you like dcat hold it hostage until funds are received...

Screamingabdabz · 30/08/2023 14:06

GingerIsBest · 29/08/2023 17:11

Oh for pity's sake, if you're not even close enough to have relative 1's contact details, then why the fuck are you looking after their cat, including paying for their food and litter?

This whole thing is too bizarre for words and I truly do not understand how people get into these situations.

This 100% ^

gamerchick · 30/08/2023 14:03

Easy enough. Tell them no OP. Practise 'dont ask me again because I'll refuse' in the mirror.

ZadocPDederick · 30/08/2023 13:59

Send the bills for food and litter to R1 and ask if they want to send a cheque or do a direct transfer to your account.

Conkersinautumn · 30/08/2023 13:52

It's totally unreasonable for a planned break to not provide for a pet. To not thank or acknowledge you as well is ridiculous. I'd be tempted to keep the cat as its essentially not being provided for. I'm not even someone who would ever get a cat, but this is shoddy

Original poster
MissMarplesNiece · 30/08/2023 13:42

I am not close to R1 but see R2 often. The first time R2 asked me if I would mind looking after R1's cat for a week, R2 said they'd do it but have cats of their own and thought the cats wouldn't get on/cause distress to cats, so I said yes. Never thought R1 wouldnt provide necessary bits & pieces, or even say thank you. It just followed on that R2 asked me again the following year and I had other stuff on my mind - DM in hospital - so I just did it again. Since then it sort of became '"assumed" that me & DH would do it.

I find it quite difficult to know whether boundaries are reasonable or not (yes, I know, I'm working on it) so felt mean saying no or asking to be provided with cat food etc.

When I went to get cat from R2 yesterday I asked if R1 had left food and cat litter and got an eyeroll & snort. I think R1 generally takes advantage of other members of the family. I've noticed stuff they've done before - but somehow it's always easier to spot when it's being done to others than done to me.

OP posts:
wineschmine · 30/08/2023 12:30

Weirdest set up in the world.

Why aren't you explaining / expanding on why there is absolutely no communication between the relative and yourself?

Iloveacurry · 30/08/2023 12:18

Why bother? Just say no.

readingmynightaway · 30/08/2023 12:12

ManateeFair · 29/08/2023 14:00

Are you saying that AT NO POINT in this regular cat-sitting arrangement have you actually had a conversation with or seen the person WHO OWNS THE FUCKING CAT? And you're feeding and providing litter trays for said cat, all this time?

Christ, just tell both relatives to fuck off

" the funking cat" 🤣

Tinkerbyebye · 30/08/2023 12:10

Sounds to me that R2 has been asked, gets you to do it and they get the thanks!

stopdoing it, R2 can do it

Stompythedinosaur · 30/08/2023 12:04

Why do you keep doing it? I would expect at least a thank you!

Fraaahnces · 30/08/2023 12:04

Good grief! Why on earth do you bother?

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