Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum refusing medication

36 replies

cloudcs · 29/08/2023 05:26

My mum has recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. She absolutely refuses to take any medication for it. She doesn't trust doctors and lies to me about what they have said to her (e.g. she said they told her she should stop a course of steroids as soon as she felt better and not finish them - she only took them for 2 days).

I'm just at a loss. Do I need to accept this as her belief that she does not want any medical intervention or do I need to try and gently encourage her?

She just says she doesn't want substances in her body, she looks up medications on Google and says that she doesn't trust them because of what people say.

She smokes so it's ironic because she's happy to have that in her body - I simply can't understand her view. She's only in her 60's so could have years of reasonable health left if her condition is managed properly. Her intelligence level is fairly low, I'm not saying that to be nasty but it is - I think she doesn't fully understand that what she reads online needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Also just FYI this isn't really a cultural thing - the rest of the famiily would normally follow medical advice. It's just her.

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudcs · 29/08/2023 06:38

@Tezza1 I will definitely share with my mum - when she is in a receptive mood ;) One of my parents' favourite things is their yearly holiday abroad, they just go to a resort in Spain, but I know she would be devastated if they couldn't do that anymore.

Thank you so much for this and I really hope you find a suitable hotel and enjoy your Christmas!

OP posts:
Original poster
cloudcs · 29/08/2023 06:34

@noworklifebalance That's exactly the problem - the more I encourage it the more she runs away from it. Every time I talk to her I have to try really hard not to get frustrated and say 'well if you just took the medication....'

OP posts:
Tezza1 · 29/08/2023 06:33

Yes, the knee replacement went reasonably well, and helped a lot with pain and mobility, but I am now unable to climb more than a couple of steps at a time and there must be a handrail. Everything incIuding the toilet seat, car seat and my bed must be organise so that my hips are higher than my knees. My recliner has to be motorised. I'm looking for a hotel for Christmas and want an oldish style hotel. However, it must have lifts and accessible showers, and I didn't start looking early enough to have a huge choice. Plenty of modern ones, but I don't want that. However that's all due to RA, not the knee replacement.

Anyway, it's fine, but let me be a warning about the joint damage that may occur if your mother doesn't actually take precautions. Mine is on the severe side with multiple joint issues. Your mum's may well be much milder. Someone I know with RA is off on a six week bus tour of Europe which also means two 24 hour flights.

noworklifebalance · 29/08/2023 06:20

Do I need to accept this as her belief that she does not want any medical intervention or do I need to try and gently encourage her?

I understand that you must feel very worried & frustrated. It’s not mutually exclusive- you can do both of the things you suggest. I suppose the question is, would your mum dig her heels in the more you suggest medical intervention?

Original poster
cloudcs · 29/08/2023 06:14

@Tezza1 Thanks for sharing and so sorry to hear that, that must have been so difficult for you. Do hope you're OK now and your knee replacements went well. I do worry that the same/ similar will happen to my mum. As @Octavia64 said she is probably burying her head in the sand because she's scared.

I just feel really helpless. It's like I can see the path ahead of her and I know it could be less horrible than it currently looks if she would take medication and stop smoking - but she doesn't have the willpower to stop smoking and she won't let doctors/ western medicine help her.

OP posts:
HamishTheCamel · 29/08/2023 06:01

I have a relative (my uncle) who refused treatment for a condition and died younger as a result. It's distressing for the family but it is 100% her decision.

Do I need to accept this as her belief or do I try to gently encourage her? I thing you can do both.

Tezza1 · 29/08/2023 05:59

I have RA and to be honest would take absolutely anything to ease it and the associated symptoms. I am quite happy to describe for your mum's benefit the double knee replacement that I had to have as a direct result of my RA. Earlier medical intervention may well have stopped the necessity for this.

Also, I gather from my rheumatologist that smoking is one of the main environmental causes of RA.

Octavia64 · 29/08/2023 05:59

A lot of the medications for rheumatoid arthritis have quite strong side effects.

One of the principles of medicine is consent, and many people do choose not to have treatment for illnesses/disease.

A neighbour of mine chose not to have any treatment for cancer and as a result (probably) died much younger than she would have done.

Realistically your mum is probably scared of doctors and scared of being ill and is burying her head in the sand.

However, if you are saying she took the steriods but didn't finish the course, sounds like she is seeing the doctors and doing at least some of what they suggest.

Original poster
cloudcs · 29/08/2023 05:56

Bingbangboo64 · 29/08/2023 05:48

Why are you so bothered,if the pain bothered her that much she would eventually give in and try the meds. Steroids come with major side effects hence why they are used for a short time only as a last resort treatment.

How are you not more worried about her smoking?

What do you mean, why I am I so bothered? It's my mum. And I doubt that she will take them. It's already very bad and she's very stubborn.

Obviously I'm worried about her smoking, which is probably the main cause of it. But there is advice all over the place on how to stop smoking and how to support your loved one with that. It's a constant uphill struggle and actually very distressing.

This thread is about how best to cope with the medication refusal because that is something that is harder to find opinions/ advice on.

OP posts:
Bingbangboo64 · 29/08/2023 05:48

Why are you so bothered,if the pain bothered her that much she would eventually give in and try the meds. Steroids come with major side effects hence why they are used for a short time only as a last resort treatment.

How are you not more worried about her smoking?

KnowledgeableMomma · 29/08/2023 05:36

It is tough to see a loved one in pain or making wrong decisions, but, she's a grown woman who has made her choice. She is the one who has to live with the arthritis. Let this one go.

Swipe left for the next trending thread