Mum refusing medication

My DP came off his arthritis painkillers because of the breathing issues they were causing. I'd only take steroids as a last resort because of my experiences of them. If she is overweight could you join in looking at natural ways, such as exercise, what to eat and supplements that she would take? If you can still exercise it does wonders. The thing with people who had belief systems in shamans etc, they didn't abuse their bodies in the way we do. Rather then preach at her, when she does complain perhaps go down the natural suggestion route. There's nothing wrong with eventually saying "I don't want to listen if you won't do anything to help yourself". If she has capacity, she has autonomy over her body, even if you judge her intelligence to be low. I've seen medication refusal from all sorts of people. You've just got to remind yourself that you like being in charge of your own body, so even a parent has the same rights.

I’ve got one of these - she has osteoarthritis and it sounds like heart issues (she is vague on what the Dr said) and won’t take anything. Garlic tablets cure everything apparently. She’s always been like this though - no vax for me as a kid, she even binned her anti-biotics and painkillers when she had a C-section with me. No painkillers despite walking being painful. She will go on her own terms and tbh it’s her choice - she has capacity. I’m done wasting my energy trying to persuade her!

She has the absolute right to refuse treatment and you need to accept her choice.

I went through some very similar with my mother in the last couple of months. Wouldn't seek help and buried her head in the sand. It was cancer and now untreatable.

I told the consultant how she refused to seek help and she said she's an adult, it's her body, she made her choice.

It's hard but you have to respect her wishes.

Rheumatoid arthritis is just awful My 85yr old mum has had it for around 40 years, and she is in constant pain even with painkillers. She is on high dose medication for it and has been for years. Her hands are so twisted now she cannot hold a knife or fork.

I can guarantee once the pain gets really bad for your mum she will start to take the medication. The longer she leaves it, the more damage she could be doing to her body. Medication has come a long way since my mum was first diagnosed, so it really is worth taking. But only your mum can decide if and when she does that.

It's not strictly true it causes it, but my Rheumatologist has said that if you have RA and smoke, it can make it worse, especially around it being nodular.

What makes you think that smoking causes rheumatoid arthritis? Did you read that online?

If and when it gets worse, she will certainly want to take something, even if it's just for the pain.

I have it and at the moment it's out of control and the pain is intolerable. I'm on a cocktail of drugs and live on over 200 codeine per month and it's not touching the pain.

This is so hard, OP. My dad was the same. Refused to see doctors even when he clearly had prostate cancer symptoms. By the time he was diagnosed it was no longer treatable. Some people have incredible cognitive dissonance when it comes to their own health - my dad also smoked. All you can do is try to gently educate but ultimately accept that it is her choice. No matter how stupid you think it is.

The flipside of this is you don't have to listen to her moaning about her aches (and I say this as someone with an autoimmune condition). Change the subject every time. I don't think you advocating for medicine is helping, and it might be making her more entrenched, so changing the subject might be easier for you both. "Gosh my hands hurt today" "Yes, that's a shame. How about the weather we're having?". If she pulls you up on it, you can then say that she has been given choices that help her (though TBF, I will never take steroids again; they wrecked me physically and psychologically), and that you respect her choice not to take them, then change the subject again.

Her body - her choice. Point out the pros and cons and leave her to make her own decison.

My DM also has an issue with statins, I think there has been a lot of mixed stories in the press which has caused this reluctance. In some ways I can see the idea of a pill for every ailment and then pills for the side effects being a slippery slope, GPs are very quick to dish out medication as they do not always have the resources or the time to spend investigating alternatives. It is also an issue of control and wanting to be in charge of your own body and I do get that.

OP.
I can see how frustrated you are. You are not mocking, you are bothered, you are getting a hard time here.

There is nothing that you can do despite how much you want to do and are obviously trying to do for her.

This is her very unfortunate decision and choice.
Ultimately it will impact on those around her.

Not everyone accepts medical advice, many kind pp have given examples of this.

Just strap yourself in for a very difficult, upsetting future and accept her wishes.

I wasn’t able to distance myself from my relative with similar views because they needed care, support and help, so I did what I could right up until the bitter end.
It was extremely traumatic and distressing.
They did it their way I suppose.

I never entered into conversation about it but made it clear very early on that I wasn’t comfortable with their choice.
It made a more harmonious relationship and we just “got on with life” as hard as it was.

Good luck OP, I get you x 💐

Why are you mocking your own mother? When it comes to a point where she cant do without medications or steroids she will take them.

I know 84yr old with RA- sometimes gets aches but does not take steroids or daily painkillers and does all shopping by foot and carries her own bags takes care of pets etc. She too has been offered meds but has not wanted to take them using diclofenac etc occasionally

My husband has RA affecting his knees, he dosent take painkillers as he can take only paracetamol due to cardiovascular problem and even that he uses perhaps a few times a year and chooses other treatments first- supporting sleeves on joints, horse heat treatment gel i buy mainland europe (sold in chemists as sports people use it as well),hot baths etc- works for him to get over the worst days.

my mother was one of the people who rolled her sleeve up for an untested injection in a car park a couple of years ago- didnt think to mock her foolishness then or now when she suffers side effects from it.

Oh God, that so awful. My DM has rheumatoid arthritis but she was first diagnosed over 40 years ago (early 40s so quite young). The new medications are bloody marvellous compared to what she had in the early years.

She is in "remission" now with her medications, but the damage is done. Her fingers are so twisted she can barely hold anything - they point over 45 degrees to the side and are swollen and stiff. Her toes are similar, joints swollen, has specially made shoes. She walks with a walker and her balance is so bad that she has fallen and ended up in hospital.

She can't have any operations because that would cause the RA to flare up again and undo whatever the operation fixed.

That is the future your mother could face if she doesn't take her medication.

If you Google rheumatoid arthritis images maybe that would shock her into taking the medication?

Is there a doctor she does trust? Like her gp or even the practise nurse? My mother will listen to her gp about things

I would shut down any conversations she starts about her aches and pains etc with 'I dont want to hear about it when you know there is help but you don't want to engage'.

Is it a fear of getting older and not wanting to give in or admit this or is it that she has read the possible side effects and is worried about them. My DM is similar, although she has agreed to take a particular medication she does nothing but grumble about it and blames every little pain and niggle on the fact she has to take this medication. Perfectly happy to continue to smoke though and then protests about taking medication which is putting chemicals in her body. You just cannot win

Does she actually understand that it's not just pain? That the ra is attacking her joints and damaging them? My neighbour has ra and has had 2 knee replacements, a shoulder and a hip and she's on medication. Without the medication she'd be in a wheelchair.
My mother is similar to yours , it's like she freaks out when diagnosed with something and buries her head in the sand.