Parking ticket - why should I pay?

No, I don't think I could fairly describe him as financially abusive.
Oh yes he is OP. Go on sites like Citizens Advice, Age Concern, Women's Aid, tye UK Government's own site, NHS site. They all say the same and in a nutshell...he is abusing you financially and emotionally. You say its since he got a new job, I would hazard a guess it's since you got pregnant.

Financial abuse is the use or misuse of finances to exert control over a victim now and in the future, restricting their freedom and dignity. It is often part of a pattern of coercive control characterised by belittling, threatening, intimidating and domineering behaviour..

• Financial restriction, such as: controlling how and on what you spend money; making you justify your spending; going through your bank statements and receipts; giving you an allowance or making you ask the abuser for money; gaining access to your benefits; and controlling use of property such as a mobile phone or car.

• asking the victim to account for exactly what they spend money on

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/money-mentor/article/financial-abuse/

There is a moral argument for saying 'his income is half hers' but there is no law to that effect.

Nah, just an expectation of a partnership meaning exactly that.

I am shocked by everyone saying "your ticket you pay" to the OP....she doesn't work, doesn't have a salary are you all serious that she should pay out of her personal savings....what if she didn't have any savings????? This should come out of income, and his income is half hers while she is the stay at home parent. I am honestly lost for words.

Just pay it from the joint account. If he's arsey about it, it just underlines all the other problems in your relationship.

I disagree there. While she has rightful access to it, the point of a joint account is 'usually' for agreed mutual purposes... i.e. rent, utilities etc. It is NOT a get out of jail free account or a I fancy a new pair of shoes account.

The point is she does have rightful access to this account he cannot legally or otherwise stop her and trying to is financial abuse. This is not a fancy pair of shoes it is a bill irrespective of who is responsible for the incurring the expense.

This may be different for some couples, but this is typically the norm. It pisses me off when I hear people say that on here. If you put in your salary and your husband put in his, you'd be fuming if he decided on a whim to spend it all on himself because you "cannot refuse him using it".

Fuming sure, however, there is nothing either party could do if one party withdrew all the money from a joint account.

I disagree there. While she has rightful access to it, the point of a joint account is 'usually' for agreed mutual purposes... i.e. rent, utilities etc. It is NOT a get out of jail free account or a I fancy a new pair of shoes account.

This may be different for some couples, but this is typically the norm. It pisses me off when I hear people say that on here. If you put in your salary and your husband put in his, you'd be fuming if he decided on a whim to spend it all on himself because you "cannot refuse him using it".

Ah, sorry if I missed that! Well, you've 100% made the right decision. Take this as fate telling you!

This. All the rest is pandering for sympathy.

Like most people, in terms of the question about the parking ticket, I think the person who is driving is responsible. You either didn't check properly or decided to chance it, but either way, if one person is out on their own and receives a parking ticket, they can only blame themselves.

However the main issue here is about how he doesn't see your money as family money, and doesn't accept that you looking after your children is contributing to the family just as much as the person who is being paid for their employment. That is a whole other question.

Pay the ticket and file it under, Reasons to leave my dick of a partner. He's financially abusive. Your have zero income and he's lording it over you.

When my mum was planning to leave her first husband (after he threatened to kill her) she got £5 or £10 cashback every time she did a shop or got petrol and hid the cash in tampon boxes until she had enough to flee.

I'd pay the fine out my savings and would be recuperating the money via the above method.

Maybe also consider sending him an itemised bill for childcare, housework, laundry and any other services you are providing over 50% of while on ML....since he wants to make the marriage transactional 2 can play at that.

You got the ticket, it’s your responsibility. But to contradict myself, I think you should use the joint account.
If the account is in both names and you make a withdrawal you’re doing nothing wrong.

It's still financially abusive because you don't have free access to family funds for day to expenses. Making you account for every penny and justify costs whilst being the lower earner etc.

Glad you leaving.

Ensure you are back at work and for him signed up to nursery costa etc before you tell him.

Why would it come from joint income? You're separating and it's your fault.

I don't hold the view of Mumsnet for joint income so may be biased but even if you weren't leaving, it's your issue.

Don't give him any additional satisfaction from this by asking him to pay.

And I was on a wage whilst on maternity??

First off it's not a fine. It's a parking charge notice. If you go to the store and explain that you didn't see the signs limiting the time there there's a good chance they'll get it revoked. Any issues go to the Martin Lewis site MSE and to the Motoring/Parking forum and there's all the details on how to fight this sort of thing.

Secondly - it's financial abuse. Even if you can't see it yourself. People being abused often can't spot things from inside the relationship whereas others on the outside can. You said "He checks the statement regularly and asks me to clarify what money was spent on if he can't work out what it was for. As I'm on zero pay, he's been covering our bills and expenses but he doesn't let me forget it." And that is basically a text book description.

It’s a joint expense so should come from joint income the same as groceries etc. These things happen in life, no one should be punished for them.

I would pay for the ticket.

Next on the list, I would get rid of the smug, twat head DP.

Way to miss the point.

Yes, it was a mistake on the OP's part.

However, as OP is literally not on a wage it's a dick move of the very highest order for her 6 figure salary partner not to cover it.

Are you sure it's £85? They normally let you pay a lesser amount if you pay within 30 days.

If you are planning to leave him in December you have bigger things to worry about than a parking ticket.

Go and see a lawyer NOW. Yes I mean this week. You have a lot of ducks to get in a row, esp as you don’t know his income. Start playing detective .

So when you've actually split up, will you still expect him to pay your fines?
Sorry OP - you got the ticket but think it's his responsibility to pay for it? It's really not.

Do the crime, pay the fine!

Same happened to me while on maternity. It didn’t cross my mind to ask my partner to pay. It was my fault 🤷‍♀️
we do have a joint account but I chose to take it out of my savings so that money in the joint could be used for bills