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Original poster

How would your DP / DH react to ... ?

36 replies

Worriedaboutleaving · 26/08/2023 23:22

... the murders that are in the news at the moment?

I mention I’m a bit distressed about all the children and women murdered in the news at the mo and the all the seemingly normal men / people that are doing it – what’s driving them to do it? DH said and what about the Lucy letby murders – that’s a woman and she’s the 4th person to have got a life sentence. I said I know and I’m not being sexist at all, it just concerns me that these people have been killed and the murderers are just ‘normal’ people that we see around us. And there seems to be more and more in the news. DH reverts back to the lucy case and how she’s the 4th person to have got a life sentence and when I say yes I know but I’m not talking about her specifically – just the number of murders that are happening at the moment – he says that yes but you have to accept that. And there’s an element of risk with going out of the house. I said I’m not worried about that per se and asked if he felt disgusted by people being murdered and he said ‘I accept that it happens’.

I found the lack of empathy a bit shocking tbh. Absolutely zero acknowledgement of the situation ... or even how I felt about it.

Or is this just a man thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedaboutleaving · 27/08/2023 00:23

@UndercoverCop as a human response

OP posts:
Hawkins009 · 27/08/2023 00:21

Whatsthepoint1234 · 27/08/2023 00:16

My dh (and me to a certain extent) are the same. I’m diagnosed autistic and he is undiagnosed but almost definitely. I felt upset and the LL case but most others, I accept it’s sad and not good and move on, I don’t feel disgusted unless it’s something very close to home or involving kids (I have two dc). Dh is the same. He is a surgeon and I’m a nurse so we are exposed to more death. At work I feel sad for the family but it doesn’t affect me too much unless it’s a younger person, someone with kids or someone I got to know quite well.

Would you say that after a while because your in the environment of it all, that you begin to become immune to the psychology of the situations ?

Hopefully I've worded my question in a respectful and sensitive manner.

UndercoverCop · 27/08/2023 00:21

@Worriedaboutleaving to what end?

Original poster
Worriedaboutleaving · 27/08/2023 00:20

@UndercoverCop I have no fear response - I’m just feeling disgusted and saddened by all the murders that are taking place

OP posts:
UndercoverCop · 27/08/2023 00:18

@RandomButtons plus IPPs who can be recalled and ostensibly kept in prison for the rest of their lives.

UndercoverCop · 27/08/2023 00:16

The Letby case is unusual, serial killers (different to mass or multiple murders) are rare especially female ones. However I see horrific violence, murder and sexual violence every day at work, wouldn't do me any good to be disgusted. It's doesn't mean I lack empathy or think it's ok, it's not, big part of the I do the job I do, to protect the public. He's right, it happens, it's always happened, no point letting fear responses take over.

Whatsthepoint1234 · 27/08/2023 00:16

My dh (and me to a certain extent) are the same. I’m diagnosed autistic and he is undiagnosed but almost definitely. I felt upset and the LL case but most others, I accept it’s sad and not good and move on, I don’t feel disgusted unless it’s something very close to home or involving kids (I have two dc). Dh is the same. He is a surgeon and I’m a nurse so we are exposed to more death. At work I feel sad for the family but it doesn’t affect me too much unless it’s a younger person, someone with kids or someone I got to know quite well.

RandomButtons · 27/08/2023 00:14

Stats:
”Whole life orders have been reportedly issued in approximately 100 cases since introduction in 1983”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prisoners_with_whole_life_orders

so approx 96 men vs 4 women…

List of prisoners with whole life orders - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_prisoners_with_whole_life_orders

ASeriesOfTubes · 27/08/2023 00:13

Statistically he's the person most likely to murder you so maybe he's just playing it cool for now.

RandomButtons · 27/08/2023 00:11

“DH reverts back to the lucy case and how she’s the 4th person to have got a life sentence”

fact check - 4th ever woman to get whole life sentence. There’s be so many men it’s not worth mentioning in the news.

UsingChangeofName · 27/08/2023 00:09

Er, difficult to understand what exactly you want him to say, so no, it's not "a man thing" it's just a normal human response.

Any murder is an awful, terrible thing to happen. Some murders capture our imaginations more than others - often because you can relate to the victim on some way, or sometimes because it happens locally - but each one is a horrific thing. However there have always been murders and I am not aware there has been a sudden recent spate of murders.

I am not sure what you are referring to in saying all the children and women murdered in the news at the mo and the all the seemingly normal men / people that are doing it if I am honest.