Entitled child - AIBU

12 years is old enough to head out to the shops if he does not like the ingredients that you buy. Nip this in the bud now before the more boundary pushing demands arrive in the mid teens.

Meant 16 year olds - sorry typing without glasses!

That is fantastic! I didn’t realise they did all that neither.
My friend is a Padre (like chaplain) of a squadron and she sees the kids once a week, and doesn’t always talk God with them - she is moreover a figure they can just trust neutrally if needed, who isn’t a teacher or parent. It’s amazing how many of the biggest, apparently toughest -6 year olds, usually always in trouble for something at home or school have ended up chatting to her, even sobbing on her shoulder when things get too much.
We were out having coffee yesterday and three kids came up and all wanted to high five her 🤣🤣

Being really difficult, moody, complaining, about leaving the house on family trips despite ultimately enjoying them EVERY TIME. Saying he hates the destination, doesn’t feel he should have to join, why should he join etc.

Refusing to share with his brother - PS5, cookies he’s cooked - anything really.

Questioning EVERYTHING I do - decisions I make, my own behaviour & choices - everything.

This is perfectly standard but annoying 12 yo behaviour. The food snobbery hasn't come from nowhere, he must have internalised those messages from family....

I was surprised at the amount of support they gave kids in sport and music as well. A couple of the girls in her squad were keen athletes and they represented the squad at competitive events. They got access to coaches and driven around. The army cadets had a band, so music lessons were provided. Bargain for £5 a month! And you are right about the discipline and respect. She worked hard to get promoted and got a huge sense of achievement from it as well.

My son feels that supermarket pizza is very inferior to Dominoes and that we should always get Dominoes. I try to point out to him that a supermarket pizza is about £1.50 and a Dominoes £10 and the effect when four of us are eating. The usual "we're not made of money" as well as telling him how many hours we have to work to pay for a family takeaway after deductions. How much it would cost to have Dominoes each week over a month and what else we could do with that money.

He can also be fussy like "this isn't our usual brand of cheese" and I tell him he won't be able to go on school trips e.g. the one he is looking forward to abroad or eat at friends houses/sleepover if he can't just eat what he is given.

My son is 13 and just the same. I am a teacher and generally speaking years 8-9 are not the best periods in many young people's lives!

They will become pleasant human beings again eventually. Almost certainly.

Sounds normal to me too. Typical kid that age. Honestly you’ve a road to go yet before he becomes fully grown up and well adjusted member of society,

Don’t give him short shrift.

How would you explain to your DH or to a friend why you do what you do?

Think of him as an adult with less information. E.g. imagine he is someone who came to stay from overseas and will be doing your shopping and planning for you for a while.

Treat him with respect.

If I had a friend who said “because its my decision” all the time, I would stop seeing that person.

Treat your son like a friend you would like to continue to want to see you.

Sounds completely normal for a boy that age. :)

I remember being the same at that sort of age, and just getting a shrug from my mum and a "when it's your own house, you can do what you like. Until then..."

It sounds like a joke but you're right. My friend is very involved in it, and she says the effect it has on the kids (particularly the badly behaved ones) is impressive. It really instills discipline and respect.

This.

Just to add that with the PlayStation, build in time for each child to get to a saving point in their game (but don't let them take the piss to get loads of extra time).
I had 3 boys and I think you have to be really 'on' the sharing thing - if he's refusing to do it, then he loses access for a day (or however long you deem fair).

With mine, I just said that when they grow up and have their own houses, they can choose where to shop!
I also say that while I will listen to their opinion, it doesn't mean I will do what they want - they get a say but ultimately I will decide that happens cos I'm the parent.

I don’t know about boys, but my friends and I became teenagers (in our behaviour and attitude) from about 10/11.

Can you spend less time with him? Does he do any sports/activities that occupy his evenings? Do you have a hobby that occupies some of your evenings so you get a break from him and your partner can deal with his entitled attitude?

Just build in more time apart and take more time for yourself - he sounds quite draining to be around.

I second this! It was so cheap, about £5 a month and she loved it. It taught her lots of practical skills and quite a few good life lessons.

My now 21 year old used to have this attitude. I was cheap for buying second hand, why didn't we go on long haul holidays every year, why couldn't she do all the (very expensive) one-in-a-lifetime school trips, why couldn't we just buy her all the brands everyone else had at school on demand, why was everything just so shit?! Getting a part time job and working hard for very little and realising the actual cost of things, soon knocked some sense into her! I wouldn't mind but my little treasure had a pony and every fucking time she complained about our supposed tight fistedness, I would just point to the little bugger eating £50 notes in her stable. We were spending plenty of money and plenty on her, it was just never good enough! She drove me crazy but she turned out lovely. Still horse mad as well!

Enrol him in CCF/air cadets! He will soon learn his place in the pecking order hahaha

I personally wouldn't say that this is perfectly normal behaviour for a 12 year old child.

What you as his parent might find 'interesting in conversation' another adult might find a bit annoying and hard work, especially if it is an adult/ teacher who has to consider a number of other 12 year olds. It's a fine line from a cheeky/fun little child to being an annoying teenager!

My children have never been that interested in where i buy ingredients from, but, then i have never involved them in where i'm buying our groceries from. They have choices obviously and get to choose what food, dinners etc they would like (vegetarian kids etc) but, i'm certain they wouldnt be asking or even wondering about where the tin of tomatoes was purchased.

Give him the Waitrose food and then tell him he can't have his new game or other stuff because you spent all the money on Waitrose

This last pint is such a good one. I’ve been at a couple of grown up dinner parties where teens are allowed to hold the floor with their opinions, in broadcast mode, and it’s not good preparation for life.

OP, I feel your pain. My seven year old is exactly the same.

It begins in year 6 OP ..I am part of a parents group and its all we have been talking about for the last 12 months.These kids are bright and savvy,they arent daft and we underestimate them at our peril lol x

The sharing thing is normal. I have one who struggles to share and one who shares willingly. Just keep encouraging/pointing out PS not just his.
Re food try getting him involved in menu planning. I have a weekly planner on fridge which at a weekend I write what is planned for each day's main meal. I ask for ideas etc. But also point out that if they are not keen on 1 days food they will probably prefer the next days and that we all have to eat things that are not our favourite.
With the Asda/Waitrose educate him in budget planning and money. Explain less on food means extra fun money.
Re days out he is on the cusp of being left at home from his age we would say what we were doing and give dc the option to come or not. Think helps then with them feeling they have some control.