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AIBU?

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Original poster

To do this,

32 replies

Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 09:58

Move my kids out of their nice modest family home. Move into council or housing where they would have to share a room.
Possibly give up access to car, no holidays when they are used to 2 a year.
Live off benefits, when they are used to days, meals out every week.
Or stay together as a family in a loveless relationship.

OP posts:
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AlfietheSchnauzer · 24/08/2023 21:02

Motnight · 24/08/2023 10:07

You need to tell us why, Op.

No she doesn't!

Summa23 · 24/08/2023 14:21

SunbedSprinter · 24/08/2023 13:37

"Ok . Of you was going homless route. He would have to write you a letter saying you and the children can't stay there. You will then be put into emgency accommodation."

@Summa23 why would he write a letter saying his children can't live in their home so that they can go and live in some shithole while their mother waits to be handed a council house in about 5 years time?! Fuck me. Raise your standards

I'm telling her how the system works . She asked about council I have told her how it works. If he does not write the letter op will be seen as making herself homeless. Don't shoot me for how the system works. I have Been in temporary accommodation myself its shit

WaitTheNoo · 24/08/2023 14:05

If it's "just" loveless and not abusive or violent then personally I would stay.

I will probably get flamed for this but I think when you're a parent you kind of have to put them first. Living in homeless accommodation and scrimping by on benefits during a CoL crisis because I'd fallen out of love with their father is... to put it bluntly, selfish.

Totally different conversation if there is abuse or no other option of course.

alwaysmovingforwards · 24/08/2023 13:49

savethatkitty · 24/08/2023 10:09

If you can tolerate it, stay where you are for now. Enjoy the modest house, holidays etc. But start hobbies/activities etc just for you, so when the time does arrive you eventually leave, you'll have things to occupy yourself.

So keep the partner in the dark about intention to split in the future and live an enhanced lifestyle under false pretences because it suits... that's some cold and calculating thinking right there.

SunbedSprinter · 24/08/2023 13:37

"Ok . Of you was going homless route. He would have to write you a letter saying you and the children can't stay there. You will then be put into emgency accommodation."

@Summa23 why would he write a letter saying his children can't live in their home so that they can go and live in some shithole while their mother waits to be handed a council house in about 5 years time?! Fuck me. Raise your standards

hylian · 24/08/2023 13:35

Can you say any more about your relationship with your partner? You've said it's not violent but are there other issues - is he controlling, coercive, anything like that? Are you arguing a lot? There are issues between parents which could affect the children much more than sharing a bedroom.

There might be all sorts of reasons to leave the relationship other than actual violence.

If you're muddling along OK but it's just that the spark is gone, that's different.

SunbedSprinter · 24/08/2023 13:34

"If you can tolerate it, stay where you are for now. Enjoy the modest house, holidays etc. But start hobbies/activities etc just for you, so when the time does arrive you eventually leave, you'll have things to occupy yourself."

JFC what is wrong with people on here? Stay for the holidays but take up yoga so you'll have something to do when you leave? 🙄

How about get a job, work hard and provide a nice life for the children you've chosen to have rather than fucking about taking up hobbies

Indigo247 · 24/08/2023 13:33

Why are your aspirations so low and why do you think the world owes you anything? Did you think any of this through before deciding to bring another child into the world?

Nannyfannybanny · 24/08/2023 13:30

Even in my case, violence ExH tried to kill me,I had to spend a year in emergency accommodation, before being housed with 2 young kids. My youngest DD lived in the town where she was born, single parent private renting,was on council housing list 10 years, offered nothing.

Summa23 · 24/08/2023 13:27

Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 13:08

Wow 2-5 years 🙈

Much longer depending on where you are

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/08/2023 13:24

I don't think you'd qualify for a council house or at least not be high on the list.

RantyAnty · 24/08/2023 13:11

How many DC and ages?
Do you have any qualifications?

Curseofthenation · 24/08/2023 13:11

I would probably stick it out in a loveless (but safe) marriage until I had returned to work. I would also look at career training/courses while on mat leave. I'm not saying that you should start any training with a newborn but exit with a strategy.

Stompythedinosaur · 24/08/2023 13:08

If it's loveless but not abusive, I'd probably stay for the foreseeable and plan an exit when it is more practical.

I don't think you'll get a council house, you might get a single room BnB type accommodation.

Have you used the Entitled To app to look at what benefits you'd get?

Original poster
Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 13:08

Wow 2-5 years 🙈

OP posts:
Summa23 · 24/08/2023 13:01

Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 12:28

@Summa23

Ok . Of you was going homless route. He would have to write you a letter saying you and the children can't stay there. You will then be put into emgency accommodation. During this time they look into your situation and decide if they owe you a duty. If they do you will then be able to bid on property's. But they can also help you to find private rent . And it can take many many years to gry housed via the council/social housing.

Namechange62846 · 24/08/2023 12:29

You won't get a council house for a minimum of 2-5 years from homeless.

But YANBU to remove them from a loveless household - you'll just have to find an alternative housing option.

Original poster
Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 12:28

@Summa23

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 12:26

He owns the home so I would leave @Summa23

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 24/08/2023 11:07

I think we need more details to be able to try to advise.

Summa23 · 24/08/2023 10:49

Nothing is clear . It the home your in now owned, mortgage, rented. If you separate if you would be the main parent can you stay in the house and he move out?

Original poster
Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 10:35

No violence

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitseptember · 24/08/2023 10:34

I'd have to give then up I own nothing & unmarried, I am pregnant , due soon and will return to work once baby is old enough.
But will only be on low income and rent is so high.

OP posts:
Summa23 · 24/08/2023 10:19

Are you fleeing domestic violence and would have to give up them things if you left?

SantaBarbaraMonica · 24/08/2023 10:17

A loveless marriage can be wide ranges of a spectrum. We need more info. Does his treatment of you damage you? Or could you live in the marriage but use your freedom to get on with life on your own terms?