Just don’t know how I am going to get to Sunday without exploding

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are allowed to have a nice holiday too.

My mother is like this. She begins talking even before she’s entered a room and is still talking as she shuts her bedroom door at night.

I stayed with her recently (I live overseas) and I’d forgotten how much it fries my brain. I adjust but the first day and night is an onslaught. Easier, though, to tell a mother than a mother in law to “please shush for a bit!” DH should step into bat for you here.

Can you book an excursion alone and escape for a day? Leave your Dh to handle her

This is definitely a husband problem and I think some marriage counseling would be helpful. We all have different needs and ways of recharging on vacation. Your husband needs to learn how to put your needs before MIL’s wants. He needs to learn that your boundaries need to be enforced, even if his are more lax. His relatives are his responsibility to communicate with and enforce boundaries too. He needs to have your back without throwing you under the bus.

I would say something like “I’m glad your parents enjoyed the vacation, but I need you to understand that I didn’t. We need to go to counseling so we can learn to better communicate with each other and make sure we are meeting each other’s needs first. I’m not saying that I will never vacation with your relatives again, but until we can establish boundaries for our nuclear family and maintain them, travel with extended family is off the table”.

I don’t know how often you see the in-laws, but I would take a time out from them. Take some time to work on your marriage and get your husband to understand how badly he failed you and do the work to fix it so it doesn’t happen again. Don’t announce it to the in-laws, just be busy (hopefully working on communicating and enforcing boundaries). Once you are a cohesive team with your husband, you can resume contact, with appropriate boundaries in place.

You have a really nasty disrespectful husband.

I hope you are beginning to realise that and see the true dynamics at play.

I can't believe they came trooping into your bedroom and sat down to have coffee while you were clearly trying to sleep - that's so rude and inconsiderate and shows their complete lack of boundaries. Anyone with an ounce of manners would apologise for waking you and arrange to meet later. As for your 'D'H, well I can see where he gets his lack of manners from, but bloody hell!!

One holiday with pil never repeated!

DH said to her today I think R wants to read mum but she just started up again five minutes later. If I sit in another part of pool ‘for the shade’ she moves next to me.

Your DH should have had your back here and taken her off to talk to her so you didn’t have to!

There right to a great holiday does not outweigh yours op. Try remember that!

I think you need to get your DH to joint counselling. If he can’t see that his behaviour is wrong, someone else needs to help you help him see sense. It’s not just about the holiday, it’s about him having your back at all times and his loyalties.

I definitely think that you will have to have a conversation with your DH when you get home today. I do hope that you're doing ok, but use this as the line in the sand where you won't be going on holidays or even visiting and staying with inlaws for any significant time again. The maximum you'll do is 2 nights/3 days.

We had this with my PILs. Shared a house and regretted it every year for a few years. In the end we decided to go to the same area but rent separate houses a couple of villages apart. At first my MIL text us constantly asking when/where we were meeting up every day which was annoying. We tried to compromise and said we'll do something together every other day and the other days will be just us. She did understand in the end and we have a nice balance now. She's lovely in small doses and she means well so we are glad we've found a working solution. It's better to compromise than just cut people out of your life with all the hurt and pain that causes.

Could not

This is not so much about the in laws now, but the way your dh as total disregard for you. Your comfort and well being seem completely irrelevant to him.

This issue is far bigger than a rubbish holiday with your in laws. You have a dh that completely disregards your needs.does not value your wishes and dismisses your boundaries with indifference.

The holiday has highlighted the deep issues within your marriage. I could stay with a man that cared so little for me, and prioritised his mother’ entertainment requirements over all else.

Send dh back with his dps. Since his loyalty is obviously to them.

OP, your husband is awful.

So disrespectful of you.

Have a look at your marriage because I couldn't look at a man as selfish as yours.

He has shown zero regard or consideration for you.

Don't move on from this.

I wouldn't want to be around him or his parents.

Step back from your involvement with them.

I would be absolutely furious.

You need to be firm with the boundaries (totally understand that’s difficult on holiday to have a proper conversation about it without ruining the holiday for the kids).

When you get back, make it absolutely clear you will NEVER be going on holiday with his parents. Refuse to even book one if he suggests them going and make it clear he keeps the plans to himself. If he wishes to go away with them, perhaps he takes the kids on a weekend away with them and you can have a break? He needs to listen.

He basically invited his parents in for coffee in the bedroom.

He's the problem as much as his mum is

OP

This needs to be a line in the sand for you with DH. You need to have a serious come to god conversation when you get back. Basically you didn't get to have a holiday.
You need to be able to take a weekend or longer away yourself, he can stay home with the kids.
And since he didn't have your back with his parents this time, you're now exempted from visiting them , hosting them - forever or as long as you want.

Oh goodness. This has brought back memories of my last holiday with then MIL and XH... In 2011 we took MIL on holiday, UK seaside, holiday cottage. XH and I had been having problems, to put it mildly. I suggested that XH, MIL and DD go on holiday alone. I was guilted into going with them as XH didn't want to be alone with 'that woman'. Lovely. I ignored my better judgement, and went. It didn't cause my divorce, but it certainly hastened it along. Under another user name I was kept sane just about on the right side of sanity by the good women of MN. MIL, far from being grateful, was a PITA all week. Endless talking, refusing to give DH and I any space, and MIL and DH kind of ganged up on me. I did the best I could through gritted teeth and the heavy use of the Coffee Dog machine. On the return journey, which was looooong, I was certain that this was the end. It was. Memories of diabetic XH laying on the sofa complaining after ingesting truckloads of pizza and getting sympathy from MIL. WTF?! Anyhoo, I'm not saying this kind of thing causes divorce, but I should have heeded my instinct not to go, and I would be very wary of doing similar again. These days I don't have a MIL, and the current Mr Sponge is much more relaxed about both holidays, and life in general.
I'm glad you turned it round @Holidaynervousbreakdown and am sure that you'll consider it long and hard before you do this again. Tis a poor reward, when you've tried to do a kind thing

I'm glad you had a good day, OP.

It seems that your MIL is fond of you, and wants to spend time with you. But her constant chatter and relentless pursuit of your company would exhaust anyone - even if you're normally fond of her.

However, I don't see why your husband isn't able to steer MIL away from you if he knows you're fed up with her constant chattering and her insistence on accompanying you to places like the shop, when you'd rather be on your own. Why isn't your husband spending one-to-one time with his mother, giving her someone to chat with and at the same time giving you some peace and quiet?

Mumsnet power has worked again!! So glad you're starting to relax 😊

So am I. Inviting people on holiday with you does not mean you need to spend 24/7 together and put up with constantly being talked at. It's very draining and this is after all a holiday so everyone should be accommodated for their own needs. Yes it would be totally off if OP just buggered off with her family each and every day but this is not what we are talking about, it's about getting a few hours peace a day.

I go on holiday every year with a friend and have done for about 25 years. We get on very well and can both talk the hindlegs off a donkey, but inevitably we go our separate ways for a few hours most days. I like reading my book (she doesn't read much) so I will read and she will perhaps go off to the shops or go and talk to someone else at the pool, cook some lunch or watch the racing on the telly (I hate racing or watching sport).

You do not have to be attached to them every minute of the day.