Are threesomes normal

I’ve had a threesome.

And I’ve never cheated.

so no, not necessarily a red flag IMO.

the question about enjoyment / ex accusing him of cheating… doesn’t sound like it was a good / happy relationship.

Maybe that was up to him. Of it was up to her or they simply weren’t a good, which wouldn’t be red flags either.

I had one once whilst I was young, free, and single as a bit of fun, as did a few friends. This was when I was travelling and casual sex was very normal. I couldn’t imagine having one with my long-term partner. I don’t want to share him! I really enjoyed it, but it was a one time thing and I’ve no desire to do it again.

I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s a warning sign unless it’s something he regularly fantasises about or watches excessive threesome porn.

I think people are just more free now in terms of trying out things sexually. My ex had had a threesome with his ex wife and NEVER wanted to do it again 🤣 I was open to different things but obviously that was something he didn’t want to go through again. Apparently it was awkward as fuck.

This is so Mumsnet.

Next we'll get Nancy Mitford's take on threesomes.

Seriously

That suggests his ex wasn't really into it, and was possibly coerced. I wonder if he suggested it as a way to try and sorted their relationship problems out....? Honestly, I think this isn't the right bloke for you, you need to be far more assertive and far less questioning 'is this normal'. I'd suggest you still need some boundary work.

I don't really think the word 'normal' is at all helpful here, because while I don't think there's anything wrong with threesomes (I've never had one and wouldn't want one, really, but I wouldn't be shocked if someone told me they'd had one) I think that calling it 'normal' paves the way for people to accuse their partners of being uptight or boring or not-normal if they say no to it.

I don't think threesomes are a niche sexual activity, but I also think most people have never had one, if that makes sense?

As with anything, the key thing is consent and that everyone's really into it. It's definitely one that everyone needs to be enthusiastic about rather than just doing it to keep their partner happy.

I don't think it's a red flag at all that he's had a threesome. I might question why he felt the need to tell you about it, though. You haven't been seeing each for very long and to me, that feels like either over-sharing (I would not want to know what my partner had done in bed with their ex tbh) or an attempt to gauge your reaction so he can assess whether to start suggesting it as something he wants to do with you. However, only you know what the context of the conversation was like, so I could be way off the mark.

I wouldn’t see this as a red flag then as he was just answering your question honestly.

I think it’s not necessarily a red flag, I think it’s important how he views it though.

This is the sort of thing that falls into 1 of 2 categories:

1. Once in a lifetime experience/bucket list kind of thing

2. Experimental leading to possible kink type thing

Nothing particularly wrong with either of the above, lots of people experiment and lots of people do something only once to just sort of tick it off the list. If you’ve made it clear it’s not something you would ever be into and he’s clear that it’s not something he would want you to indulge in or feel deprived of if you didn’t then I wouldn’t be too bothered.

They aren't the norm no, most people don't have them.

It's probably normal for some. But it wouldn't be something I would want to do, so I would probably be a bit concerned this was something this guy was into and would expect from me later on. I would have to ask a few more questions on that. It's not really a matter of it being a red flag or abnormal, more just about being on the same page sexually.

No Idea if they are common but I would rather than clean under the fridge thank have one and if dh was into them he would have to organise it first so all good here I presume

Be happy on your own first may help

Love it.

Class really is the cornerstone of mumsnet!

Not a red flag. I haven't had a 3 some but I don't think they are exactly unheard of.

It doesn't sound like he is trying to press you into one, so it's just something he tried in his past.

Well, that's a more amusing contribution to the endless 'Am I middle-class, and if so, which bit of the middle class?' threads...

I may be cynical but it sounds like he’s testing the waters to see your reaction to this information. I’d take it as he’d quite like another threesome and is casually mentioning it to see if you are appalled or not. Put it this way, if he’d had a threesome and decided it wasn’t for him he probably wouldn’t have mentioned it at all. I wouldn’t…

As PPs have said the threesome in itself is not a red flag but I would question why he told you about it and how that conversation came about.

I’m not sure I’ve ever discussed the sex I’ve had with an ex to a new partner.

Most people don’t have threesomes but they’re not uncommon, either to try and spice a relationship up (which rarely works) or just when you’re young and adventurous.

It very much depends on the person and their preferences and boundaries.

Personally, I never have, never would, and I would have really struggled if my husband had had one in the past. It isn't something I am remotely interested in, sex to me is about a loving connection between two people.

But... some people may see my view as prudish and find threesomes are a fun, natural part of their sex life. And that's OK too.

Either is fine, you just need to decide on YOUR boundaries and don't compromise from them.

More common in upper middle class relationships. Less common in lower middle.

I don’t really know anyone who has had one. BUT the most important thing is whether you think he might be into them in general and would want one again in future, and if so, would you want to do it? There’s no right or wrong and no one can tell you if this makes him any more or less likely to cheat sadly!

I wouldn't consider it a "red flag" as such.
On it's own I wouldn't assume it makes someone a cheater or a closet gay (eg of he wants threesome with another man- he may just want to watch you enjoy yourself).

But in combination with other behaviours such as excessive porn use, kinks, regular misogynistic or lewd comments or a basic disregard for your feelings, I might see it as a red flag.
I'd consider everything in a wider context.

Very normal in my circle but most of us aren't married!

A lot of people have threesomes on the to do list. I’ve done a few and they were always pretty meh
it’s a whole porn hub category soooo I think mainly men feel they should have done it.