Are threesomes normal

I'm dying, only on Mumsnet can threesomes get turned into a class signifier 🤣🤣🤣

Same.

I had two threesomes in my late teens. MMF so then weren't casual observers. It was fun at the time but I wouldn't do it again and I certainly wouldn't do it in a relationship. They were friends of mine at a time when we were all fairly sexually casual 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've fantasised about them but never had one and never been in a relationship where it was on the table.

I lean vanilla sexually in practice but it doesn't bother me :)

Gotcha. That makes sense for you, but as I'm very much only attracted to men, that's probably why I assume I'd end up getting left out of a threesome that involved another woman as well as a man. Clearly I need a threesome in which both other people are men....

I agree! I'm just sharing my experience.

I prefer sex with women, so for me I was perfectly happy with the situation as it unfolded.
It was impromptu in both cases, and I had no expectations.

Well, surely that depends on whether the threesome consists of two women and a man, or two men and a woman? I would have zero interest in having sex with another woman so a man could watch. That's not the point of a threesome at all as far as I'm concerned!

I've had two threesomes, both in my teens. There is an idea that men benefit the most but in my limited experience the man is more of an observer.

I don't want another one. I would never want to share my partner.

This was very harmless fun. Nothing to right home about, but no shame in doing it.

@Tomhanksismine

yes. I believe you. Thanks.

I hand on heart can tell you that what you have with your partner will be better than any past threesome he had. Sex when in love is completely different to a silly threesome that is nothing like you see in the movies. I could happily live not ever having those experiences. I hope this helps x

@Deathbyfluffy

Ah…really? Like really really?
I can believe you don’t want to make it a reality if you have a serious partner for all sorts of emotional and pragmatic reasons. But surely most men fantasise about it?

Given the context, I wouldnt be concerned at all - it comes off more like taking the opportunity to be open or, forgive the phrasing "own up" at the start than have it come out after a few years when you might then wonder why he "hid" the information.

@Tomhanksismine

thanks! Interesting. I am very old now but wouldn’t have totally counted one out if circumstances had arisen. But it never did and it’s not something I feel I have missed out on. My partner has had them and also some other experiences I haven’t. I think it always makes the other partner wonder if they look back on wilder times with rose coloured specs. Really interesting to hear you never think about it unless mentioned. He would say the same. I struggle to understand that sometimes and worry he finds out monogamous vanilla(Ish 😂) sex life boring.

So I'm in my early thirties now.

I dont regret it because I wasn't in a serious relationship when they took place and it was just a bit of experimental fun. They weren't planned and both times inhibitions were lowered with alcohol! Also they were with a close friend so we were both comfortable.

I genuinely NEVER think back to it unless threesomes are mentioned.

I however would definitely NOT do it when feelings are involved, someone will end up hurt. Hell would freeze over before I shared my current partner 😂

That's hilarious

Just out of interest how old are you now? Do you regret it? Do you think of it as just an event? Genuinely interested as I've never had one but my partner has and sometimes it worries me.

I know the ex wife of a chap who proposed a threesome. Hi wife ran off with (and married) the other woman. He's not best pleased.

Nor to you maybe!

I don't think you'd necessarily know who has had a threesome or not, because as someone has mentioned, you're not likely to hear them mentioning it in the office on Monday morning.

I did meet my then boyfriend's cousin for the first time unexpectedly at a swingers party, mind you... they don't teach you the vocab for that in language classes. (They were German. We were in Germany.)

I think it's a very common fantasy, but not everyone enacts it. There's a big risk of it becoming a pair and a spare. Also, if you go jnto it as a partnership (rather than 3 singles,) you would need to be sure you're both on the same page, two women and a man, or two men and a woman. I've been surprised at how many men on OLD have asked me if I'd be up for a threesome with another man; I had assumed most men dreamed about FFM. They can sort out their own matchmaking. You also both need to fancy the other person involved. (I suppose technically you don't, but I don't recommend sex with someone you don't fancy.)

There can be enough difficulties in just a 1:1 relationship- it's even more complex with a third person, and it's rarely equal - usually one person is more into it, especially in an established relationship, and it can take a strong relationship to raise any misgivings. I think all these reasons feed into why far more people fantasise about it than make it reality.

But it wouldn't matter if everyone else in the world are having threesomes (they're not.) You're still allowed to have a hard no on it. I think it's fine to discuss it, but any hint of pressure is a red flag.

I wouldn't say it's the norm to have threesomes within a relationship, but I also wouldn't say that anyone who does is somehow not 'normal' either. One person's normal might be another person's crazy and another person's normal might be a different person's dull and boring. You have to decide what you are ok with, and, importantly, that nobody feels pressured into doing anything they don't feel comfortable with (at any point).

See, I always imagine I'd be the one left neglected on the edge of the bed, while the other two were rolling about clawing one another's backs etc etc.

Optimistic, me.

I always think "at least there'd be someone to make the tea".

Hold on, not sure why people are leaping to the conclusion that because his wife got jealous and thought he enjoyed the interaction more with the neighbour than her that means she was coerced.
How about, they both wanted to try it, they did, and his wife discovered she got jealous and read so letting into it that wasn't there. Or, maybe was there, as they were having problems - STILL DOESNT MEAN HE COERCED HER THOUGH.
Kudos to the people on this thread going 'it's not for me, but takes all sorts'
And to the people going 'I'd think there's something wrong/it's really unusual how can you possibly know anyone whose had a threesome/not the sign of a loving person' - if you don't want to do it, that's fine! But casting ill-informed judgement on other people....wow.

whatwhatinthebutt I’m so sorry you went through that.

I think reading threads like these where people normalise threesomes can put some people, who aren’t confident enough in themselves, to agree.
Threesomes are not a normal part of a relationship despite what you might read to the contrary. They are being seen as normal because the porn industry normalises them.9
Some people engage in them if both parties agree but for the most part, one partner seems to to along with it to keep the other happy.
Stay true to your own boundaries.
OP your partner wants more, she/he isn’t the right partner for you.

Man here - and I couldn't think of anything worse. It just doesn't appeal to me at all

Thank you.