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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be offended by this?!

84 replies

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 08:41

I went out on a girls night with some friends and made more of an effort than I usually do. I was feeling quite good in myself which is rare these days. The girls I went out with are very into taking constant photos every time we go out which I don't mind as such but do feel is a bit ott and I don't always feel like I want my picture taken but I obliged them when they asked as I felt I looked good.
I've just seen my friend has posted several of the pictures from the night and she's put a filter on my picture that I believe is supposed to make me look younger but honestly makes me look like some sort of AI 12 year old and is noticeably fake. I'm 35 and I'm in decent nick (I thought!). It's really hurt my feelings as she hasn't done this on any of her other photos either of herself or other friends and it feels like a dig. She is quite image conscious as she is on the larger side and I can't imagine her taking kindly to me posting a picture with a slimming filter used only on her. AIBU to be offended?

OP posts:

MisschiefMaker · 21/08/2023 16:44

pontipinemum · 21/08/2023 11:02

She might not be lying about the camera having done it. I've taken some strange photos by accident by hitting different settings.

Honestly I feel this is the most likely explanation.

ManateeFair · 21/08/2023 15:28

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 10:27

OK so she's just responded, "lol, there wasn't a filter, it's just the way my camera took it 🤷‍♀️"
This is a blatant lie. I almost look a different race and it's airbrushed beyond all recognition. None of the pictures on her page look like this. I feel like I'm being gaslit, what do I do here?!

@Justanotherdobby

I think I might have an idea of what's happened here.

On some phones (including mine), when you go to take a photo, different settings appear on screen and they are very easy to select them without noticing you've done it. On my iPhone for example if you're taking picture of a person it's very easy to accidentally touch the 'contour light' setting on the screen which results in a very airbrushed looking picture. I've done that by accident loads of times. It is a filter, but it's not a filter that's applied to the picture afterwards; it happens as you take the photo. Loads of people take pictures without even realising they've used that setting.

Obviously no idea what phone your mate uses but many phones have similar functions built into the camera. I'm pretty sure this is why she's claiming she hasn't filtered the picture and is telling you the camera just took it like that. She probably didn't do it on purpose and may not even realise!

Childhoodisnkthebesttime · 21/08/2023 14:55

What a cowbag! I would post a picture turning underneath, with the tag " spot the difference" 😂

Sashimiandhisthunderpaws · 21/08/2023 14:55

@Callipygion best response yet.
😂😂😂

HairsprayBabe · 21/08/2023 14:42

@washingmachineslivelongerwithcalgon you can stand up for yourself through your actions of no longer engaging with the person.
Removing yourself from the situation is just as valid as having a massive row
some people don't like confrontation or drama.

@Justanotherdobby if you no longer find her friendship enjoyable end it. You can have a discussion with her or your can just end contact with her.

ItLooksLikeChickenSoItMustBeChicken · 21/08/2023 14:23

This woman isn't a friend, she's a bitch. Tell her to delete the photos. If she doesn't, perhaps be just as bitchy and put a filter on them to make her look slim. Whatever you do, I wouldn't continue with the "friendship"

Original poster

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 14:20

@Itsnotrightbutitsok I created the thread to get an unbiased sense check for whether I was overthinking things and have been pleasantly surprised to see that mostly others understand where I'm coming from. I have not once been rude about her, I have given examples of her behaviour and how it has made me feel, which I'm entitled to do.

OP posts:

Callipygion · 21/08/2023 14:16

I’d reply to the comment she hadn’t filtered it: “Yeah, right. You’ve made me look about 12 and you look like my mother!”
That’ll piss her off 🤣🤣

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 14:15

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:37

@Fallingthroughclouds It's totally fine to think I'm overthinking it, perhaps I am. There has been some weird behaviour from her towards me that has made me think there is some negative intent here.

Then don’t be friends with her.

You have started a thread being rude about her.

Some MNers love a good bitch and you wanted to create a thread doing just that.

Just step away from the friendship and then you won’t have to worry about photos being posted.

Frydaycryday · 21/08/2023 14:12

In her defence my camera on my phone does this. It's got an automatic filter it seems, I could probably turn it off but I quite enjoy looking 18. But if I click portrait rather than photo it only homes in on one person. Thought it was a glitch in my phone, but maybe it's a known thing

yellowsmileyface · 21/08/2023 14:05

Ignore the users who are being pedantic. Of course there's a big difference between posting selfies on IG and on MN. Of course it would be very silly to post the photos here. They're just being nosy and finding reasons to justify it.

Disturbia81 · 21/08/2023 14:04

tillytoodles1 · 21/08/2023 13:53

I read that filtering photos is not a good thing if you go missing no-one will know what you really look like.

I've seen this on lots of missing people posts on fb.. women usually. I always think why not use a normal one and realise they don't have any.

Fallingthroughclouds · 21/08/2023 13:58

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:37

@Fallingthroughclouds It's totally fine to think I'm overthinking it, perhaps I am. There has been some weird behaviour from her towards me that has made me think there is some negative intent here.

I hope the positives of having her as a friend out weigh the negatives and this blows over.

tillytoodles1 · 21/08/2023 13:53

I read that filtering photos is not a good thing if you go missing no-one will know what you really look like.

Original poster

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:43

@Itsnotrightbutitsok

"If you think that your photo is somehow secret or protected because it’s on IG then I have some news for you 🤣"
I didn't say this or even imply it?!

"So you think your friend is jealous of you because she posted a photo which made you look good."

I wasn't the first person to mention jealousy and the point is that I don't look good in the photo.

"You also thinks she being manipulative because she said there’s not a filter."

The filter is undeniable. The fact she's denying it is very weird yes. Noone said manipulative.

"You won’t post the photo for MNers to judge whether it has a filter or not because you don’t want it on the internet, even though it’s already on here.

I stand by my earlier comment that you sound like you love the drama."

You think because I don't want to put a photo of myself that I didn't take or even really want to pose for on an anonymous website and therefore attract more attention that I love drama?!

I'll stand by my original comment too: you are a big weirdo and not very good at comprehension!

OP posts:

Original poster

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:37

@Fallingthroughclouds It's totally fine to think I'm overthinking it, perhaps I am. There has been some weird behaviour from her towards me that has made me think there is some negative intent here.

OP posts:

peachgreen · 21/08/2023 13:29

My camera has a setting that does that. It’s very annoying when I accidentally switch to it (which happens easily and often!). She could be telling the truth.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 13:29

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:21

@Itsnotrightbutitsok Lol, there's quite a big difference between a picture being posted on a friends IG and posting on here?! I'm not sure if you're deliberately being obtuse or just really want to see my picture for some reason but its not happening you big weirdo 🤣 I have to say some of the reactions on this thread have really tickled me and I'm no longer upset so thanks for that!

Show quote history

If you think that your photo is somehow secret or protected because it’s on IG then I have some news for you 🤣

So you think your friend is jealous of you because she posted a photo which made you look good.

You also thinks she being manipulative because she said there’s not a filter.

You won’t post the photo for MNers to judge whether it has a filter or not because you don’t want it on the internet, even though it’s already on here.

I stand by my earlier comment that you sound like you love the drama.

If you don’t like this woman then stop being friends with her. Simple.

Fallingthroughclouds · 21/08/2023 13:28

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 11:58

I think you’re being ridiculously dramatic!

Its a picture in which you think she’s changed to make you look nicer - how can you possible take offence to that.

I would understand if she put a filter con to make you look worse or didn’t put a photo of you up at all.

Chances are the photo she took of you didn’t look nice but she still wanted to post you so she spruced it up a bit or as she said it was just her phone/lighting that made you look younger and she didn’t re-touch it at all.

We seem to be the only ones, so I wouldn't worry about it, but I also think that you are over thinking it. It's just one photo, she obviously likes you and wants you included in the group. I might think it was a bit weird, but then I'd just move on.

Original poster

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:24

"I don’t understand why you’d think she’d be jealous of you but the post a photo that is designed to make you look better."
Ok, this is the point you keep missing. Noone in their right mind could possibly think the picture makes me look better. It looks decidedly odd and clearly not real/human. In the examples you've given the woman looks human in all the pictures, that's not what's happened here!

OP posts:

Original poster

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:21

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 13:12

But it’s already on the internet?!

Sorry OP but we can’t possibly say if you’re BU or not when we can’t even tell the difference between the 2 pics.

Show quote history

OP posts:

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 13:20

One in different lighting.
It looks filtered but it’s not.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 13:18

Lots of cameras will also adjust to the light and have automatic blemish correctors etc.

These 2 examples are the same photo but just taken in slightly different lighting or angles.

You can take 2 photos and look very different depending on the angle snd lighting.

I don’t understand why you’d think she’d be jealous of you but the post a photo that is designed to make you look better.

Original poster

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 13:17

@yellowsmileyface Hmm I think it's unlikely to be the age thing, she has way more energy than me and is much more social whereas I'm a bit of a hermit troll haha! I may have possibly upset the group dynamic a bit, ah there's so many politics with female friendships, this is why I don't go out 🤣

OP posts:

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 13:12

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 12:36

@Itsnotrightbutitsok I'm not bothered about being made but I don't want random pictures of me on the Internet 🤣

But it’s already on the internet?!

Sorry OP but we can’t possibly say if you’re BU or not when we can’t even tell the difference between the 2 pics.

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