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AIBU?

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Original poster

Debt

30 replies

Mummy2223 · 20/08/2023 18:56

Hello
I posted a few weeks ago but again just want to check in. So my husband has been using credit cards he racked up 15 000 or so he said ( I know it be more now). He said it had gone on us and the children. He needed it whilst I was on maternity leave I Paid my share of the bills for 6 months and gave him all my statuary pay for the other 3 so we only had 3 months without. We got married during this time but I did contribute some towards this and checked in all the time about money for this he said it was fine, he has his own business so his income fluctuates to what he can take. I had no idea this amount was on credit cards. This wouldn't of totalled the £15,000 anyway. We borrowed £5 000 from my mum which I thought was for the wedding and that to my knowledge was it as we had paid most bits prior. This ended up on numerous cards with silly rates and he said it was me too and that he isnstuck with all this and it was spent on me. I consolidated them all into a loan in my name. Lower interest rate and share the monthly payments now.

I found out a few weeks ago after making it clear I wanted no more debt that he has since I consolidated at Christmas got another £20,000 possibly more this is loans and credit cards. I have asked so many times if he has anymore. He had more when I consolidated and lied saying that was it. He took a loan out 6 weeks after me consolidating he is now saying again its gone on bills ( I am back working so pay to the bills and kids). I have now separated and he is saying I am pathetic to want a divorce over this and no one else would that I spend all night thinking it over and coming up with different things in my head to what is true and that I only see it as black and white.

Am I right? I can't work out if I am over reacting I feel so confused as he seems to make me feel bad like this is my fault.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummy2223 · 20/08/2023 19:30

BLT24 · 20/08/2023 19:00

Go through the credit and bank statements and get an exact understanding of what this has been spent on.

How can money be spent on you and the kids and you not know about it, why do you not know the exact income/outgoings?

Thank you for your reply. We do not have joint bank accounts. I have all the bills in my name and he transfers so much in a week for his share and I do the same. Apart from that it's all seperate. I ask when I need half of the money for the kids. He goes out a lot drinking and socialing where I stay with the kids and would nuchal rather take them on days out and buy them clothes than me.

OP posts:
GOODCAT · 20/08/2023 19:05

Definitely stay separated. It isn't normal to have so much unsecured debt run up without you both knowing about it and understanding where it came from. He hasn't come clean or shown remorse. Get out sooner rather than later. Some things are unforgivable.

EltaninAntenna · 20/08/2023 19:04

If he can’t be honest with you now, this will be a never ending cycle of events throughout your life.

You are not pathetic. You have sensibly protected yourself and your children.

I’m sorry you went through this in the first place but onwards and upwards. Starting again seems so daunting and you do understandably sometimes doubt your decision.

In reality and with the benefit of a bit of time to see clearly? The best decision you will probably ever make.

Dolallytats · 20/08/2023 19:02

Debt is a fact of life for most people. Lying about it, hiding it and getting into even more debt is not.
I wouldn't trust that it has gone on bills either. Unless you want this to be your life, I think your decision to separate was the only one available to you.
And I say this as someone who has about £13,000 in debt, but who's husband knows about every single bit of it and why it came about.

BLT24 · 20/08/2023 19:00

Go through the credit and bank statements and get an exact understanding of what this has been spent on.

How can money be spent on you and the kids and you not know about it, why do you not know the exact income/outgoings?