Am I an abnormal mother?

I’ve just waved my older teens off for 5 days away with their Dad, and I’m chuffed. No one to worry about other than me, oh and the cat.

Now the cat is a different story, I love her too much and would pine if she went away for 5 days 😳😂

Not abnormal, a lovely relaxed mum!

Not abnormal no. Teenagers are hard work with very little reward.
I've never had mine taken on holiday. I had 1 night off once but had to work and another 2 night break but that was not alone.
So very little 'me' time in the 18 years I've been a mum and I highly suspect I'd feel exactly like you

Mine are all pre school aged so this is so far off for me. I had such an emotional reaction to your description of coming home to a clean house.

I lived alone for a year before I was married- my god did I love it. I loved having everything just so. Coming home to everything where I left it. Cleaning up after only myself. I did laundry once a fortnight. Would prepare meals and snacks for myself and they would still be there when I opened the fridge. No Lego or cheerios on the floor. No pairing a million socks.

It's really nice to read your post and realise that my life might give me all that again one day!

Nope, not at all. I co parent my dc and when they are with their dad I thoroughly enjoy my alone time.
I know they're safe and happy there, usually get daily updates and am pleased to see them when they get back but no, enjoying the freedom, safe in the knowledge that they are happy elsewhere is completely normal I think.

Not abnormal at all OP,enjoy your well deserved break!

We've gone from a household of 7(we have 5DC)to a household of 3,our 4 oldest all have they're own places now so there's only me,DH and DD15 and on bad days(when everyone was still at home)I couldn't wait for the house to be a bit quieter and calmer and I did enjoy it but now I get times where I'd give anything to go back to when they were all little, I'm pre menopausal and I swear it's got to be to do with that.

So enjoy your break whilst you can and then once they're back make a change get the teenagers to help out more and if you can think about booking yourself into a hotel now and again,it needn't be expensive or for along time but even a night in a premier Inn where you don't have to cook or clean can be a nice break from the usual.

Good for you OP. Enjoy it

That is because its a discussion forum.
Nothing more in it than that.

OK I'll rephrase it, "I knew someone would feel the need to respond to my comment" and "in my experience, it isn't normal." :)

Sounds like you are normal and need more time to yourself? Or your own hoildays?
Can dad not take them on more frequent basis.
I love holidays when your routine and responsibilities are only yourself, all Mums deserve that.

I dont see anyone Jumping on you at all.
I did say, that depends. Didnt i?
Whereas you are the one that said its not normal
It is.

My DH always takes our children away without me (for various reasons) and I love it! He takes them away about twice a year and this has been going on since our eldest was about 3 years old. We have two children aged 6 and 9.

I do miss them when they’re away……but oh god, the benefits certainly outweigh the negatives.

They’ve just been away for 3 weeks and I will admit that as the date of their return was nearing I was feeling a bit disappointed about the freedom and peace I would no longer have.

However,when they came back I was so, so happy to see them!

I think it’s completely normal to enjoy your own time and space and regards to how you feel about them coming back, the difference with me is that I’m not a single parent with teenagers so I can only imagine the challenges that would come with that, so I’m certainly not going to sit in judgement about the feelings you are having about their return.

You aren’t abnormal at all, you are just having a natural reaction to being faced with the return of a life that you may find challenging.

Don't have stats on what's normal and abnormal but I have always been glad to have breaks from my children. I am so looking forward to my youngest growing up and leaving, I am soooo tired of teenage drama.

I always say to mine I can't miss you if you don't leave!

I love my 4 dearly but I really look forward to the times they're all out at the same time. Our eldest is off to uni and will be staying in uni accommodation. Yes I'll miss him. Yes I'll worry about him but I'll also enjoy the extra space and less washing! When they're staying with family I like not sitting/standing in wee when I go to the bathroom through the night.

Our youngest is 8m so it's very rare I've an empty house. He spent the day with my sil yesterday so I could have a rest as things have been crap lately and our 16yr old decided that was the day he wanted to lounge in the front room with me. I was irrationally annoyed by this 🫣

My youngest has a severe disability, has driven me to a breakdown, I still look forward to being around him when I haven't seen him for a while.

Anyway, I knew someone would jump on me for giving my opinion. I didn't insult anyone, everyone is different and that's OK, isn't it?

I absolutely agree with you. In the very Tara occasion all mine are out of the house I absolutely revel in it. The teenage years have been very hard for me whist I loved the baby, toddler and young child stages. With teenagers I feel like I want to gauge my own eyes out with a teaspoon some days.

Well now that depends doesnt it.
My youngest was EXTREMELY challenging and her going anywhere meant I got a break and there were days I dreaded her coming back. The tension and upset was awful. She never knew i dreaded it though. Im perfectly normal and we have a really really close relationship now. I adore her just as i did when she was going through her tough times. Its normal to dread tension and upset in the house.

I think it's normal to enjoy being a separate entity to your kids but not to actively 'dread' seeing them.

Thank you for this thread! I'm a single parent to 3 and feel the same if I get any (very rare) time to myself. I assumed it meant I shouldn't have had kids and meant I was a shit mum. So nice to know others have the same

I absolutely get you OP! DD14 has been away since early Fri afternoon & isn’t back til about 9 tonight & it’s been absolute bliss! I love her dearly but a lot of the time I don’t like her as her behaviour is so challenging. We are all being supported by the mental health team. The whole atmosphere in the house changes when DD is here & we sometimes feel we’re walking on eggshells

I used to love it when mine went away. I relished the peace, the freedom, the lack of mess.
It doesn't make anyone a bad parent.....just a slightly stressed parent enjoying temporary calm 🤣

Your suppose to distance from fledglings, its normal or they would never learn to fly.

Perfectly normal. I've had to leave my young toddlers to look after a parent and even though the whole parent thing is massively horrible and stressful I almost feel as if I'm on holiday.

I guess most parents have a sigh of relief once their kids go to bed in the night. It's good to get a break and especially with older kids and being a single parents I assume you haven't had a break in a long time. Enjoy it while it lasts and don't feel guilty. You are still a fantastic and loving mum.

Nope its perfectly normal. Its unlikely you will treat them like shit and make them feel unwelcome when they come home now is it? You will probably actually be glad to see their faces, but its ok to sigh deeply inside when the place is messy again or miss the quiet time of coffee in a quiet kitchen.
I love mine beyond words, but the quiet of the house with just DH and I, the peace of it, the no one pulling at me mentally all the time, god its a welcome break after 27 years of motherhood and them all in the house.
I love being with them, and I love when its just the 2 of us, and I love when its just me.
All situations are ok, all make up my life now.
I love being at this stage.