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Original poster

Friend put down

131 replies

Tilly0921 · 19/08/2023 20:57

A friend of mine who I have know for 25 years belittles me in front of others. I have recently felt extremely down the next day after socialising with her because of this.

Last night my husband and I met her new boyfriend and she put me down all evening.
Examples:

1)She told him whilst we were sat at the table that my hands are disgusting and ugly. She is the only person who tells me this continuously.

2)She told my husband and step daughter that I was ugly as a teenager and have only blossomed as an adult. I said I don't feel I looked that bad, she added that I definitely was and she will find photos to show everyone to prove it.

3)told everyone that when I was a hairdresser that I was useless and my mum probably does her own colour now because she hated how I did it for the last 20 years. This is not true, my mum felt I was too busy bringing up my children to keep doing it.

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

She basically implies to everyone that I'm an idiot with no friends. But will then randomly drop into conversation that she would like to take me away on holiday with her as she has no one to go on holiday with. I told her I can't afford this and she said she would pay for me. She's either really nice or quite mean to me!

I genuinely feel upset about this. She has always sort of been like this with me and I have brushed it off but never this bad.
I just don't have any other friends that make me feel this low after seeing them. What do you think her issue is? Maybe she just thinks it's funny.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/08/2023 21:40

I had a best friend from age 5 to 18 and she changed when she got engaged and had a baby, we were still best friends up until we were both 24. She was like a sister to me and to my mum a second daughter.

She started with snipey comments like “you’ve got a low slung flat bum” and then accusing me of stealing from her (benefits claim). She always told me she was a plain Jane and I wasn’t. Our friendship ended but she tried to get it back later, I did consider it and it was very loose (FB) but now I’ve just not bothered. Don’t miss her!

BMW6 · 19/08/2023 21:40

You've been her punch bag for 25 bloody years!
FGS WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH IT?

I know people can have low self esteem, but this is beyond that.

Startrekkeruniverse · 19/08/2023 21:37

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

First answer had it for me.

Supergirl1958 · 19/08/2023 21:36

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

This! It will only make your life worse if you continue to socialise with the cow!

I know from experience, as a teenager I was constantly put down by my best friend when we went on nights out! I could make your hair curl with some of the stories!

I stopped seeing her 3 years ago and I’m happier for it!

scoobydoo1971 · 19/08/2023 21:36

I am no 'Dr Phil' but this is how I see it. 'Friend' is deeply jealous of you, and has her own deep-rooted anxieties and insecurities. I bet she hates her own hands really and envied your hair skills. She is just projecting on you, and trying to announce how she will take you on holiday to make herself look like your 'saviour'. Look at me, me, ME Saint 'friend'...taking this poor waif on holiday as she cannot afford to pay for herself, bless her soul. Oh how superior am I because I can afford to take her along. Life is short, and you need to avoid this vampire like the plague. She must be a very troubled individual if she has nothing better to do than constantly put you down.

bossybloss · 19/08/2023 21:35

Cut her out of your life.
Send her a text telling her why … then block!

MidFourtiesAlready · 19/08/2023 21:34

When she asks you to go on holiday with her, that's not her being nice. It's her not having anyone to go with, so she figures she'll bring u along since you will say yes and she won't feel like a billy-no-mates. If someone better came along, she'd ditch you in a flash.

She sounds horrid. Don't see her again and definitely do NOT go on holiday with her. She isn't a friend. She doesn't hold you in any regard. She just uses and belittles you. Drop her.

blackpear · 19/08/2023 21:34

She’s a bitch.

BeagleMum1 · 19/08/2023 21:34

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

This!!! Perfectly put.

Merryoldgoat · 19/08/2023 21:33

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

100% this.

continentallentil · 19/08/2023 21:32

How is she your friend?!

Never see this woman again. She sounds horrendous.

truthhurts23 · 19/08/2023 21:32

she is a bully and using you as her emotional punching bag for 25 years,
not a real friend, even if she is nice to you occasionally
you should really drop her but if you do find yourself in these situations where she's publicly humiliating you , you have to stand up for yourself very firmy and tell her you are not putting up with her shit anymore
shame on your husband for not having your back

YoureALizardHarry11 · 19/08/2023 21:31

She’s an immature and insecure bitch. I’d definitely break the friendship off, but me being a petty cow id invite her and her new boyfriend for dinner one last time, and when she puts you down, pull her up on it every single time and humiliate her. Silly cow 😂

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/08/2023 21:31

Stop meeting her but also end the friendship.

IvanTheDragon · 19/08/2023 21:28

This isn't a bit of misjudged teasing, this is really mean and sustained. Don't let her treat you this way!

LakeTiticaca · 19/08/2023 21:26

She sounds awful. Send her a message telling her how she makes you feel and then bin her off......permanently

agent765 · 19/08/2023 21:25

Meet her one last time with people she's belittled you in front of then tell her that she's a nasty piece of work and that she's no friend of yours.

ToWhitToWhoo · 19/08/2023 21:24

Why do you continue being her friend at all? She sounds like a playground 'mean girl', who never grew up.

RojoCarlottaValdez · 19/08/2023 21:24

What an evil bitch she is. Honestly, you must realise, she feels powerful by trying to destroy you in public. This is an ENEMY. No, you cannot fix it; no you cannot fix her. Time to end it - completely - no explanation, no equivocation - just no contact of any kind, if she gets in touch, ignore her. Do not respond. If she turns up at your house, just calmly tell her not to ever call again and close the door quietly. She'll get the message. You WILL feel so much better in yourself if you do this.

RampantIvy · 19/08/2023 21:24

Why do you still see her?

WickedSerious · 19/08/2023 21:24

Fuck her off immediately.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 19/08/2023 21:22

I hope this isn’t real.

Why don’t you stop seeing her, or at the very least say something.

Jeschara · 19/08/2023 21:21

OP, please don't do this to yourself, she is a vile inadequate human being.
Her new boyfriend saw and heard this, and I hope he see's what a spiteful cow she is and ditches her.
Why did your husband not say anything?

rowantree1997 · 19/08/2023 21:20

It's taken me over 50 years to realise that friends should make you feel better about yourself.
We all occasionally put our foot in it and say something thoughtless but if it's on a regular basis you would be better off without them.

mbosnz · 19/08/2023 21:20

That ain't no friend.

She is a toxic, vicious, mean, vindictive, bitch.

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