Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend put down

131 replies

Tilly0921 · 19/08/2023 20:57

A friend of mine who I have know for 25 years belittles me in front of others. I have recently felt extremely down the next day after socialising with her because of this.

Last night my husband and I met her new boyfriend and she put me down all evening.
Examples:

1)She told him whilst we were sat at the table that my hands are disgusting and ugly. She is the only person who tells me this continuously.

2)She told my husband and step daughter that I was ugly as a teenager and have only blossomed as an adult. I said I don't feel I looked that bad, she added that I definitely was and she will find photos to show everyone to prove it.

3)told everyone that when I was a hairdresser that I was useless and my mum probably does her own colour now because she hated how I did it for the last 20 years. This is not true, my mum felt I was too busy bringing up my children to keep doing it.

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

She basically implies to everyone that I'm an idiot with no friends. But will then randomly drop into conversation that she would like to take me away on holiday with her as she has no one to go on holiday with. I told her I can't afford this and she said she would pay for me. She's either really nice or quite mean to me!

I genuinely feel upset about this. She has always sort of been like this with me and I have brushed it off but never this bad.
I just don't have any other friends that make me feel this low after seeing them. What do you think her issue is? Maybe she just thinks it's funny.

OP posts:
RachelGreeneGreep · 19/08/2023 22:04

Yup. Give her the boot asap.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 19/08/2023 22:04

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

Exactly this

Tonightsthenight91 · 19/08/2023 22:01

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

this is your only mistake, because if she fits under this category then she shouldn’t, and she needs to be removed from your life.

NotStayingIn · 19/08/2023 22:01

It's hard to cut someone out, but please remember, you are creating space for someone to enter your life who appreciates your friendship. Any second spent with her is robbing you of time you could have spent 1 million times better!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 19/08/2023 22:01

She's a frenemy not a friend
Putting you down makes her feel better about herself
Just because you've been friends for 25 years, you can drop her at any time... suggest you do that now
Didn't your DH say anything?

EvilElsa · 19/08/2023 22:00

I had one of these. I've never once regretted binning her off. She sent me a message in 2020 apologising for her behaviour which I read and didn't reply to. You'll be happier without her, I promise.

Serenissima90 · 19/08/2023 22:00

I have no words

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/08/2023 21:59

She clearly has very low self esteem. Confident people who are content with themselves have no need and much less desire to put their friends down or anyone else for that matter. She's probably more to be pitied.
All that said though it doesn't alter the fact that her "friendship" seems about as much use a used condom not to put too finer point on it

GameOverBoys · 19/08/2023 21:59

Who knows what her problem is. She could be jealous or insecure, but why does it matter. The up shot is she’s a bitch and make you feel bad. Sack her off and spend your time with people who love you.

Tiredmum100 · 19/08/2023 21:57

She's no friend. She sounds horrible. Get rid, life is too short for dick heads. Her comments probably stem from jealousy.

MhairiLynette · 19/08/2023 21:55

I had a friend like this in my early teens. Then I reached 16, grew up and got rid. This is not a friendship OP. It sounds like she is jealous of you and so puts you down to make herself feel better about her own situation. Get rid!!!

CrunchyCarrot · 19/08/2023 21:55

I would say, who cares what her issue is! Remove her as a friend immediately, she's toxic for you. Please don't see her again.

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2023 21:52

Tilly0921 · 19/08/2023 20:57

A friend of mine who I have know for 25 years belittles me in front of others. I have recently felt extremely down the next day after socialising with her because of this.

Last night my husband and I met her new boyfriend and she put me down all evening.
Examples:

1)She told him whilst we were sat at the table that my hands are disgusting and ugly. She is the only person who tells me this continuously.

2)She told my husband and step daughter that I was ugly as a teenager and have only blossomed as an adult. I said I don't feel I looked that bad, she added that I definitely was and she will find photos to show everyone to prove it.

3)told everyone that when I was a hairdresser that I was useless and my mum probably does her own colour now because she hated how I did it for the last 20 years. This is not true, my mum felt I was too busy bringing up my children to keep doing it.

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

She basically implies to everyone that I'm an idiot with no friends. But will then randomly drop into conversation that she would like to take me away on holiday with her as she has no one to go on holiday with. I told her I can't afford this and she said she would pay for me. She's either really nice or quite mean to me!

I genuinely feel upset about this. She has always sort of been like this with me and I have brushed it off but never this bad.
I just don't have any other friends that make me feel this low after seeing them. What do you think her issue is? Maybe she just thinks it's funny.

Doesn't matter why

She's a cow

Do not see her again

amispeakingintongues · 19/08/2023 21:52

She's jealous and intimidated by you which makes her act like an insecure fool. You should never be disrespected like this by anyone who claims to be a friend.

And what the hell did your husband say?!

ilovesushi · 19/08/2023 21:51

She sounds awful and you sound lovely. Cut her off. She is no good.

HorsePlatitudes · 19/08/2023 21:50

Haha her boyfriend will see all this for himself, what an idiot!

Redebs · 19/08/2023 21:49

She has no one to go on holiday with because she's spiteful and nasty. Nobody else will tolerate it.
Do yourself (and her, ultimately) a favour and avoid her. The thrill she experiences from bullying you and not getting called out on it, is purely toxic. It diminishes you and it feeds her addiction to spite. She is buying your time, attention and humiliation.
Walk away. Be unavailable. Don't make excuses or explain. You're just not going with her. Be brilliant!

LuckyPeonies · 19/08/2023 21:45

OP, cut her out immediately! And perhaps ponder why you allow(ed) this awful, malicious woman to mistreat you.

category12 · 19/08/2023 21:45

She's not your friend.

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 19/08/2023 21:44

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

This is pretty much it.

Pipsquiggle · 19/08/2023 21:44

She's a frenemy. Ditch her. Sounds like one of those bitchy girls from a teen movie

DarkDarkNight · 19/08/2023 21:43

She’s a bitch, probably a jealous bitch. That’s what her issue is and it’s all hers, not yours. Don’t spend your time socialising with someone who makes you feel bad the next day.

GerbilTrainerExtraordinaire2 · 19/08/2023 21:43

I have a friend like this and she’s quite a complicated character. Underneath everything I suspect she’s just jealous. I manage her behaviour by going no contact for a month when she’s awful and then low contact when she’s nice.

you can also challenge her immediately when she says something. Try … ‘how rude…’ or ‘pardon, what did you say…’ or directly ask her why she puts you down constantly? Or just get up and calmly leave, cut the night short.

chimamandafan · 19/08/2023 21:42

What on earth made you mistake her for a friend? Friends don't treat friends this way. Dump her and get better friends.

AInightingale · 19/08/2023 21:40

If your partner was doing this, it would be called an emotionally abusive relationship. What's the difference?

Swipe left for the next trending thread