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Original poster

Husband changed will behind wife’s back

38 replies

Geminiii · 16/08/2023 16:03

Hi.

I have name changed for this. I don’t know what I am looking for, perhaps an idea of whether I’m blowing this out of proportion in my mind. This relates to my mum and stepfather.

Background for context: My mum has been with my stepfather for 17 years now, married for 12 years. My stepfather has two adult DC from a previous relationship and my mum has me and my sister. Mum and my stepfather jointly own a property with no mortgage.

My stepfather has form for being extremely money obsessed. He is very tight and over the years as things have needed replacing round the house he refuses to pay in to it, so my mum has essentially paid for all renovations because she wants a nice home, including new kitchen, new bathroom, and an annex built. There are many examples I could give, but let’s just say I am extremely suspicious of his intentions regarding finances and I suspect he is financially abusive towards my mum based on many incidents that have occurred.

My mum and stepfather agreed years ago that when they pass away, the house will be split four ways between myself, my sister and our step siblings. They made separate wills and everything was put in place. I have recently encouraged mum to consider selling the house and them both retiring abroad and enjoying the money as mum has always wanted to retire abroad and I also want her to enjoy the equity from the house that she worked so hard for over the years. Anyway, they have agreed not to sell and potentially move abroad and rent so they have a UK base should they need to return.

Fast forward to last week, my mum found out that my stepfather had made an appointment with a solicitor to change his will, she asked him for more information as to what the appointment was for. He said that he has changed his will to say he that in the event that my mum dies first, he will ask that the house only goes to his DC and has removed our share from the will entirely. My mum is very upset by this but won’t confront him. My mum had a very abusive childhood and is terrified of confrontation. He gave no explanation as to why he’d done this and shut the conversation down.

I am beyond furious with him because I cannot understand why he would go back on their agreement? Let me just say this is not about financial gain for me, I would rather my mum sell up and enjoy her retirement. What is really getting to me is what his motive would be to do this? I am hurt that he thinks that little of my mum that he would go out of his way to go back on an agreement he made with her.

He is obsessed with finances. I really started to question his morals recently when his mum had a fall and was discharged from hospital and placed in a nursing home for rehabilitation until she is fit to return to her home, and as it turns out, she likes it there a lot and doesn’t want to leave. He made sure her house was put in his name years ago so that he got the house when she died, but he is aware that this doesn’t always work. He recently has been trying to force her to go home stating that ‘there’s nothing wrong with her’. She told him she prefers living in the nursing home for company and she is enjoying having her food cooked for her etc. He told her she’s being lazy and she needs to get herself home (to an empty home may I add - her husband died 15 years ago). He very quickly sorted power of attorney over her finances a few years back when she fell ill and always talks about his entitlement to her property. I think that he is concerned that he will be ordered to pay back her care fees when he sells the house if she passes away, and that’s why he’s trying to force her home.

The incident with his mum and now the sudden change of will without prior discussion with my mum is making me doubt his character a lot. Would I be unreasonable in encouraging my mum to really challenge him on this, or better still, seriously consider the marriage she is in? There has been no significant fall out between any of us that would trigger him to do this. I find it rather chilling that he’s always so over nice to our faces but has other intentions behind our back.

OP posts:
Cakecoffeeandbiscuits · 16/08/2023 16:30

It would have been more sensible when creating the wills to designate each spouse's 'half' upon their death to be given to their own children whilst allowing the remaining spouse to live in the house until death or until the property was sold.

It is too trusting and quite naive really to trust an abusive husband to not change his will and leave the wife's daughters out entirely. This is really very common unfortunately and is why the above is better and more protective.

Thelittleweasel · 16/08/2023 16:29

@Geminiii Please see the post from @Slothlikemum .

The usual estate for married couples is "joint tenants". This means that on death of the first the title passes to the other outside of any will [it is called "by survivorship"]. Any will cannot override that. the survivor then can leave the whole in whatever way desired by a will. The holding cannot be changed unless both parties agree to sever to "tenants in common". If it is currently held as tenants in common then each partner can leave their share to whomever they like. Advice from a good (expensive) solicitor is needed.

Theoscargoesto · 16/08/2023 16:28

There are only 2 ways that people can hold land jointly in England/Wales. One is as Joint Tenants. This is usual for couples, especially where the shares in the property are equal. The fundamental thing about a joint tenancy is that on death of one joint owner, the property passes as of right to the remaining owner(s). So if you are married and one spouse dies, the other inherits the house absolutely. Or if you and 2 siblings own a house and one dies, the others get the dead siblings share. A will is irrelevant here: that’s what a joint tenancy is.

The other way is as tenants in common. In this case, the property passes in accordance with the will of the dead person (or the rules of intestacy if no will). So then one person can leave their share to whoever they like. If that means two or more people own it together, a Trust is created. The property has to be managed according to the Trust.

You need to know how your mum and stepfather hold the property and if he has, as lawyers have it, severed the joint tenancy. You need to make sure your mum understands that if he dies first, her share will be protected to some degree.

Im99912 · 16/08/2023 16:27

If they both own the house equally I think they. An split it so that each 50 percent is left to xxx in the will

my parents owned their house and when my mu. Died her half went my sister / son with my dad having a lifetime interest trust to stay in the house

when he passed away my sister and son got the house 100 percent in the estate will

its actually really easy and common to do and your mum could seperate the deeds via the land registry without your stepdad permission ensuring that her half goes to xxx

mumblechum ( will writer ) on hear did my mums & dads back 2017 and it cost less than 400 for wills and separating the deeds

BronwenFrideswide · 16/08/2023 16:26

Geminiii · 16/08/2023 16:17

I wasn’t aware she could leave her share in trust @BronwenFrideswide, thank you for the insight. I am going to suggest this as an option.

Better still, I’d rather she tells him to piss off, sells and gets her share and does as she pleases with it! It’s the least she deserves.

There are a ways to protect children of previous marriages/blended families which is why your mum needs professional legal advice.

A 'mirror' Will is no good as when the first spouse dies there is nothing to stop the other one from changing their Will which is why there are ways to ring fence one half's share for what they want done with it.

Your second option would be the best but only you know if she will do that!

Kerplonker · 16/08/2023 16:22

You need to check if the property is owned as joint tenants or tenants in common.
Married couples are usually joint tenants which means the property automatically goes to the surviving spouse on death.
your Mum can only leave her share to you if they own the house as tenants in common.

Slothlikemum · 16/08/2023 16:19

Doesn't it depend on how they own the house, as tenants in common or joint tenants? I can't remember which is which but in one case they both own half and in the other they each own the whole thing. I can't remember if marriage overrides that though.

Original poster
Geminiii · 16/08/2023 16:17

I wasn’t aware she could leave her share in trust @BronwenFrideswide, thank you for the insight. I am going to suggest this as an option.

Better still, I’d rather she tells him to piss off, sells and gets her share and does as she pleases with it! It’s the least she deserves.

OP posts:
BronwenFrideswide · 16/08/2023 16:15

There are mechanisms that you and your sister could not force a sale on her death he would be entitled to remain there until he died (a lifetime interest) but if he sold beforehand it could be made so that at that point your half was paid to you and your sister and if he had to sell the property to go into care your half would be protected. There are options and that is why your mum needs proper legal advice and a new Will.

I am sorry that her and you are being put in this position.

Original poster
Geminiii · 16/08/2023 16:15

Her knee jerk reaction was to book an appointment with a solicitor and remove his children’s share from her will. We have told her not to do this as even if she did, we would always give our step siblings their share regardless. I did tell her she needs to see them for other reasons though, such as getting her rights clarified and a plan in place that makes her comfortable.

I think I’m just shocked he would do that. I had suspicions over him but this is actual proof that he is not a nice person in my books, and I am sad that my mum is with him. I am gently trying to broach the subject of counselling as she has recently started telling me more about her childhood and I secretly hope that she goes and they help her realise a few things about my stepdad too.

She likes to bury her head in the sand though and I am worried she will just keep calm and carry on rather than deal with the life changing even of divorce in her late 50s, which I can also understand.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 16/08/2023 16:14

Surely he can only leave his half of the house in his will?

Then your mum can leave her half to you/your brother?

BronwenFrideswide · 16/08/2023 16:11

Your mum needs to re-write her Will so that her half share of the property is placed in Trust for you and your sister and does not go to him if she died first. Please get your mum to a solicitor for legal advice around this, it is clear that her husband is financially abusive and she needs to protect herself.

It would be better if she divorced him and took her half now but I doubt she will want to do that so her only option is to protect her assets now to go where she wants them to on her death.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 16/08/2023 16:07

What is really getting to me is what his motive would be to do this?

It's pretty obvious isn't it?

Your mum needs her own legal advice to ensure her will provides for who she wants it to. If she leaves her half of the house to you and your sister, your stepfather can't legally override that.

It sounds like he'd bully her until leaving everything to him, though. Can you help her arrange a secret meeting with a solicitor and not tell him about her will, or would she not do that?

Ultimately she's an adult with capacity. If she goes along with what he wants, there's not much you can do.