High school or home ed?

Many home edders do iGCSEs to work around this, although some exam centres offer practical options if you wish to go this route.

There are options available for most things. The hardest things seem to be GCSEs such as art, you usually have to seek out a tutor for assessments etc. But generally there will be options available or alternatives for most things.

I am pretty useless with computers and my Son managed to whizz his computer science GCSE with a 9, I still couldnt tell you the basics but we did a great job together of researching and finding the information. As parents, we arent teachers but we help facilitate the learning, so dont think you will have to have a vast array of knowledge. Its amazing also how the home ed community will help each other when knowledge or advice is required.

I'm a secondary teacher and I'd say to go and look around the schools and speak to the senco before deciding. Your son would have absolutely no issues at my school (state secondary, comprehensive, very mixed catchment)
I would also say that youre underestimating the changes in curriculum since you sat your gcses. The demand is significantly higher and the content is largely different.I teach chemistry and a C in old grading would struggle to get you a pass in the current curriculum. The other thing to consider is that for science there is also the required practical element. How will you facilitate your son carrying out the necessary required practicals for each science?

I totally understand. In many ways I’d like to HE but I do think, at least for know, school is the best place for my children and we are enormously lucky to have genuinely fantastic schools and I can then support effectively because of my experience. There are kids for whom HE is the best option, there are (significantly more) kids for whom school is the better option for a variety of reasons. Honestly, the only time I feel any animosity towards HE is when people either (a) are using it as an excuse to not essentially not educate their children, which is very rare but so harmful, (b) when people who are doing a fantastic job resist any discussions around regulation of HE to protect very vulnerable children from serious harm/lack of educational opportunities and (c) when people refer to schools as ‘prisons’ or similar hyperbole and suggest that every child who attends in-person standard schooling is being abused, etc., which is sadly a more common message to see online (though I’m sure still very rare in reality). I also feel very sad for people who would like not to HE but are forced into it because they are not able to access appropriate alternative provision and mainstream isn’t working.

HE is often such an amazing opportunity for many young people and families. Equally, the vast majority of kids in schools also learn well and have a broadly positive experience and many thrive in a way that they wouldn’t at home.

Having a range of ages in my family all working in IT, I do know that it's got much more competitive over the years and would want to think about whether being HE would impact on his ability to get a job long term. One relative has no IT qualifications and has been in the industry for 30 years. The next has done 20 and needed a degree and the youngest has just started out an needed a high caliber degree and probably will need a master's in the next few years. IT is horribly competitive and seems to be getting worse not better.

This is so refreshing to read.

The assumption that all homeschoolers hate mainstream education/educators and vice versa is incredibly wearing. It's lovely to hear from a teacher who sees the value in simply having options.

OP, if it helps at all I only had 4 years of secondary after being home-educated and if I'd had the internet I wouldn't have needed even those years. I did go to university and it was there that I flourished. High school was just a miserable experience for me, although I'm sure it can be amazing for some people.

It's entirely possible that your son will thrive in HE, in your shoes I'd try it for a year or two and then reassess.

I’d start looking at what the schools offer by way of SEN support and work on getting him through the diagnosis process because that will possibly open up options that wouldn’t otherwise be there. One of our local high schools has a unit for neurodiverse kids within mainstream high school. They offer an extended transition process, support in adjusting to different teachers/subjects and provide space for kids who struggle socially during breaks etc. They have specialist teachers for kids with ASD/ADHD and I know a few kids who have really thrived in mainstream with the support of the unit. They only accept kids with a diagnosis.

I also found a “poorer” school was a much better option for my SEN kids because they had lots of experience with tricky behaviours, were well resourced and flexible in their approach in a way that the “better” more local school wasn’t. Spend some time really exploring what’s available and what you need to have in place to access supports before deciding on HE.

I had a good idea of what would suit my DD for high school and really argued her case, if that hadn’t worked I would have gone down the HE route because I know mainstream alone just wouldn’t have worked for her.

Can you look at clubs they offer? He might find his tribe and school clubs are free or low cost.

Have you visited the schools. I wouldn’t go off reputation. Some can be good for Sen but not great rep generally.
I think I’d try school and see. Nothing you’ve said make me think it will be a disaster.

I think the people that home Ed well are the ones that do learning away from a home classroom type environment. The ones that do museums, field trips, meet up with groups, lectures and specialist tutors but I should imagine this does not come cheaply.

I'm not sure what he'll gain from you and your dh just teaching him at home which is what it sounds like you're planning to do.

FWIW, as a secondary school teacher, I think if you can do HE (financially and logistically), and your son is also wanting that, then I would. I offer it to my son when he’s whingeing about school and he still feels school is the better option, but I think it’s definitely not a given for kids with any SEN needs (and many without). There is a lot to be gained and plenty of groups who can support you and give him social experiences. GCSE is the tricky stage as it can limit your options a bit, and get quite expensive, but it’s still better than years of feeling like failure. I don’t think HE is an easy option for kids with ADHD but then neither is mainstream schooling. However, I think it gives you an incredible opportunity to work on strategies to help him succeed in life beyond education - actually, the COVID lockdowns were transformative for us for this reason (I was lucky to be working part time and able to use the time for real 1-2-1 support and obviously lucky that I had a lot of educational experience to draw on).

Hopefully, in a few years, our school system will be better again and teacher shortages fixed, curriculum slimmed back to a manageable amount, etc. but for now, sadly, school is not always a great place to be and can take a long time to recover from.

I'm a big fan of HE for square pegs, particularly if the only choice of schools you have are mediocre or ordinary. Rather than ask in the bear pit of AIBU, try the HE part of MN. A lot of people are very anti anyone making different parenting choices to their own, but you know your son best. I also think that your son won't get a 'well rounded education' in any comp, because our education system is shite. Encourage reading widely and let him follow whatever his particular passion is at the time. There are also many very good value OU intro courses on a huge range of STEM subjects, as well as a vast amount of info and idiots guides online as starting points to techy stuff. Good luck OP, don't let anyone put you off HE .

Go and the SEN departments of both schools and see what they can do for him.

Also OP sometimes the school that is locally viewed as ‘worse’ can be better for kids with SEN. We chose the ‘worse’ school for our ds as the local ofsted outstanding were less flexible. Often outstanding schools are more grades and less mental health focused. Ds is going into year 9 now and even in the 2 years since he started secondary the reputation has changed. I would talk to the sencos directly and focus on the pastoral side.

My ds (ASD and brain injury) was homeschooled up until year 5 but I found after then without online schooling that it was becoming increasingly challenging to give him a well rounded education. I’m not sure how academic your ds is but mine is quite bright and also loves coding which I couldn’t deliver at home. He’s currently at a mainstream secondary school and thriving. I recommend contacting the senco from both schools and seeing what adjustments can be made. I honestly believed DS would be eaten alive but he’s held his own (he can be quite overfriendly and he’s also quite sensitive). We have loads of accommodations such as headphones allowed in class, his books being left in the pastoral department to help with organisation, he doesn’t have to do PE and uses it as a slot for homework instead, time out card and he’s allowed to sit in pastoral during lunch times (where they can also help with homework). Computing is very current at his school and they also quite often have clubs for that sort of thing. Ds also lives history and science. If you decide on mainstream I would make sure you have an EHCP sorted out though so if your ds needs certain accommodations the school are obligated to follow them.

I’d focus on getting him the adhd diagnosis and support/meds then make a decision. It could make a huge difference. Can your GP help if getting nowhere with school?

In your first paragraph, OP, you say that the school has t been helpful with a diagnosis. The school can’t diagnose, so do you mean that adjustments haven’t been made, or that support has not been forthcoming.

I think home schooling requires quite a lot of discipline, although the formal aspect of a classroom won’t be there and I know many HE focus on the subjects their children enjoy. Are you confident you can structure the day, so he gets a rounded education. I often think that teaching whilst wfh short changes both employer and child, but you will know better how you’ll make that work.

Early in the autumn term is the time when schools have their open evenings, so it might be worth going to the local ones and asking to speak to the SENCOs to see what they can offer, before you close the door on formal schooling.

But what school - the one in catchment, which is financially much better for us, but his 2 closest friends won't be going to, or the other which is locally thought of as better and his 2 friends are going to, but will cost us much more in transport/uniform (think blazers instead of jumpers) and must be using a lot of substitute teachers?

These are the dilemmas of most parents with the switch to secondary. Generally I wouldn't worry about the friends not going there. Most kids start secondary without their primary school group and will make new friends anyway. So I'd go for the local one. You've always got the HE option as a back up but it doesn't sound like it should be the default choice out of fear. Let him try it and see how it pans out. Lots of kids have ups and downs but to pre-empt it being a non-starter when the alternative is far from ideal doesn't sound like a good strategy at this point. If the local one doesn't work out, the other school is also an option. You've got to try these things out and not jump to conclusions based on what you've heard or indeed on bus fares.

Do you have any UTC (University Technology Colleges) near you? They are usually STEM specialist and start from Year 10 (but some earlier - I think the Sheffield one starts in Yr 9).
He could do 3 (or 2) years at a general secondary and then switch to a UTC. There are also “Studio Schools” which are smaller versions and usually a school -within - a - school.
Because these are specialist education you might get help on transport costs.

my thinking was for the amount the primary want for 3 nights away we could go as a family for a cheap few days away, and from what I remember of high school trips that is definitely the case!

But a family trip can't replicate a school residential. The whole point of a school trip is that it's time away from the family, developing independence, skills, friendships.

Same with secondary schol. It's not just about the academics. It's the time when the young person begins to develop their own identity and independence and starts to have a life separate from their family.

I wouldn't start out with HE based on unfounded fears that he'll be eaten alive. Kids can be much kinder/more inclusive than they used to be with much more awareness of ND and more kids affected by such things. It also doesn't seem like an ideal set-up at home - if you're concerned by the shortage of teachers in core subjects (which is a national issue schools are finding ways to deal with) then it's strange to switch him to HE with zero teacher in core subjects.

I also understand that buses and uniform costs money but so does HE - potentially a lot more if you're doing it properly over the whole of secondary, so I'd be worried that you're thinking of short term, smaller issues and not really the bigger picture. I would also have looked into getting him diagnosed privately in the situation you describe. The system is really strapped and focusing on kids with more severe difficulties so you can't wait for them to sort it even if it means stretching yourselves - sounds like your DP could work more hours to cover such costs.

Overall, I'm not against HE but in this case I don't think you've thought it through and need to give mainstream a shot before writing it off as a waste of time. Kids change a lot in secondary and you at least need to try it out until you've got a much better plan for how you'd HE him without him losing out.

Have a look at the GCSE exam specifications. Could you/your husband realistically teach at least five of those subjects including English and Maths?

Tutors usually focus on weak areas and around here are £20-25 an hour, if you needed to get one to essentially teach the course would you be able to afford it?

HE can be a wonderful thing for the right family but it's a big step so please think it through carefully. Joining school at secondary if it doesn't work out and be difficult for children.