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Original poster

Husband started Vaping - I’m annoyed

29 replies

Mama2910 · 16/08/2023 06:05

My husband and I are both health professionals. He loves preaching to people about his job and is actually quite arrogant and full of self importance (we met an old friend of his recently (who is a labourer) who commented on the amount of night shifts my husband does and my husband just said “it’s though at the top, old boy!” I cringed so much 😩)

He is 42 and has never properly smoked. I say “properly” because when he was a teenager he smoked weed every now and again but didn’t smoke regularly or daily or anything. And hasn’t touched weed for over 25 years.

We have been together over 13 years and he’s never ever smoked or vaped. No-one in our family smokes or vapes.

We have two little boys aged 6 and 8 who are quite switched on. Impressionable. As all kids this age are. They see kids on the street using vapes, see them in shops and ask what they are.

My issue is I am mad at my husband and think he is being such a massive child for starting to vape recently. His reason? “A few guys in my team do it and I like the smell.” So basically he is wanting to do it to fit in or because other people do it. He is a 42 year old man!

He seems to have been doing it kind of in secret (at work, when I go to bed at night so I kind of forgot to be honest. I only found out in the first place months ago because he had left it in his work trouser pocket and I was putting a wash on. We spoke about it and I assumed he had stopped). But I’ve came down this morning And he’s left one of those bright colourful vape things lying at the kitchen table where my kids could have seen it, picked it up, played with it, TRIED it if I hadn’t noticed. I am really annoyed! (And tempted to bin it!)

I would get it if he had been a smoker and was stopping and substituting it but he hasn’t been a smoker! Just a big massive child.

YABU - let the man vape!

YANBU - I would be annoyed too!

OP posts:
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Bertiesmum3 · 12/11/2023 06:59

QualityCorner · 16/08/2023 07:15

I'd be so pissed off (if I had a DH). Both my DSs vape (21 and 16). I rage against it as a waste of money and a health hazard. If I see one round the house , I say "DS - you've left your dummy here."
i'm embarrassed that my children could be so stupid as to pay £10 to breathe in Chinese smoke and chemicals and give themselves a nicotine addiction.

A majority of vapes are nicotine free!

Shihtzulover · 17/08/2023 21:23

Let him vape if he wants.
Then leave him for being so pompous. “Old boy” ew, new ick unlocked.

74Violette · 17/08/2023 16:10

I would be mad and disappointed if my partner started vaping in their 40s if they weren't a smoker. It's bloody insane! - and yes I agree with you OP he comes across as immature. I wonder if there's a specific person at work that he's trying to impress/hang out with more on breaks.
From the stuff you mentioned about his arrogance, I'd be at the end of my tether with him too

SRTR9718 · 17/08/2023 15:22

My DP started vaping a few years ago. I hate it, it’s a huge turn off and it costs a lot of money. However as others have said, he can do what he wants at the end of the day. You’ve made your opinion about it known and from experience I can tell you there’s no point nagging about it.

Just ask him to respect your wishes not to vape around you or the children or leave it where it can be seen by little eyes.

Vault687 · 17/08/2023 11:41

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Trinity65 · 17/08/2023 11:39

Waterweir · 16/08/2023 22:28

Great post @Jamaica321. Some posters sound very controlling about their male partners. Imagine if this was a man complaining about his wife eating sweets and relying on sugary treats. Posters would be horrified and describe him as controlling.
A poster has written sneering that ' the husband cannot know much about health if he vapes'. Can't imagine the same poster making the same comment about sugary treats and a woman.

This

So many anal people on here where smoking and vaping is concerned.

People were stopped from smoking inside (fair enough, I got over it and prefer it now) but now even vaping is evil and wrong !!
Lay off your DH OP, you are not his Mother for gods sake

Waterweir · 16/08/2023 22:28

Great post @Jamaica321. Some posters sound very controlling about their male partners. Imagine if this was a man complaining about his wife eating sweets and relying on sugary treats. Posters would be horrified and describe him as controlling.
A poster has written sneering that ' the husband cannot know much about health if he vapes'. Can't imagine the same poster making the same comment about sugary treats and a woman.

hygieneversustheplanet · 16/08/2023 17:29

He doesn’t seem to know much about health if he’s smoking that rubbish!

MorningOclock · 16/08/2023 09:31

YANBU to feel the way you do, it’s a huge turn off and so incredibly stupid. I would not be happy about it either, what sort of an example does it set for your children.

Blossomtoes · 16/08/2023 09:22

Notamum12345577 · 16/08/2023 09:20

At the top would mean top management/director level. It would be very unusual for them to work a lot of night shifts

Show quote history

No it wouldn’t if he’s clinical, consultants are top of the clinical tree. You know nothing about the NHS, do you?

Notamum12345577 · 16/08/2023 09:20

Blossomtoes · 16/08/2023 08:53

Of course he could. A&E and ITU consultants regularly work at night. Cardiac surgeons are called in for emergency surgery. Do you think healthcare’s 9 to 5?

Show quote history

At the top would mean top management/director level. It would be very unusual for them to work a lot of night shifts

inappropriateraspberry · 16/08/2023 08:54

There is a huge issue of him getting addicted to nicotine. Is he using nicotine free ones? What is he thinking?

Blossomtoes · 16/08/2023 08:53

Notamum12345577 · 16/08/2023 08:48

If he was at the top of his profession, he wouldn’t be doing loads of night shifts 😁

Of course he could. A&E and ITU consultants regularly work at night. Cardiac surgeons are called in for emergency surgery. Do you think healthcare’s 9 to 5?

amylou8 · 16/08/2023 08:49

I'd think he was daft, especially if he's using the nicotine ones and getting hooked, but it's really not something I could get worked up about. Perfectly reasonable to ask him not to vape in the house or around the children. But more than that makes you sound controlling. The kids are not toddlers they should know not to smoke them if the find them.

Notamum12345577 · 16/08/2023 08:48

If he was at the top of his profession, he wouldn’t be doing loads of night shifts 😁

VeridicalVagabond · 16/08/2023 08:47

I find vaping a huge turn off, I think it makes you look a right knob, but unfortunately you can't really stop him from doing it, as you say he's a 42 year old man. He's allowed to make decisions for himself about what he puts in his body.

I'd just have a conversation with him about not leaving them round where the kids might pick them up. Get a box or a drawer or a case or something to keep them in out of sight and reach.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 16/08/2023 08:45

Excellent post @Jamaica321

BBno4 · 16/08/2023 08:45

Why would you start vaping though if you don't smoke?

eandz13 · 16/08/2023 08:44

@Jamaica321 fab response.

RedPony1 · 16/08/2023 08:41

@Jamaica321 This!!

Blossomtoes · 16/08/2023 08:30

@Jamaica321 👏🏻

Jamaica321 · 16/08/2023 08:24

OK.

The only issue here as far as I can see is him leaving a vape out on the table where the kids might pick it up.

Other than that. I'm actually aghast at a few things. What comes across is a lack of respect for your DH (who if he's a medical professional and is doing night shifts I'm going to presume is either a nurse or doctor).

Have you reread your post? Do you hear how what you've written sounds?

He's an adult. He's doing night shifts in what is probably a really stressful job and you're on the Internet speaking about him as if he's an errant toddler.

Maybe start at the point of thinking of him as your partner who deserves respect, autonomy, and then calmly ask him once again to not leave the vape out where the kids might pick it up.

I'm afraid to say, nothing else is your concern. Maybe he's been thinking about taking up smoking again and because he knows how much safer vaping is he's decided to vape instead. Maybe he likes the flavours. Maybe he's stressed at work and a 'vape break' with his work besties is a coping mechanism. Maybe, just maybe, as adults we're allowed to make our decisions about what we do.

That doesn't mean our partners shouldn't have an opinion about it, but I'd be horrified if I was him and he found this post and found out that's the way my partner talked about me to strangers 😳

QualityCorner · 16/08/2023 07:15

I'd be so pissed off (if I had a DH). Both my DSs vape (21 and 16). I rage against it as a waste of money and a health hazard. If I see one round the house , I say "DS - you've left your dummy here."
i'm embarrassed that my children could be so stupid as to pay £10 to breathe in Chinese smoke and chemicals and give themselves a nicotine addiction.

Summerslimtime · 16/08/2023 07:06

I'd be pissed off too.

Every time he does it can you put a baby's bottle to your mouth or a dummy??

This is how I see vapes. Its like a comfort blanket. And that hand to mouth movement is really hard to stop.