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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wanking

61 replies

Krickley · 13/08/2023 18:35

aibu or is this ok?

im 99% sure my DH had a wank on the sofa last night. I was in bed it was around midnight, my bedroom door was open. I heard what i thought was DH going i to the kitchen with keys but it was his belt jangling and i then heard him rip off lots of kitchen towel, clean himself up and zip trousers back up/do belt up. Yuk never heard him do that before but on the sofa??

he is so secretive with his phone. Idc if its porn but i do worry its more than that. He’s constantly texting and switched phone off if i walk into the room. I cannot get hold of his phone, he wouldn’t let me. Gives me side eye if hes texting to see if im looking. All makes me think something is going on. How can you tell if hes up to no good ?

OP posts:
Iamacatslave · 13/08/2023 19:49

Is it a leather sofa?

oakleaffy · 13/08/2023 19:44

Twiglets1 · 13/08/2023 19:42

Classic Mumsnet 😂

Show quote history

At least OP heard the rustle of kitchen roll being torn off.
Hopefully no staining.

Iknowthis1 · 13/08/2023 19:44

The only bit that would bother me here is the secrecy around texting. That's not generally a good sign.

oakleaffy · 13/08/2023 19:43

bonzaitree · 13/08/2023 18:43

Wanking on the sofa is weird if you could have kids who walk in. He’s probably better off wanking in the bathroom.

If it’s just you I don’t think that’s unusual at all. Very normal in fact.

Many men disappear to the loo with their phones.

I'm sure they are not catching up with their emails!

Twiglets1 · 13/08/2023 19:42

Chastened · 13/08/2023 18:38

Two different things, like a pp said. What is the significance of the sofa? Are you worried about staining?

Classic Mumsnet 😂

Mum2jenny · 13/08/2023 19:41

What’s wrong with him having a wank? Seriously?

ChrisPPancake · 13/08/2023 19:40

Are you more bothered by the wanking or the potential cheating?

oakleaffy · 13/08/2023 19:39

The wanking isn't the issue -The potential secrecy around his phone is- if he's sexting someone else.

BlastedIce · 13/08/2023 19:34

readbooksdrinktea · 13/08/2023 18:40

Wanking fine. Cheating, if he is, not fine.

This!

Imagine your other half controlling you masturbating!

BettyB0Op · 13/08/2023 19:29

Wanking is absolutely fine, if I don’t feel like having sex I’ll actually suggest he should have a wank. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do and I would never have an issue with it. I agree with everyone else about the phone, that’s the main issue, not the wanking. He’s obviously doing something he’s either ashamed of or doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

I can look at my husbands phone anytime I want and vice-versa, I don’t obviously as I respect him and his privacy but this would raise my suspicion to the point that I would. I think you need to insist he lets you look at his phone before he has the chance to delete anything off it.

Hiddenvoice · 13/08/2023 19:21

Fine to masterbate but obviously not if it’s him chatting to someone else.

Would you feel comfortable asking about last night?

MeinKraft · 13/08/2023 19:20

Lookingatthesunset · 13/08/2023 19:19

I'd kill my DH if he had his smelly bare arse out on my lovely sofa!!!

Yes this is the bit that would annoy me 🤣

Lookingatthesunset · 13/08/2023 19:19

I'd kill my DH if he had his smelly bare arse out on my lovely sofa!!!

Wildwildwoman · 13/08/2023 19:05

Maybe they are linked are you worried he's having phone sex with affair partner or wanking over her pics?

gamerchick · 13/08/2023 19:05

OP you've been trying to ditch this bloke for a bit. He's allowed to wank. You wanted to kick him out, what happened?

DinoDough · 13/08/2023 18:58

Masturbation is normal and an excellent way to destress and get off to sleep.

Cheating is entirely different. What are you concerned about, that he is looking at porn or cheating?

tigger1001 · 13/08/2023 18:56

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

I agree with this. It's two separate issues.

GoodChat · 13/08/2023 18:51

I don't see the issue with him wanking

fairytalesRonlyinbooks · 13/08/2023 18:50

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 13/08/2023 18:46

Agree with pp. Is your concern wanking or potential cheating?

Wanking doesn't bother me I'd think he was either lying or there was an issue if my husband said he didn't do it. Sometimes it's easier/quicker/more effective to DIY! It doesn't mean he's not sexually attracted to you and can be part of a healthy sex life.

As for the phone, if his habits have suddenly changed then possibly could be a sign but, are you looking for potential signs because you think he's had some me time without you?

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 13/08/2023 18:44

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

This!

bonzaitree · 13/08/2023 18:43

Wanking on the sofa is weird if you could have kids who walk in. He’s probably better off wanking in the bathroom.

If it’s just you I don’t think that’s unusual at all. Very normal in fact.

Allwork · 13/08/2023 18:43

The phone issue would upset me more than the wanking . The keeping the phone locked etc etc is as fishy as hell somethings not right

BibbleandSqwauk · 13/08/2023 18:43

It was midnight..not the middle of the day. In and if itself, no issue, but I'd say you're probably right to have suspicions with the phone.

VinEtFromage · 13/08/2023 18:42

wank fine
on sofa fine (presuming he didn't aim at the sofa!)
porn (you say is fine)

possible cam girl - depends on how you feel about it (ignoring the politics around that)

possible affair - could be, but probably other indicators than a late night wank