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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wanking

61 replies

Krickley · 13/08/2023 18:35

aibu or is this ok?

im 99% sure my DH had a wank on the sofa last night. I was in bed it was around midnight, my bedroom door was open. I heard what i thought was DH going i to the kitchen with keys but it was his belt jangling and i then heard him rip off lots of kitchen towel, clean himself up and zip trousers back up/do belt up. Yuk never heard him do that before but on the sofa??

he is so secretive with his phone. Idc if its porn but i do worry its more than that. He’s constantly texting and switched phone off if i walk into the room. I cannot get hold of his phone, he wouldn’t let me. Gives me side eye if hes texting to see if im looking. All makes me think something is going on. How can you tell if hes up to no good ?

OP posts:
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pussysucker · 23/01/2024 07:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CreationNat1on · 14/08/2023 12:44

Like others, the wanking is fine-ish. The secrets about the phone..... I ld wonder why, can't you ask him? Why are you so cagey about your phone? Lots of men share raunchy videos with each other, boob pics, he could be viewing raunchy pics from swingers sites, who knows

Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 12:34

@oakleaffy 🤣🤣🤣 I think the responses have been light hearted and a good laugh. In all seriousness though perhaps OP isn't having sex with her DH? It's so intrusive I'd be mortified if my partner was in my personal space like this. It's not just something men do..
Women do it too.

Daphnis156 · 14/08/2023 12:16

"I cannot get hold of his phone"
Do you feel entitled to nose around like this?
Maybe being secretive is his reaction to your nosiness?

As for the sofa what does it matter- your bat like ears heard him cleaning up (or so you think...)

RocketIceLollie · 14/08/2023 12:08

oakleaffy · 14/08/2023 11:57

Who did the data on that?

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Lol probably a man yeah. But it's actually true.

oakleaffy · 14/08/2023 11:57

RocketIceLollie · 14/08/2023 11:53

Men actually need to ejaculate twice a week to lower risk of testicular cancer.

Who did the data on that?

oakleaffy · 14/08/2023 11:56

Rollonsept · 13/08/2023 19:54

Absolutely this!! (Sounds extreme to me hearing the jingling of trousers? GOOD LORD).

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''Jingling of trousers''

I'm dying 🤣

RocketIceLollie · 14/08/2023 11:53

Men actually need to ejaculate twice a week to lower risk of testicular cancer.

oakleaffy · 14/08/2023 11:51

KarmaStar · 14/08/2023 11:12

My friends exh often used to do this whilst he was in the bath.😫

Showers are where men famously ''Relieve themselves''...

KarmaStar · 14/08/2023 11:12

My friends exh often used to do this whilst he was in the bath.😫

Rollonsept · 14/08/2023 10:09

pimplebum · 14/08/2023 09:29

Yes it is a bit weird to be wanking and taking risks that kids could see

I'd make it my mission to see that phone one way or another

Can you not talk to him and say
" hey. Are you ok ? Stressed? You took a risky wank the other night and are being secretive with your phone are you paying cam girls ? Blah blah ..."

then set your boundaries ie wanks behind locked doors , only online porn not ....
Be clear on what you consider the line is so he he knows if he crosses it the consequences would be ....

OP didn't actually see wanking with her own eyes. She knows her DH but she needs to be sure if you go around accusing someone of wanking with kids around I mean it sounds unlikely that this is what was happening. If OP thought that and kids were in the house why didn't she go and look in the living room?

pimplebum · 14/08/2023 09:29

Yes it is a bit weird to be wanking and taking risks that kids could see

I'd make it my mission to see that phone one way or another

Can you not talk to him and say
" hey. Are you ok ? Stressed? You took a risky wank the other night and are being secretive with your phone are you paying cam girls ? Blah blah ..."

then set your boundaries ie wanks behind locked doors , only online porn not ....
Be clear on what you consider the line is so he he knows if he crosses it the consequences would be ....

winterchills · 13/08/2023 22:21

I agree with others. Wank- fine! Possible cheating absolutely not fine! Hope you get to the bottom of it!

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2023 21:55

If you are wanking in a household with others you should be doing it behind a locked door or private bedroom, not on the sofa in the living room where anyone else can just happen upon you.
It is inconsiderate and a bit grim that you can't control yourself for 2 mins and get to the bathroom instead.

coreas · 13/08/2023 21:35

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2023 18:40

But wanking on the sofa? A communal area?

Presumably the area wasn't being shared at the time of the wank crime!

Vettrianofan · 13/08/2023 21:31

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 18:38

As a woman who regularly enjoys some "me time", I could hardly complain about a partner doing it. The needs are toatally differnet from 1:1 sex.

I agree with this. You just can't berate him for having some time alone. It's not a reflection on you OP.

ShitImPregnant · 13/08/2023 21:28

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2023 18:40

But wanking on the sofa? A communal area?

Surely every room in the house is communal if they don't have separate bedrooms?

labamba007 · 13/08/2023 21:14

Krickley · 13/08/2023 20:05

Ive just cringed and also laughed my socks off at the responses to this 🤪🤣🤣

sorry i didnt word it well. Obviously there is nothing wrong with wanking but ive never known him to do that on the (leather 😉) sofa in the livingroom before! With it being school holidays my kids were milling around taking ages to go to bed, they were in bed but not asleep, hence me being awake and hearing his jangly belt!! Its just odd behaviour thats all. He would usually wank in the bedroom/shower/bathroom!

yeah i am more concerned over whether it was web camming/phone sex that type of thing. He almost angles his phone away from me if i walk in and hes texting away, giving me side eye to see if im looking. Quickly going onto different apps idk. Maybe im being paranoid 🤷🏻‍♀️

Can you ask him when he turns his phone away from you, why he does it and ask for his phone to look?

GarlicGrace · 13/08/2023 20:45

angles his phone away from me if i walk in and hes texting away, giving me side eye to see if im looking. Quickly going onto different apps

So HE feels like he's cheating. Maybe grab his phone, demand to look, share your anxiety, snoop???

Original poster
Krickley · 13/08/2023 20:05

Ive just cringed and also laughed my socks off at the responses to this 🤪🤣🤣

sorry i didnt word it well. Obviously there is nothing wrong with wanking but ive never known him to do that on the (leather 😉) sofa in the livingroom before! With it being school holidays my kids were milling around taking ages to go to bed, they were in bed but not asleep, hence me being awake and hearing his jangly belt!! Its just odd behaviour thats all. He would usually wank in the bedroom/shower/bathroom!

yeah i am more concerned over whether it was web camming/phone sex that type of thing. He almost angles his phone away from me if i walk in and hes texting away, giving me side eye to see if im looking. Quickly going onto different apps idk. Maybe im being paranoid 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Rollonsept · 13/08/2023 19:56

Mum2jenny · 13/08/2023 19:41

What’s wrong with him having a wank? Seriously?

You must be new here. Are you not aware that a request needs to be authorised on MN!

Rollonsept · 13/08/2023 19:54

FutureThroughLensOfThePast · 13/08/2023 18:37

You're asking two different things here.

Your husband having a wank in private - fine.
Your husband possibly being unfaithful - not fine.

Absolutely this!! (Sounds extreme to me hearing the jingling of trousers? GOOD LORD).

missmollygreen · 13/08/2023 19:53

TomatoSandwiches · 13/08/2023 18:40

But wanking on the sofa? A communal area?

Surely if you share a house EVERY space is communal?

GarlicGrace · 13/08/2023 19:51

Sure it's reasonable to have a wank in private. But I don't think @Krickley's necessarily asking two separate questions: unexplained behaviour is nerve-wracking in a partner, and can signal extra-marital shenanigans.

She's saying the sofa wank is a departure from usual behaviour, and relates it to the escalating phone secrecy. So, yes, I think there is cause for concern.

If it's porn, how do you feel about that? It's a hard No from me, but each woman has her own boundaries. If you're more or less okay with secret porn, where do you stop being okay - when it's one-to-one, when he's paying for it, when it's violent or underage?

Twiglets1 · 13/08/2023 19:50

oakleaffy · 13/08/2023 19:44

At least OP heard the rustle of kitchen roll being torn off.
Hopefully no staining.

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😂