Drowning in mess

29 replies

depressionpitofdoom · 13/08/2023 11:08

I am really struggling with life at the moment, I am juggling work, childcare, studying, depression and housework and dropping the ball on each and every one at the moment. I don't know where to start, my home is a disaster - I have mountains of rubbish that need to go to a dump and no way to get there, there's a mountain of laundry and dishes to clean and just mess everywhere, I am trying to get my coursework done by the deadline (which is going terribly), I am trying to entertain an 8 year old and 4 year old through the holidays, I have to go to work later and I am so depressed that I don't have any motivation to do any of it but I have too and the state of the house is making it worse so it's a cycle. I keep getting told to take a break because I'm breaking down every 5 minutes but I can't take a break because then things will just pile up more.

I don't know where to start. From what I see other people just seem to know what to do and how to clean and I just don't, I don't have executive functioning skills. I feel like I'm drowning. AIBU to ask for advice on where to start and how to fit what feels like 10000 hours of work into 24 hours because I am failing at being a human let alone being a mum!

OP posts:

caringcarer · 13/08/2023 11:13

Wash the dishes up and put them away because seeing dirty dishes is so depressing. Phone GP and ask for a sock note to stay home from work from stress for 2 weeks. Use the sick note for work and study. You will likely get an extension granted. During those 2 weeks keep up with washing up and try to do laundry too. Spend 1 hour a day throwing stuff out or tidying things away. Can you ask anyone to do a tip run for you, or failing that, pay someone to do it?

PerspiringElizabeth · 13/08/2023 11:13

Also I will add, the school holidays are a shit show here too and things will get better once the kids are back in school! 4 year old starting in sept?

Callyem · 13/08/2023 11:12

I hear ya!

You are feeling overwhelmed and looking at the whole thing. Best thing to do is break it down into small, manageable chunks. So what if you only do 1 or 2 things on the list in a day, it is better than looking at it and feeling so overwhelmed nothing gets done. Set yourself small, manageable tasks and hopefully, you'll see how it can build momentum.

Don't be too hard on yourself, because that sets a self defeatist mindset.

Hope you start to feel a bit better xx

PerspiringElizabeth · 13/08/2023 11:12

I’m guessing you’re a lone parent? If not, get partner to pull weight. Can you set aside a weekend (or a few hours) to get some friends/family round and crack on, or they take the kids so you can? You can get a lot done in a couple of hours if you forget about everything else and just put music/podcast on and plough through.

Long term there needs to be some systems in place. Don’t buy stuff etc. Declutter a drawer/cupboard a week and just keep doing that forever and it will help keep on top of things. It makes a HUGE difference if you have a shit house like me with rubbish storage so I sympathise there.

Not sure how helpful that is. Mess is depressing so I really feel for you. It grinds you down and becomes a vicious circle.

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