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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset by DH comment?

58 replies

Babysharkdodo123 · 12/08/2023 18:53

Coming home after a day out with DH, DD (20 months) and DD (10 weeks, who is EBF - relevant as BFing = hungry mamma).

Haven't eaten since 11am and been walking around all day (also recovering from CS). I was eating some crisps in car at 4.30pm and DH says "I'm not fat shaming you but before you eat all of them, don't because you'll ruin your dinner". For ref, we eat at the moment around 8pm once older DD is in bed.

Comment came totally out of blue and he's never said anything like that before. I probably took it more to heart because I'm currently carrying 2 stone of excess baby weight and can't exercise until 12 weeks PP which I'm feeling very fed up and down about. This is something DH knows as I said to him a few days ago that my body image is shot to pieces.

So AIBU for being upset by comment?

OP posts:
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NeverDropYourMooncup · 09/12/2023 13:21

Bookish88 · 12/08/2023 22:19

I don't actually think he was fat shaming you, or trying to make you feel bad. Him saying as much was basically an acknowledgement of the conversation you'd had previously, and his understanding that it might be a sensitive topic for you.

To me, it sounds like his comment was intended to be purely practical. Hungry or not, crisps are devoid of nutritional value and you didn't have much longer to wait until you'd be having dinner. That said, you're an adult who can make your own decisions, so if you found it patronising then you should have told him so.

In what world of producing the entire nutritional requirements for an infant and recovering from major surgery is another 4.5 making a total of 9 hours not 'much longer to wait'?

Newestname002 · 09/12/2023 13:17

LovelaceBiggWither · 09/12/2023 05:03

It's probably all resolved now as this is a zombie thread.

Drat!!

Ploctopus · 09/12/2023 06:13

YANBU - what a mean spirited, judgmental, selfish, condescending, unkind and stupid thing for him to say. You’re not a toddler needing guidance in what you eat. You’re an adult who can manage their own appetite and food intake without his stupid opinions.

I would say to him ‘regarding your comment in the car earlier about me eating crisps, I don’t want you to EVER comment on what I’m eating again because it’s rude, unnecessary and unhelpful.’ Make sure he knows it’s just not acceptable and you won’t tolerate it.

shearwater2 · 09/12/2023 06:08

Plus crisps contain fat, carbs, calories and salt and are a damned quick and convenient way to obtain energy on the go and be a bit less Hank Marvin.

I was so hungry immediately after having DD2 (9lbs and a hungry baby herself) that I was eating loads of chocolate on top of substantial regular meals to get the calories, I waa actually craving it when I don't normally have a sweet tooth. I stopped eating quite so much sweet stuff after a couple of weeks or so and even so had dropped a stone of the two stone I'd put on in pregnancy. With DD1 I was chugging sausage rolls and the like after giving birth.

shearwater2 · 09/12/2023 05:50

It was a bit thoughtless. I had a go at a friend's DH for saying something to her three months post partum about weighf loss.

Noicant · 09/12/2023 05:48

Yeah I mean I’m not breastfeeding and I’d be hungry and DH wouldn’t say a word if I grabbed something and stuffed it into my face.

It’s horrible having someone scrutinise what you are eating when you are already feeling uncomfortable. Dh is partial to a bag of crisps, I’ve never felt the need to point out that they are nutritionally empty etc, he’s an adult I assume he knows what he’s eating and why he’s eating.

CurlewKate · 09/12/2023 05:15

@Bookish88 "To me, it sounds like his comment was intended to be purely practical. Hungry or not, crisps are devoid of nutritional value and you didn't have much longer to wait until you'd be having dinner."

So a woman providing all the nutrition for a baby to grow and thrive should wait three and a half hours before she has something to eat? Bloody hell. If that's really what he meant, presumably he made her something nutritious to eat as an alternative?

LovelaceBiggWither · 09/12/2023 05:03

It's probably all resolved now as this is a zombie thread.

TheGoogleMum · 09/12/2023 04:59

Breastfeeding needs calories you need to eat! He might need educating on this.

Newestname002 · 09/12/2023 04:54

@Babysharkdodo123

Possibly he meant well but was insensitive in his comments to you. I'm not breast feeding and I certainly couldn't go from 11am to 8pm without eating - my blood sugars would be in the floor.

Thing is, if he thinks he was "helping" you he'll say the same thing again so you need to bring this comment up with him, as clearly it calmly as you can - and remind him that your baby is literally feeding from you and you need ensure there's enough energy for both you and baby - plus the energy you're spending on anything else - whilst, I assume looking after your toddler.

Why was there such a gap between meals for you? Maybe ensure you have healthy snacks in your bag for you when you're out if the house? 🌹

Yalta · 08/12/2023 13:14

I am wondering who loses their appetite after a bag of crisps

Redlarge · 13/08/2023 13:49

Backtothe90splease · 12/08/2023 22:38

I can't believe the tone of some of responses. You cannot be breastfeeding and recovering from a C-section and going from 11am to 8pm without eating. Look after yourself. Little and often to keep your energy up and lots of fluids too.

He should have been making sure you had enough to eat and drink, not making comments shaming you. Ugh.

100 this

Redlarge · 13/08/2023 13:49

Eat what you want when you want. You must be exhusted. He has no idea and spoke to u like a child. Get a bag of crisps and throw it over his head the knobhead.

For what its worth when mine were little i carried protein bars and bannas with me for the same reason and it stopped my sugar levels dropping
I also ate lots of crisps

SunRainStorm · 13/08/2023 13:42

The fact that he referenced 'fat shaming' before he said it shows he was completely conscious of what he was doing. And just by using that term he was implying you are fat.

On one hand I can see if a partner was complaining about their weight but then eating a bag of crisps there might be a temptation to suggest they have something healthier in order to support their goals- but only if they have asked for your help in improving their diet or what have you.

No one will react well to what he said.

He should be supporting you by giving you time and headspace to eat well and do gentle exercise. Not by policing what you eat.

SunRainStorm · 13/08/2023 13:32

Gowlett · 12/08/2023 23:58

Took me ages to recover from EMCS. It’s different fur everyone. My recovery was brutal. My DH said “keep up!” while racing along with the pram, as I shuffled behind on one of my first walks outside. Dickhead.

You're still married to him?

FictionalCharacter · 13/08/2023 13:21

To everyone who's saying "you should be eating regularly! Why aren't you eating? Why are you going so long without eating?" - I strongly suspect that the husband has something to do with that.

caringcarer · 13/08/2023 00:31

When your breast feeding you need to eat protein and drink plenty. A 2 egg omelette would be a good snack and drink plenty of water.

Hall84 · 13/08/2023 00:17

Absolutely OK to be upset. Maybe it was fat shaming, maybe faux concern or maybe he doesn't like any extra weight. Tough shit.
You have spent the last 3 years pregnant/feeding/keeping small people alive. The only appropriate response if he has failed to pack adequate drinks and food for everyone is, 'should I get 20 nuggets on the way home.'

Gowlett · 12/08/2023 23:58

Took me ages to recover from EMCS. It’s different fur everyone. My recovery was brutal. My DH said “keep up!” while racing along with the pram, as I shuffled behind on one of my first walks outside. Dickhead.

bethatgirl · 12/08/2023 23:56

I agree. I think he was fat shaming and worried you might put on more weight. What is wrong with some people!! Eat all the crisps you want. I ate a whole big bag of kettle chips when I was pregnant and felt no shame whatsoever!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/08/2023 23:53

He dislikes the extra weight and was shaming you.

If you stay in the marriage, tell him he now is in charge of purchasing and prepping healthy, appealing snacks, and preparing a portable version of them for family outings.

TimeToMoveIt · 12/08/2023 23:45

I'd have eaten him for that comment

Hibiscrubbed · 12/08/2023 23:40

Sounds like he doesn't like the weight you've gained while pregnant.

Does rather. And to those defending him being ‘clumsy’ with words, it’s never really ok to comment on what someone is eating. Especially if that person is your fairly-newly delivered wife, who’s exclusively breastfeeding and who hasn’t eaten all day.

Cat2014 · 12/08/2023 23:40

YANBU, he’s thoughtless and unkind here.

SunRainStorm · 12/08/2023 23:39

He's out of order.

YANBU.

Try and prioritise yourself more, OP.