Tradwives

@starshin, your brother sounds awful. I feel for your poor niece. Your SIL at least has a choice about whether to put up with this shit or not. His poor daughter has no other option.

Brainwashing I think

how awful for your SIL and for your nieces and nephews.

Why on earth do women want this? This tradwife stuff is horrendous.

yes consenting adults can do as they please - but their kids grow up with this ridiculous view of the world.

look at @vimtogirl above - she is so far gone she doesn’t even she the inherent sexism she displays when talking about her own children. Her worst fear it that her daughter grows up with knowing how to clean a house!

Our childhood was like this and worse. My dad was pretty abusive to my mum. She had to do everything for him.

I have no idea why my SIL puts up with it, it's really sad.

It's sad for the kids. They have a daughter and a son. My brother always talks about how he hates feminism. He does believe in education for women etc but he does think women use their womanhood to their advantage and he wants a ' me too ' movement for himself. He thinks those women who slept with Harvey Weinstein could have just aid no if they had better morals. He doesn't have female colleagues and a female boss or anything like that. When he encounters women in professional roles for his job, he tests them a lot to make sure they know their stuff. I don't know much else.

My SIL just accepts that's how things are, but it's sad. I think she's trying to think more about her needs recently, which I applaud.

She doesn't sound like a TradWife, she sounds like an abused woman and your brother sounds like an abusive man. He is at the very least verbally abusive and gets pissed off at her if she doesn't do everything he wants when he wants her to do it.

@starshin that’s interesting. What was your childhood like - why do you think your brother turned out like this? And why do you think your SIL puts up with this?

what about the kids? Does he believe in women’s rights? Women’s education? How does he cope with female colleagues? A female boss?

The kids are also not allowed to ask him for stuff. So if I'm there and they need something like a sandwich, they wouldn't ask their dad if their mum is busy- they'd ask me or whoever else is in the house. Because their dad works hard and needs downtime. That's what they've been taught.

I would say my sister in law could be considered a trad wife. She doesn't work and looks after the children and does all house work.

My brother doesn't do anything domestic at all and she even has to fetch his clothes and shoes for him and really anything he asks for. He'll be sitting down and ask her to get up to get her stuff. She serves him meals and if she's forgotten to put something on the table like a glass or a bottle of water he sometimes has a go at her about it if he's in a bad mood. She gets up every morning and brings him breakfast in bed.

He's never changed a nappy or done any night waking because he has to be alert for work. She's always making sure he has all the down time he needs, which means her children and her don't ever ask him for anything. When he comes home from work he just gets to do what he wants, like have a few drinks, watch a movie, whilst she sorts the kids. She's always talking about how he needs to relax but she never gets to relax herself.

If you ask her if she wants to do something, like go out for lunch - she always has to schedule it so she's back and has dinner or lunch ready for him- otherwise she won't go, if she can't fit it in. She would never tell him to make himself a sandwich or order a pizza.

If you ask her if she wants to come for dinner / day out, she always has to OK it with him to check if he also wants to go and if he doesn't, they don't go. It's always his decision. Like basically everything. She never disagrees with him in public and she has to like what he likes. If she doesn't take an interest in something he's into, he gets pissed off. She once said she thought something he likes is a bit boring and he had a massive go at her ( I wasn't there ). It's hard to watch. If you say even the slightest thing about it, he tells you to leave his house.

We don't talk much..

As described that sounds very like covert narcissism rather than traditional values.

Yes agreed. I think this type of lifestyle takes choices away from girls. They have to rebel just to get an education and a career. It turns boys into little sexists. Women are there to clean up after them.

The real world comes as a huge shock to them all.

This.

It is the very height of privilege for these women to role play having no freedom. Their very freedom comes from the sacrifices of the feminists who came before them. The feminists that these women decry and belittle. They should all be shipped off to Afghanistan in exchange for the women there who would truly appreciate freedom.

She's only 20, things change and I'm sure she'll see you as a role model as she gets older and finds a way in the world whether that be learning a trade or being in the corporate world or community service. I was the same at 20, and now in a high flying corporate job !

That’s great. Your posts did concern me. The cleaning for the girl and the career for the boy.

I honestly hope all your children grow up to be successful, independent and happy.

the message your daughter gets should be no different to that of your sons. There is no tragedy if she doesn’t know how to clean. It’s not difficult to figure out.

I do think you need to acknowledge you have some inherent and ingrained sexism. Everyone could see it in your posts.

@Bellyblueboy would love her to!

So trad wife is part of your religion. Your religion is tied to how you see your role within the family and society. You personal values are based on your religion, which includes this ‘Trad wife’ set up.
Your religion is the basis for how you live your life and this set up is part of that?

But you are bringing your children up in direct conflict with your own values? in contradiction to a religion that’s so important to you, you have made major life choices based on it?

And it’s just a typing error that your post saying you teach your daughter to keep a house and want your son to have a career. It’s just a coincidence that, the typing error matches your values that you live your own life by?

PowerhouseOfTheCell
You're right. They're monetising a fantasy safe in the knowledge that they'd be ok if the marriage were to end, or the relationship turned bad and they needed to leave.

Their husbands are also likely to be supportive of the grift as well as it brings in some extra money and they get presented as the big important man.

It's cosplay/LARPing from a position of privilege.

So @vimtogirl, if you want all of them to learn to cook and clean, why did you particularly focus in on teaching your daughter those skills? It implies that you think they will be more important for her than for your sons? And if you want to raise them equally, why are you focused on your sons having careers but seemingly not being too worried about this for your daughters?

You say you are raising them equally but that isn't reflected in what you've said here.

At lot of the online 'tradwives' are actually savvy content creators who made it their niche e.g. Stacey Dooley has a doc with one and its clear she's running the show while the husband goes with it.
The average tradwife husband normally plays the part of bumbling but loveable fool who can't fold socks tehe.

They'd actually hate an authoritarian controlling husband who watches their every move and dictates the whole families entire lives

Okay - so do you want you daughter to have a career just like her brother?

@Bellyblueboy I don't know where you are getting all these assumptions.

My daughter has hobbies, loves school, is bilingual and will be encouraged to do the best at school

(I was in the middle of writing a long paragraph... then my daughter came in with a painting of daddy and said she wants to be just like him when she grows up and if her husband works then I might need to babysit )

Don't think she'll have a problem

My twenty year old daughter gawd love her recently declared this is her ambition.
It's a massive 🙄🙄🙄 and ffs from me who has been a working mum all their lives and a single one for the past 5 years. We had small holdings too when they were young. Perhaps she looks at me and thinks it all looks a bit too much like hard work and therefore will set her sights on finding a rich husband so she can play house. She's an introvert unlike me who can go weeks/months with no outside contact. Both her grandmothers were quiet (boring) homemakers with nothing to talk about other than the weather and what had been on tv. Each to their own I guess abut I am recommending she get some skills which could earn her money as a Plan B.

That is not the biggest problem I have!!

thankfully men are now becoming nurses, teachers and midwives!!! It’s not 1950 and women don’t have limit themselves into caring roles.

we are talking about 50% of the world talent here! What about the future entrepreneurs, inventors, leaders, politicians, astronauts, pilots, doctors, prime ministers?

how fucking depressing - don’t get me wrong - nursing and teaching. Are valuable careers but they aren’t the only roles women can have in the workforce

It's me who had to recover from a childhood where my mother couldn't teach me basics such as how to wash and fold clothes, clean a bathroom, cook a decent meal.

this isn’t child abuse. I know lots of people who weren’t taught this - I wasn’t because I had a working mum. She just yelled at us and expected us to do it!

my best friend wasn’t taught because they had a housekeeper who did it all.

as an adult it’s not hard to figure out these basic tasks.

it’s much harder to rebuild confidence, to unconditional yourself from believing men should be in charge, girls role is care giving and ‘being kind’.

I am sure your daughter will be able to read a washing machine manual or learn how to boil an egg. She might not be able to rebuild confidence that she can be a CEO with a stay at home husband - or a housekeeper!

I know a few families who function like this.
the biggest problem I have with it: if all women became TradWives there would be very few teachers, midwives, nurses, etc around, as these are jobs where women are mostly employed.