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AIBU?

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Tradwives

238 replies

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:12

Whilst mindlessly scrolling through Instagram the other day, a video came up on my feed (whatever that section is called where they post suggested videos) of a ‘tradwife’ - an American woman (she must have been no older than 24) who was actively promoting a traditional married lifestyle - a man as provider, woman as homemaker, with the man as the ‘leader’ of the family and the wife submitting to her husband’s leadership. She posts videos of herself cooking and cleaning and dressing up for her husband every day, and regularly speaks about how she has certain rules for herself to keep herself in her place, like not going out after dark without her husband, asking her husbands permission before she does things. I got the impression that she likes this lifestyle and has chosen it and he goes along with it - she’s always talking about how it was her lifelong dream to live like this. She’s even started dressing in retro housewife outfits - like a sort of 1950s vibe. Don’t get me wrong, she looks amazing and seems very happy. I was intrigued about this movement and when I Googled it, it seems that this is a growing movement with lots of people posting about it and promoting the lifestyle. I was so surprised as I’ve never really met anyone like this. I was wondering if anyone on Mumsnet is a part of this movement (or even just follows this lifestyle/holds these beliefs in private). No reason really other than curiosity!

OP posts:
BiPolarBabe · 12/08/2023 17:30

Have to admit there are times when I fantasise about being a tradwife.

Mainly due to the fact I'm the main breadwinner, my DH is disabled so I'm his carer, i have a 12 yr old DD and I've also got an elderly mother who needs a lot of assistance. So I'm constantly on the go and exhausted, with my own medical conditions to manage which everyone thinks i should just be able to "deal with".

Then I realise that there's no way I'd be happy in that life full time, it's too one sided, liable to abuse and somewhat creepy in some cases. I recognise the fantasy for the escapism which it is.
It's normally a sign I need a break from everything if I start thinking like that.

Tweeps · 12/08/2023 17:26

Please can you point me in the direction of this

NumberTheory · 12/08/2023 17:25

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:19

She doesn’t believe women should work, and thinks it’s a man’s place to work while a woman should stay home and clean, cook and care for children. Forgot to mention that part, although assume it’s obvious!

Bet she’s monetizing all the content you’re watching.

PankWuffin · 12/08/2023 17:25

PankWuffin · 12/08/2023 17:23

I also think it's just a bit of a fantasy. If they really couldn't go out after dark without their husband, they'd hate it.

I would love to be a sahm but I wouldn't do it as we would really miss the income. Cooking and cleaning and dressing up all day sounds very low stress! But it just isn't viable for a lot of people and also, what happens when it goes wrong and you have no job, money, work history, qualifications etc?

NOT saying all sahms are tradwives with low stress lives BTW before anyone jumps up and down! Probably should have made two paragraphs there 🤔

I'd love to be a sahm.

AND being a tradwife sounds fun as a bit if a game but what if...?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/08/2023 17:25

Eh… if they’re happy with their choice then more power to them. As long as someone is paying the bills and it’s not the taxpayer then it’s fine with me

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/08/2023 17:24

I've seen a few women like this on MN over the years. I do find myself wondering what motivates them to pursue that kind of lifestyle. I don't see any attraction in it myself!

PankWuffin · 12/08/2023 17:23

I also think it's just a bit of a fantasy. If they really couldn't go out after dark without their husband, they'd hate it.

I would love to be a sahm but I wouldn't do it as we would really miss the income. Cooking and cleaning and dressing up all day sounds very low stress! But it just isn't viable for a lot of people and also, what happens when it goes wrong and you have no job, money, work history, qualifications etc?

TheLeadbetterLife · 12/08/2023 17:22

I think women these days can choose to cosplay this stuff purely because of the freedoms won for them by previous generations of feminists.

if they HAD to be domestic slaves they would be putting their heads in ovens.

I’d have no problem with it if they at least acknowledged the reality of this crucial context.

HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:21

I work with members of an extreme religious sect that live by this or face punishment/abandonment. It is miserable

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:20

HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:17

They're living in a fantasy - a bit like furries

If they actually had to submit to their husbands, or weren't allowed out after dark, or had no choice but to be a domestic slave, or feel gis wrath for looking less than perfect, they would realise how sick their fantasy is.

I suppose you’re right. It’s is a bit like a game or a fantasy when it’s not a reality. I found the imposing rules on herself thing a bit odd and wondered if she’d be so happy to follow these rules if it were her husband and not herself who implemented them!

OP posts:
babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 12/08/2023 17:19

She doesn’t believe women should work, and thinks it’s a man’s place to work while a woman should stay home and clean, cook and care for children. Forgot to mention that part, although assume it’s obvious!

OP posts:
HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 17:17

They're living in a fantasy - a bit like furries

If they actually had to submit to their husbands, or weren't allowed out after dark, or had no choice but to be a domestic slave, or feel gis wrath for looking less than perfect, they would realise how sick their fantasy is.

PonyPatter44 · 12/08/2023 17:17

There is an active thread at the moment started by a woman who had an ambition to be a "tradwife" (never worked, married young, multiple children, does EVERYTHING in the home) and whose husband is the breadwinner. It has all gone massively sour for her and she is struggling to find a way out.

I think, like everything else, this kind of lifestyle is fine if you're wealthy and your husband/ wife is a decent human being.