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Original poster

Made MIL cry?!

818 replies

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:16

I have always had a clash with my MIL because I find her controlling and she often tries to undermine me. My DP (8 years) sees her every day in the morning and she was telling me that she sometimes makes him a packed lunch 🙄 I said he is a 43 year old man I'm sure he can organise his own lunch, she said "yes but me I love my son" (emphasising with her voice that it must be in contrast to me).
I began to lose my temper a little so I said "do you warm some milk for him too?" and she said "listen it's simple, I am the first woman of his life", and I said "true but I will be the last".
Then she started crying and ran out of the room.
Now DP is saying that was insensitive of me because she lost her husband 6 years ago.
I am considering telling him he needs to deal with this situation and tell his mother to back off.
What do you think? In case it's relevant we are all from the same non UK European country

OP posts:
Original poster
Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:41

Actually what I was trying to say about being last is that she should make space for the person who will potentially be with him in his old age, but if she took it to mean to be about her death...Well that's a typical self centered view from her

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 12/08/2023 10:41

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:36

@FigTreeInEurope
No but very close ;)

She is always doing things like this. He often comes home with dishes to put in the oven because she "doesn't want him to be hungry". What the hell!

She obviously hasn't raised him properly. When my MIL used to ask my SIL "have you fed my lad", she'd reply, no he's weaned and fully functioning. If it carried on she'd ask if she didn't bring him up to be independent. They both worked full time. As difficult as it is, let her get on with it. What does your DH say? I bet he's sick of being in the middle. It's your reactions which is going to damage your marriage.

JustKeepSw1mming · 12/08/2023 10:39

You might appreciate her coming around with a cooked dinner when you have a child 😂

Heyhoherewegoagain · 12/08/2023 10:39

She makes his lunch…take the win, ultimately does it really matter?

5128gap · 12/08/2023 10:38

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:26

@Cap89
I didn't even consider I was referring to her future death! I just thought I would give her what she gives me, because why not? To me she is looking for confrontation with many of her comments, so what should I do, just sit there?

Well if you weren't you were being rather presumptuous. You've been with him 8 years, yet you think you'll somehow still be there and his mother will have disappeared? When she said (albeit unnecessarily) she was first, she was stating a fact. What were you trying to say?

Freddiefox · 12/08/2023 10:37

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:36

@FigTreeInEurope
No but very close ;)

She is always doing things like this. He often comes home with dishes to put in the oven because she "doesn't want him to be hungry". What the hell!

both of you need to stop
placing your worth and value on how well you dh is fed. I bet he’s loving it.

ZenNudist · 12/08/2023 10:37

enjoyingscience · 12/08/2023 10:26

I think you and your MIL have an awful lot in common

Yup

Original poster
Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:37

@Keepitrealnomists
No I don't have children but I'm thinking of it, we would definitely need to move if this was the case, I can only imagine the hell it would be

OP posts:
MrsCarson · 12/08/2023 10:37

Sounds like you both wind each other up. Leave her too it if she wants to make him food. She gloats and you fell for it.

Bouncyball23 · 12/08/2023 10:37

All sounds a bit child like to me arguing about who cares more for him or who is more important, think some growing up is needed to be done.

Elvis1956 · 12/08/2023 10:36

enjoyingscience · 12/08/2023 10:26

I think you and your MIL have an awful lot in common

That's why they are together😂 my wife is similar in a lot of ways to my mum and I'm similar to her dad

Original poster
Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:36

@FigTreeInEurope
No but very close ;)

She is always doing things like this. He often comes home with dishes to put in the oven because she "doesn't want him to be hungry". What the hell!

OP posts:
Ohyousillydivvy · 12/08/2023 10:36

You're both the same, battling with each other to gain control of your husband.

Enko · 12/08/2023 10:36

Didntmeanto6 · 12/08/2023 10:31

@Sparklfairy
Why should I just roll my eyes? She is the one who started down this path. I don't believe just because she's his mother I need to listen to:

  • her insinuating I'm a bad woman for not making this adult man a lunch
  • her insinuating she loves him more

...without responding

When she tells you she makes him a packed lunch say "That's nice" THEN CHANGE THE SUBJECT...

When she says "True but I love my son" smile and reply " its nice when we have people who loves us isn't it" THEN CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

Loosing your temper and stooping to trumping one another is not helpful.

Read up on grey Rock and anger management. Her liking making a packed lunch for her son should not make you loose your temper.

Beck2023 · 12/08/2023 10:35

This!!! Spot on!

Keepitrealnomists · 12/08/2023 10:35

You both sound bonkers. I presume you don't have any children op?

Testina · 12/08/2023 10:35

She doesn’t even make it every day, just “sometimes”.
So we’re probably talking about some cold leftover lasagne once in a while 🤷🏻‍♀️

SpamFrittersYouSay · 12/08/2023 10:35

You both sound very alike in rushing to say stupid , scathing things to each other.

Engage your brain before opening your mouth.

5128gap · 12/08/2023 10:34

You're as bad as each other OP. Fighting over which one of you comes first with him. It's childish and lacks dignity on both your parts. Obviously she's not the best, but you deliberately and unnecessarily baited her and to remind her she'd die before you (I assumd that's what you were implying?) was a low blow.
You both need to grow up and understand that a mother and a romantic partner have entirely different roles in a man's life.
If she babies your partner and you dislike it, tell him to tell her to stop.

FigTreeInEurope · 12/08/2023 10:34

Just a stab in the dark, but is she italian?

HeadacheEarthquake · 12/08/2023 10:34

Nah I think it was a great comeback

He sounds like a right mummy's boy though... gross

DinaofCloud9 · 12/08/2023 10:33

I think you were mean to her. Making him a packed lunch was a nice gesture. It doesn't mean he's incapable of making his own.

Cap89 · 12/08/2023 10:32

Cap89 · 12/08/2023 10:32

What did you mean by ‘and I’ll be the last?’ That definitely sounds like you’re saying she may have been there at the beginning, but when you’re gone there will only be you.

Show quote history

Sorry, meant to say when she’s gone

Freddiefox · 12/08/2023 10:32

Why the mil getting the blame? She makes your dh a lunch, he takes it. Personally I can’t see the problem in this arrangement. Wish someone would make my lunch.

would you rather he didn’t take the lunch and make his own? - surely that’s his choice to make and a conversation you should be having with him.

I bet he’s loving it, two grown women, with him centre stage.

cocoloco117 · 12/08/2023 10:32

Woerd on both sides to me. I think this type of jealousy/competing for affection between mother and wife and overly intimate mother son relationships are more common in other European cultures and will sound odd to UK audience and especially on here as the persecuted MILs brigade will be out in force to tell you you’re in the wrong.